Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, May 4 _____________________________________________________ Today, May 4 in 1715 A French manufacturer debuted the first folding umbrella. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
   
 Today's Bonehead Award: Student drives away from court moments after being banned from the roads  ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. --- Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977) Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. --- Mae West (1892 - 1980), _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ An American tourist travelling in Limerick came across a little antique shop in which he was lucky enough to pick up, for a mere $150, the skull of Saint Patrick. Included in the price was a certificate of the skull's authenticity, signed by Saint Patrick himself. Ten years later the tourist returned to Ireland and asked the antique shop owner if he had any more bargains. "I've got the very thing for you," said the Irishman. "It's the genuine skull of Saint Patrick". "You swindler," said the American. "You sold me that ten years ago," and, producing the skull, added, "Look, they're not even the same size". "You have it all wrong," said the Irishman. "This is the skull of Saint Patrick when he was a lad". ______________________________________________________`   _____________________________________________________ 
 If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  Thanks for your votes!
 ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor:  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Saif Shaikh, 20, Bradford, West Yorkshire England  Student drives away from court moments after being banned from the roads  Student drives away from court moments after being banned from the roads  
 A student drove away from court after he was banned from the roads for a crash that left a woman seriously injured. Saif Shaikh, 20, was pictured getting into his Volkswagen Golf GTI just minutes after the hearing at Manchester Crown Court May 1. The Manchester Metropolitan University student had just pleaded guilty to causing serious injury by dangerous driving. His case was adjourned for a report to be prepared ahead of sentencing. However, Judge Timothy Smith banned Shaikh from the road ahead of that hearing. But after a verbal interim disqualification was put in place Shaikh nodded to the judge, walked to his car parked around 50 yards away from the court on Bridge Street before driving away He was even driving the same black Golf he drove when he crashed into the woman on Upper Brook Street on November 18 last year. The court heard the woman was visiting her son, who is in permanent care at Manchester Royal Infirmary when she was hit. At the plea and trial preparation hearing, Shaikh's lawyer asked the judge to postpone sentencing until he had finished his first- year exams. Shaikh, originally from Bradford, West Yorkshire, has no previous convictions. He will be sentenced on June 14.  From: Julie Re: How to send pictures  Dear Webby How do you get pictures to post in your humor letter? I have noticed that sometimes they are from subscribers. What would I need to do? Thanks, Julie.  Dear Julie Just attach or embed the pictures in email. A lot safer than putting them under your pillow for a late-night pick-up. That would just get your hubby upset. To embed a picture, copy it in your graphics program, and paste it into the email. To attach it, find the icon in your email program for attaching files, click on it and then browse to where you got that picture saved. Have FUN! DearWebby  
  Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 "What's the matter?" Bill asked. "I don't' get it," Bob sighed. "The dating scene is so confusing. There are so many damn people you have to please. "Like this one woman, she liked me, her mom liked me, but her father hated me. "Then there was this other woman, both of her parents really liked me, but SHE didn't like me. "And then there was this woman I met last night. She absolutely loved me, her parents seemed to really like me too, BUT her husband couldn't stand me!" 
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 Jon and George, both farmers, met at the state fair. "Tell me," asked Jon, "what did you give your mule when he had the colic?" "Turpentine," George answered. A few months after the fair, they meet up again. "Say, George, WHAT did you say you gave your mule when he was sick with colic?" Jon asked. "I said I gave him turpentine." "Well, I gave turpentine to MINE and it died!" George nods his head. "That's strange. So did mine." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Inexpensive Camping Bowl Moving Large Planters Large planters can be very difficult to move. Since most planters are wider on top than on the bottom, they can be difficult to move with a hand truck. If you have an old skateboard lying around, try moving the planters with it. If you don't have one you can probably find one at your local thrift store. They work well for moving other heavy objects as well. thriftyfun.Com   ____________________________________________________   
  
April's Southern Arizona desert wildflowers are beautiful! 
 ___________________________________________________ An English parachutist and an Irish parachutist were arguing about who was best at folding a parachute. Unable to resolve their dispute on the ground, they decided to go up in a plane and judge by the mid-air performance of their parachutes. The Irishman jumped first, pulled his cord, and started floating down towards the earth. Then the Englishman jumped, pulled his cord and nothing happened; he pulled his safety cord - nothing. In a matter of seconds he whizzed past the Irishman, plummeting like a stone. "Oh," shouted the Irishman, yanking off his harness, "so ya wanna race, do ya?!" ___________________________________________________ I happened to be watching some folks talk in line at the store, when this question came up: "In what club are all the members liars?" Two of them, almost simultaneously, answered, "Congress." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled her in Catholic school in the hopes to improve her math grades. During the first marking period, her mother noticed a dramatic improvement in her math studies. The girl would refuse playing with friends and eating dessert after dinner in order to study more. On report card day, her mother was astonished to see that her daughter got an A+ in math. She asked her daughter, "Why the sudden change of attitude about math -- do the nuns punish you?" The girl replied, "No, but when I saw the little man on the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew that this school is very serious about math!" ___________________________________________________  
 Today May 4 in 1471 In England, the Yorkists defeated the Landcastrians at the battle of Tewkesbury in the War of the Roses. 1493 Alexander VI divided non-Christian world between Spain and Portugal. 1626 Dutch explorer Peter Minuit landed on Manhattan Island. Native Americans later sold the island (20,000 acres) for $24 in cloth and buttons. 1715 A French manufacturer debuted the first folding umbrella. 1776 Rhode Island declared its freedom from England two months before the Declaration of Independence was adopted. 1814 Napoleon Bonaparte disembarked at Portoferraio on the island of Elba in the Mediterranean. 1863 The Battle of Chancellorsville ended when the Union Army retreated. 1886 A bomb exploded on the fourth day of a workers' strike in Chicago, IL. Eight people died during violence that day. 1886 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter patented the gramophone. It was the first practical phonograph. 1904 The U.S. formally took control of the property for construction of the Panama Canal. 1905 Belmont Park opened in suburban Long Island. It opened as the largest race track in the world. 1916 Germany agreed to limit its submarine warfare after a demand from U.S. President Wilson. 1942 The Battle of the Coral Sea commenced as American and Japanese carriers launched their attacks at each other. 1942 The United States began food rationing. 1961 Thirteen civil rights activists, dubbed "Freedom Riders," began a bus trip through the South. 1970 The Ohio National Guardsmen opened fire on students during an anti-Vietnam war protest at Kent State University. Four students were killed and nine others were wounded. 1979 Margaret Thatcher became Britain's first woman prime minister. 1981 The Federal Reserve Board raised its discount rate to 14%. 1987 Live models were used for the first time in Playtex bra ads. 1994 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin and PLO leader Yasser Arafat signed a historic accord on Palestinian autonomy that granted self-rule in the Gaza Strip and Jericho. 2000 The citizens of London elected their mayor for the first time. 2003 Idaho Gem was born. He was the first member of the horse family to be cloned. 2010 Pablo Picasso's "Nude, Green Leaves and Bust" sold for $106.5 million. 2012 In Las Vegas, NV, Google received the first self-driving vehicle testing license. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog