Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Dear Webby's Humor Letter, daily since 1994
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  Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, March 18 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  Indiana man arrested for killing 4 in fight over woman's stimulus check  ___________________________________________________ Today, March 17 in 1945 1,250 U.S. bombers attacked Berlin. ____________________________________________________ Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'. --- Michael McClary ____________________________________________________ Sensitive soldiers News Item: Norwegian military leaders order drill officers to stop addressing recruits with "strong expressions" and "nasty words" after it became known the feelings of some of the recruits were hurt. ____________________________________________________ Little Do is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer. Being a city kid she's never seen one before and so she asks his teacher, "What's that, Miss?" Miss decides to play a word game with him and says, "That's what your Mom calls your Dad, Do." Do thinks for a moment and then says, "I'm not that stupid Miss, I know that is not a 'Dumb-Ass' !" ____________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ Jon was talking to Ben. "So, Ben, how's it going with the ladies?" "Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects." "Really?" "Yep," Ben shook his head, "Whenever I mention sex, they object." __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Malik Halfacre, 25, Indianapolis, Indina, USA  Indiana man arrested for killing 4 in fight over woman's stimulus check  An Indianapolis man suspected of killing three adults and a child told police he fatally shot the four victims after he and his girlfriend argued because he wanted a share of her federal COVID-19 relief money, according to a court document and one of the girlfriends relatives. Malik Halfacre, 25, was being held Tuesday at the Marion County Jail on four preliminary counts of murder and one count each of attempted murder and robbery. He has not yet been formally charged in Saturdays shootings, which police have said occurred following a heated argument in a home where officers found the bodies of Anthony Johnson, 35, Dequan Moore, 23, Tomeeka Brown, 44, and 7-year-old Eve Moore. Halfacres girlfriend was critically wounded. A probable cause affidavit filed Monday in Marion County Superior Court reveals more details about the argument. It says that Halfacre told officers following his arrest Sunday evening that he and his girlfriend identified only as J.M. were arguing because he wanted some of her stimulus check. Mr. Halfacre admitted to shooting all of the deceased individuals in the house. He also said that after everyone was shot, he took the money, J.M.s purse, and her car and left the scene, with his 6-month-old daughter, according to the affidavit. The baby was later found unharmed at the home of Halfacres sister, according to the affidavit. Wendy Johnson, a cousin of Halfacres girlfriend, told WXIN- TV that the day before the shootings Halfacre demanded half of his girlfriends $1,400 pandemic stimulus check, but her cousin refused. She had just got her money, and he wanted half of her money, she told the station, citing what her cousin had said after the encounter. She said, No, you dont deserve any of this. I work. I take care of our child. You dont do anything. Johnson said her cousin had offered Halfacre $450 of her stimulus check but that he replied, Im gonna get that money. Halfacres sister told officers that when her brother came to her home and dropped off the baby, he also admitted to killing four people and told her details about how it happened, the affidavit states. Officers later found Halfacre in the attic of a friends home about 4.5 miles (7.2 kilometers) from the shooting scene, police said. The Marion County Prosecutors Office is still investigating and does not expect to make a charging decision before Thursday, according to spokeswoman Destiny Burgos.  
DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Don Re: How to recognize Scammers Dear Webby Wat is the easiest and quickest way to recognize scammers? Don Dear Don Most scammers seem to be using Ghanian grammer and skip the proof reading. The next trick is to ask them where they are. If they say "Here", that means Ghana. Dump the bastid. The same goes for "What do you do there?" If they answer "I live here". Ghana, or Nigeria, guaranteed. Have FUN! DearWebby A kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was a box from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No" the boy replied. The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" The boy replied, "A puppy dog!"
