Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, December 10 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Thank you, Wendy!! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: Fugitive accused of shooting at California police officer arrested in Buckeye, AZ ____________________________________________________ Today, December 9, in 1998 Six astronauts opened the doors to the new international space station 250 miles above the Earth's surface. ____________________________________________________ Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. --- John Wilmot A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't. --- Unknown Men who never get carried away should be. --- Malcolm Forbes ____________________________________________________ During a children's sermon the pastor asked the children what "Amen" means. A little boy raised his hand and said: "It means "Annnnnd They're Offf, racing for the parking lot!" ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Julie for this one: My mother taught me to read when I was three years old (her first mistake). One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen??? Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for "special occasions". Now fast forward a few months..... It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up the pastor and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table. When they returned, the pastor came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge! My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. "But, Mom, you SAID they were for special occasions!" ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Juan Carlos Vazquez, 38, San Fernando, California, USA Fugitive accused of shooting at California police officer arrested in Buckeye, AZ A man wanted in California for reportedly opening fire at a police officer last month was taken into custody in Buckeye, authorities said on Wednesday. The Buckeye Police Department and U.S. Marshals worked together to arrest 38-year-old Juan Carlos Vazquez at a truck stop near Miller Road and Interstate 10 on Dec. 7. Investigators say they tracked Vazquez to the truck stop on Tuesday afternoon and found him sitting in a parked car. He was reportedly armed with an AR-15. Vazquez reportedly resisted commands to get out of the car, and officers used "less-lethal" munitions to take him into custody. Three other people were inside the car and were arrested for drug possession and other charges. He had allegedly opened fire on a San Fernando officer in the Angeles National Forest on Nov. 8. He has been booked into jail and is awaiting extradition to California. Authorities call him "very dangerous" and said they were "determined we needed to jump on this case." Investigators say it started in California when an officer tried pulling over a white truck, but then lost sight of the suspect, later determined to be Vazquez. Down the street, the pickup was pulled over to the side of the road. That's when Vazquez reportedly started shooting at the officer and then ran away. "Over the weekend, we were contacted by the LASD about a possible violent offender in our city," Buckeye Police said. Officers began surveilling Vazquez and that's what led up to them making their move at the gas station. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Larry Re: "Select ALL" Secret in Gmail Dear Webby I tried to clear all the spam and old emails from my gmail but there is no "select all" for me to click on anywhere on the page. ???? I would have to click on hundreds of individual emails to get rid of all of them. Larry Dear Larry When you see the list of all the mails, there is a small, inconspicuous little square just above on the left side. Hit that, and all the visible mails will get a checkmark, showing that they have been selected. So, first filter all the ones from Walfart or whoever you want to nuke, then hit the little square at the top left, just above the list of baddies, then hit "Delete". Keep in mind, that only puts them into the trash. At the end of your clean-up session, you still have to dump the trash. Have FUN! DearWebby Kyle and Justin were about to eat with the baby sitter when 6 year old Kyle said, "You can't sit in Daddy's seat!" "Daddy's not home," the baby sitter replied. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss." Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, "If you're the boss, you have to sit over there in Mommy's chair!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray and said, "And what will your third wish be?" The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?" "You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left." "Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I wish I were irresistible to women." "Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever. "That was your first wish, too!" ______________________________________________ Waxing eloquent on the sins of the flesh, the dynamic young preacher who had more enthusiasm than experience with the new echo-cancelling lapel microphone, raised himself to full height, leaned over the pulpit and boomed, "Bwothers and sifters, if hare are any among yooo, who have committed adultewy, may your tongue stick to the woof of youw mouf!" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Minnesota recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish." "Pet fish?!" the warden replied. "Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home." "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works." "O.K. I've GOT to see this!" the game warden replied. The man poured the fish in to the water and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?" "Well, what?" the man asked. "When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted. "Call who back?" the man asked. "The FISH." "What fish?" the man asked. ___________________________________________________ | Today, December 10, in 1520 Martin Luther publicly burned the papal edict. The papacy demanded that he recant or face excommunication. Luther refused and was formally expelled from the church in January 1521. 1768 The Royal Academy of Arts was founded in London by George III. Joshua Reynolds was its first president. 1817 Mississippi was admitted to the Union as the 20th American state. 1845 British civil engineer Robert Thompson patented the first pneumatic tires. 1869 Women were granted the right to vote in the Wyoming Territory. 1898 A treaty was signed in Paris that officially ended the Spanish-American War. Also, Cuba became independent of Spain. 1901 The first Nobel prizes were awarded. 1906 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt became the first American to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, for helping mediate an end to the Russo-Japanese War. 1931 Jane Addams became a co-recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize, she was the first American woman to do so. 1939 The National Football League's attendance exeeded 1 million in a season for the first time. 1941 Japan invaded the Philippines. 1941 The Royal Naval battleships Prince of Wales and Repulse were sunk by Japanese aircraft in the Battle of Malaysia. 1948 The United Nations General Assembly adopted its Universal Declaration on Human Rights. 1950 Dr. Ralph J. Bunche was presented the Nobel Peace Prize. He was the first African-American to receive the award. Bunche was awarded the prize for his efforts in mediation between Israel and neighboring Arab states. 1953 Hugh Hefner published the first "Playboy" magazine with an investment of $7,600. 1958 The first domestic passenger jet flight took place in the U.S. when 111 passengers flew from New York to Miami on a National Airlines Boeing 707. 1964 In Oslo, Norway, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. received the Nobel Peace Prize. He was the youngest person to receive the award. 1980 South Carolina Representative John W. Jenretter resigned to avoid being expelled from the U.S. House of Representatives following his conviction on charges to the FBI's Abscam investigation. 1982 The Law of the Sea Convention was signed by 118 countries in Montego Bay, Jamaica. 23 nations and the U.S. were excluded. 1983 Raul Alfonsin was inaugurated as Argentina's first civilian president after nearly eight years of military rule. 1984 South African Bishop Desmond Tutu received the Nobel Peace Prize. 1990 The U.S. Food & Drug Administration approved Norplant, a long-acting contraceptive implant. 1992 Oregon Senator Bob Packwood apologized for what he called "unwelcome and offensive" actions toward women. However, he refused to resign. 1993 The crew of the space shuttle Endeavor deployed the repaired Hubble Space Telescope into Earth's orbit. 1994 Advertising executive Thomas Mosser of North Caldwell, NJ, was killed by a mail bomb that was blamed on the Unabomber. 1994 Yasser Arafat, Shimon Peres and Yitzhak Rabin received the Nobel Peace Prize. They pledged to pursue their mission of healing the Middle East. 1995 The first U.S. Marines arrived in the Bosnian capital of Sarajevo to join NATO soldiers sent to enforce peace in the former Yugoslavia. 1996 South Africa's President Mandela signed into law a new democratic constitution, completing the country's transition from white-minority rule to a non-racial democracy. 1998 Six astronauts opened the doors to the new international space station 250 miles above the Earth's surface. 1998 The Palestinian leadership scrapped constitutional clauses that rejected Israel's existence. 1999 After three years under suspicion of being a spy for China, computer scientist Wen Ho Lee was arrested. He was charged with removing secrets from the Los Alamos weapons lab. Lee later pled guilty to one count of downloading restricted data to tape and was freed. The other 58 counts were dropped. 2003 The U.S. barred firms based in certain countries, opponents of the Iraq war, from bidding on Iraqi reconstruction projects. The ban did not prevent companies from winning subcontracts. 2007 Cristina Fernandez was sworn in as Argentina's first elected female president. 2021 Do smiled. |
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