Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, June 16 ___________________________________________________ Today, June 16 in 1963 26-year-old Valentina Tereshkova went into orbit aboard the Vostok 6 spacecraft for three days. She was the first female space traveler. _____________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: Kori Muhammad, found guilty of killing four in 2017, sentenced to life in prison without parole ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
_____________________________________________________ A painting in a museum hears more ridiculous opinions than anything else in the world. --- Edmond de Goncourt (1822 - 1896) (That was long before televised parliament) _____________________________________________________ A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you." "I know" said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone." _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A handyman was working for a temple in Allentown, PA, had asked for a raise and was turned down. He decided to quit and went out to look for work. First he went to a Catholic church and was told that in order to work there he would have to answer one question. The priest asked, "Where was Jesus born"? The man answered, "Pittsburgh," and was thrown out. He then went to a Baptist church. The minister told him that in order to get a job there he would have to answer a question. He was asked, "Where was Jesus born"? The man answered, "Philadelphia." He was tossed out. Walking away he met the rabbi who was looking for him. The rabbi exclaimed, "The board approved your raise. Please come back immediately." The man said to the rabbi, "I will come back only if you answer a question. "Where was Jesus born?" The rabbi says, "Bethlehem." "Damn," cries the man. "I knew it was somewhere in Pennsylvania." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kori Muhammad, Fresno, California, USA Kori Muhammad, found guilty of killing four in 2017, sentenced to life in prison without parole A racist killing spree will send Kori Muhammad to prison for 206 years plus seven life sentences plus life without the possibility of parole. Sheriff's deputies led the defendant out of court for the last time Friday morning, sending him on his way back to jail and then prison for the rest of his life. After shooting to death Carl Williams, Zackary Randalls, Mark Gassett, and David Jackson, the defendant said he wasn't guilty because he was insane. A jury convicted him of four murders and a hate crime motivated by race. He dropped the insanity plea in exchange for avoiding the death penalty. The trial started in January, got interrupted by coronavirus, and ended with a punishment while protests about racial injustice have swept the country. "I grant that the world has changed since this trial began I hate to break it to you, Mr. Muhammad, but your delusional beliefs have nothing to do with that change," said Judge Jonathan Conklin. "The only change you've caused is the loss of four lives, the deaths of four men who simply had the misfortune to cross your path. You've also inalterably impacted the lives of their families and friends and the others who you attempted to murder that day. But your ability to impact lives ends today, ends now, and ends here." DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Ida Re: How do you recognize a thumbnail? Dear Webby, On your pages I recognize thumbnails easily, but on others I don't. Is there a trick? Thanks Ida Dear Ida Just mouse over the picture. If the cursor changes, when you do that, then it is a thumbnail. Have FUN! DearWebby
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____________________________________________________ | | Driving a car made of ice |
_____________________________________________ She looked like such a sweet little old lady, driving the cute Toyota with a bumper sticker that said: "Grow your own dope." How sweet, I thought, must be a medical marijuana patient. Then I noticed the rest of her message... "Plant a man." _____________________________________________ From a passenger ship one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain. "I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts." _____________________________________________ For those of us getting along in years, here is a little secret for building your arm and shoulder muscles. You might want to adopt this regimen! Three days a week works well. Begin by standing outside behind the house, and with a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out to your sides and hold them there as long as you can. After a few weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks and then 50-lb. potato sacks, and finally get to where you can lift a 100 lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Next, start putting a few potatoes in the sacks, but be careful not to overdo it at this level. ____________________________________________ Creation of man During Creation, God created the mule, and told him, "You will be mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years." The mule answered, "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so. Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years." The dog responded, "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 10 years." And it was so. God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years." The monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no than 10 years." And it was so. Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years." The man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 30 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so. And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 30 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse his grandchildren. And it is so. | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today June 16 in 0455 Rome was looted by the Vandal army. 1487 The War of the Roses ended with the Battle of Stoke. 1567 Mary, Queen of Scots, was imprisoned in Lochleven Castle in Scotland. 1815 Napoleon defeated the Prussians at the Battle of Ligny, Netherlands. 1858 In a speech in Springfield, IL, U.S. Senate candidate Abraham Lincoln said the slavery issue had to be resolved. He declared, "A house divided against itself cannot stand." 1884 At Coney Island, in Brooklyn, NY, the first roller coaster in America opened. 1897 The U.S. government signed a treaty of annexation with Hawaii. 1903 Ford Motor Company was incorporated. 1907 The Russian czar dissolved the Duma in St. Petersburg. 1909 Glenn Hammond Curtiss sold his first airplane, the "Gold Bug" to the New York Aeronautical Society for $5,000. 1922 Henry Berliner accomplished the first American helicopter flight at College Park, MD. 1925 France accepted a German proposal for a security pact. 1932 The ban on Nazi storm troopers was lifted by the von Papen government in Germany. 1940 Marshal Henri-Philippe Petain became the prime minister of the Vichy government of occupied France. 1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the closure of all German consulates in the United States. The deadline was set as July 10. 1955 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to extend Selective Service until 1959. 1955 Argentine naval officers launched an attack on President Juan Peron's headquarters. The revolt was suppressed by the army. 1963 26-year-old Valentina Tereshkova went into orbit aboard the Vostok 6 spacecraft for three days. She was the first female space traveler. 1972 Ulrike Meinhof was captured by West German police in Hanover. She was co-founder of the Baader-Meinhof terrorist group and the Red Army Faction (Rote Armee Fraktion). 1975 The Simonstown agreement on naval cooperation between Britain and South Africa ended. The agreement was formally ended by mutual agreement after 169 years. 1976 In Soweto, thousands of school children revolted against the South African government's plan to enforce Afrikaans as the language for instruction in black schools. 1977 Leonid Brezhnev was named the first Soviet president of the USSR. He was the first person to hold the post of president and Communist Party General Secretary. He replaced Nikolai Podgorny. 1978 U.S. President Carter and Panamanian leader Omar Torrijos ratified the Panama Canal treaties. 1981 The "Chicago Tribune" purchased the Chicago Cubs baseball team from the P.K. Wrigley Chewing Gum Company for $20.5 million. 1983 Yuri Andropov was elected chairman of the Presidium of the Supreme Soviet. The position was the equivalent of president. 1984 Wilson Ferreira Aldunate was arrested upon his return from an eleven year exile. Aldunate had been a popular Uruguayan opposition leader. 1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush welcomed Russian President Boris Yeltsin to a meeting in Washington, DC. The two agreed in principle to reduce strategic weapon arsenals by about two-thirds by the year 2003. 1996 Russian voters had their first independent presidential election. Boris Yeltsin was the winner after a run-off. 1999 The U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals said that a 1992 federal music piracy law does not prohibit a palm-sized device that can download high-quality digital music files from the Internet and play them at home. 2000 U.S. Secretary of Energy Bill Richardson reported that an employee at the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico had discovered that two computer hard drives were missing. 2008 California began issuing marriage licenses to same- sex couples. 2017 Amazon announced plans to buy Whole Foods for $13.7 billion. 2020 Do smiled. |
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