Fed and local police went to arrest two drug dealers getting off a train at Chicago's Union Station (the big Amtrack station) yesterday. The dealers drew their guns; end result one cop wounded slightly, one druggy dead, the other wounded critically. On the radio they interviewed a bystander who was in the station- he complained that the police hadn't warned the people in the station that there was going to be gunfire. Seems he wanted a public address announcement like: "The police are going to try to arrest two gun-toting drug dealers. We have scheduled a gunfight. If you are innocent, please take cover. If you are the drug dealers, please don't listen to this announcement"
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 The boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole eight feet deep. After the job was completed the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered. The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem. The boss snorted. "Geee! The kind of help you get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!" ____________________________________________ One day a sweet little girl became puzzled about her origin: "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asked. Her mother replied, using a well-worn phrase, "God sent you, Honey." "And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continued. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did." "And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads too?" "Yes, Honey, all of them," replied her mother. The child shook her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!" ____________________________________________ a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was a box from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No" the boy replied. The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" The boy replied, "A puppy dog!" ____________________________________________ 
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________
 Today, March 18 in 0037 The Roman Senate annuls Tiberius will and proclaims Caligula emperor. 1190 Crusaders killed 57 Jews in Bury St. Edmonds England. 1532 The English parliament banned payments by English churches to Rome. 1541 Hernando de Soto observed the first recorded flood of the Mississippi River. 1583 Dutch States General & Anjou signed a treaty. 1673 Lord Berkley sold his half of New Jersey to the Quakers. 1692 William Penn was deprived of his governing powers. 1766 Britain repealed the Stamp Act. 1813 David Melville patented the gas streetlight. 1818 The U.S. Congress approved the first pensions for government service. 1834 The first railroad tunnel in the U.S. was completed. The work was in Pennsylvania. 1835 Charles Darwin left Santiago Chile on his way to Portillo Pass. 1850 Henry Wells & William Fargo founded American Express. 1874 Hawaii signed a treaty giving exclusive trading rights with the islands to the U.S. 1881 Barnum and Bailey's Greatest Show on Earth opened in Madison Square Gardens. 1891 Britain became linked to the continent of Europe by telephone. 1899 Phoebe, a moon of the planet Saturn, was discovered. 1902 In Turkey, the Sultan granted a German syndicate the first concession to access Baghdad by rail. 1903 France dissolved the Catholic religious orders. 1909 Einar Dessau of Denmark used a short wave transmitter to become the first person to broadcast as a "ham" operator. 1911 Theodore Roosevelt opened the Roosevelt Dam in Arizona. It was the largest dam in the U.S. at the time. 1911 North Dakota enacted a hail insurance law. 1916 Russia countered the Verdun assault with an attack at Lake Naroch. The Russians lost 100,000 men and the Germans lost 20,000. 1917 The Germans sank the U.S. ships, City of Memphis, Vigilante and the Illinois, without any warning. 1920 Greece adopted the Gregorian calendar. 1921 Poland was enlarged with the second Peace of Riga. 1921 The steamer "Hong Koh" ran aground off of Swatow China. Over 1,000 people were killed. 1922 Mohandas K. Gandhi was sentenced to six years in prison for civil disobedience in India. He served only 2 years of the sentence. 1931 Schick Inc. displayed the first electric shaver. 1937 More than 400 people, mostly children, were killed in a gas explosion at a school in New London, TX. 1938 Mexico took control of all foreign-owned oil properties on its soil. 1938 New York first required serological blood tests of pregnant women. 1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini held a meeting at the Brenner Pass. The Italian dictator agreed to join in Germany's war against France and Britain during the meeting. 1942 The third military draft began in the U.S. because of World War II. 1943 The Reich called off its offensive in Caucasus. 1944 The Russians reached the Rumanian border in the Balkans during World War II. 1945 1,250 U.S. bombers attacked Berlin. 1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) was ratified. 1950 Nationalist troops landed on the mainland of China and capture Communist held Sungmen. 1952 In Philadelphia, PA, the first plastic lenses were fitted for a cataract patient. 1954 RKO Pictures was sold for $23,489,478. It became the first motion picture studio to be owned by an individual. The person was Howard Hughes. 1963 France performed an underground nuclear test at Ecker Algeria. 1963 The U.S. Supreme Court handed down the Miranda decision concerning legal council for defendants. 1965 Cosmonaut Alexei Leonov became the first man to spacewalk when he left the Voskhod II space capsule while in orbit around the Earth. He was outside the spacecraft for about 20 minutes. 1966 The government of Indonesia was formed by General Suharto. 1966 Scott Paper began selling paper dresses for $1. 1968 The U.S. Congress repealed the requirement for a gold reserve. 1969 U.S. President Nixon authorizes Operation Menue. It was the secret bombing of Cambodia. 1970 The U.S. Postal Service experienced the first postal strike. 1971 U.S. helicopters airlifted 1,000 South Vietnamese soldiers out of Laos. 1971 A landslide in Lake Yanahuani, Chungar Peru, killed 200. 1974 Most of the Arab oil-producing nations ended their five- month embargo against the United States, Europe and Japan. 1975 Saigon abandoned most of the Central Highlands of Vietnam to Hanoi. 1975 The Kurds ended their fight against Iraq. 1977 Vietnam turned over an MIA to a U.S. delegation. 1980 The Vostok rocket exploded on the launch pad killing 50. 1981 The U.S. disclosed that there were biological weapons tested in Texas in 1966. 1986 Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Prince Andrew to Sarah Ferguson. 1986 The U.S. Treasury Department announced that a clear, polyester thread was to be woven into bills in an effort to thwart counterfeiters. 1990 Thirteen paintings were stolen from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston. The value was $100 million making it the largest art robbery in history. 1989 A 4,400-year-old mummy was discovered at the Pyramid of Cheops in Egypt. 1990 The first free elections took place in East Germany. 1992 Leona Hemsly was sentenced to 4 years in prison for tax evasion. 1992 White South Africans voted for constitutional reforms that would give legal equality to blacks. 1994 Zsa Zsa Gabor filed for bankruptcy. 1997 A Russian AN-24 crashed killing 50 people. 2003 China's new president, Hu Jintao, announced that his country must deepen reforms and raise living standards of workers and farmers. 2021 Do smiled. 

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