Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, December 6 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: Suicide by cop ____________________________________________________ Today, December 6, in 1917 More than 1,600 people died when two munitions ships collided in the harbor at Halifax, Nova Scotia. ____________________________________________________ History is more or less bunk. --- Henry Ford (1863 - 1947) Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember. -- Oscar Levant ____________________________________________________ A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police. "For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on the nightstand in my bedroom." When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn't sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?" "What?" said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?" "I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "he knew exactly where it was." ____________________________________________________ Buff-Breasted-Paradise-Kingfisher ____________________________________________________ An auto mechanic received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a 'clunk.' He then made a left turn and again heard a 'clunk.' Back at the shop he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with the notation, "Removed dead pumpkin from trunk". ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Levon Lopez, 49, Boca Raton, Florida, USA Suicide by cop A Boca Raton woman who was shot and killed by police Monday in Coconut Creek had just been released from jail in Palm Beach County. Levon Lopez appeared in Broward County court on Wednesday to face a murder charge even though he didnt shoot and kill Brittni Muldrew. Coconut Creek police officers did. Prosecutors argue Lopez, 49, who was born in New York and lived in Boca Raton, contributed to causing the situation that led to the shooting shortly before 8:25 p.m., on Monday in the city of Coconut Creek. Muldrew, 36, was driving a white Mercedes-Benz that was reported stolen out of a gas station in Parkland, police said. She was speeding westbound on Hillsborough Boulevard and Lopez was a passenger, police said. Three officers and a police canine were injured while trying to arrest Muldrew and Lopez. When Muldrew reversed the car in the direction of police officers, two of the officers fired their weapons, wounding Muldrew near Lyons Road, police said. Officers performed cardiopulmonary resuscitation on Muldrew. A doctor later pronounced her dead. The two officers who fired their weapons remain on administrative leave. The Florida Department of Law Enforcement is investigating the shooting. Officers arrested Lopez, who wasnt injured during the shooting, and he faces charges in the Broward County capital homicide case assigned to Broward Circuit Judge Elizabeth Scherer at the Central Courthouse. Lopez appeared in front of Broward Circuit Judge Tabitha Blackmon to face a charge of murder while engaged in a certain felony offense. In Florida, when someone dies during the commission of a felony, prosecutors can file a murder charge against the person who committed or attempted to commit the felony. Lopez is also facing a grand theft auto charge, but his attorney told Blackmon that Lopez didnt know the car was stolen and all of the charges need to be dropped. Blackmon didnt buy it and denied him bond. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Sylvie Re: Start a business Dear Webby What is all involved with starting a new business, preferably Online, because I can't afford a fashionable downtown location? The company I used to work at went out of business after we got cleaned out by a flash mob. Insurance does not pay for war or riots, so the owner just shut it down. I can do graphics, and basic accounting. What do you recommend? Sylvie Dear Sylvie Find something that exites you. Anything from cats to whales, even clouds. If a topic does not excite you, then keep looking. Your own business means working 18 or more hours a day, and no days off. If you are not totally excited about your topic, you won't do that and the business will fail. Once you have found YOUR topic, tell me and I will outline the next steps. Have FUN! DearWebby A Bonehead award goes to a Viroqua, Wisconsin man who held up a bank after meticulous planning, making sure there were no fingerprints on the holdup note, that he obscured his face from the cameras, that the teller's window had no alarm and that the money taken did not include an exploding red dye booby trap, according to a police officer who saw him casually walking down the street, away from the bank, carrying two large money bags, with the name of the bank clearly visible on both bags. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. "You see," he explained, "my wife's expecting." "Oh..." said the Officer, "I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck." The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation: "My wife's expecting." The Officer looked surprised. "Still expecting?" he said, "Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the week-end off." When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however, the Officer lost his temper. "Don't tell me your wife is still expecting!" he bellowed. "Yes sir!" said the soldier resolutely, "She's still expecting." "What in heaven is she expecting?" yelled the Officer. "Me." said the soldier simply. ______________________________________________ Twohundred pound Nancy is five feet, two inches tall and considers herself pleasingly plump. After she had a minor accident, her mother accompanied her to the emergency room. The ER nurse asked for her height and weight, and she blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 115 pounds." While the nurse pondered over this information, her mother leaned over and whispered to her: "Nancy," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A nearsighted minister glances at the note that a member of the congregation has delivered to him through an usher. The note reads, "Bill Jones, having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." Failing to observe the punctuation, the minister startles his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." ___________________________________________________ | Today, December 6, in 1735 In London, French surgeon Claudius Amyand peformed the first successful appendectomy at St. George's Hospital. The patient was an 11-year old boy that had swallowed a pin. 1774 Austria became the first nation to introduce a state education system. 1790 The U.S. Congress moved from New York to Philadelphia. 1865 The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. The amendment abolished slavery in the U.S. 1877 Thomas Edison demonstrated the first gramophone, with a recording of himself reciting Mary Had a Little Lamb. 1883 "Ladies' Home Journal" was published for the first time. 1884 The construction of the Washington Monument was completed by Army engineers. The project took 34 years. 1889 Jefferson Davis died in New Orleans. He was the first and only president of the Confederate States of America. 1907 In Monongah, WV, 361 people were killed in America's worst mine disaster. 1917 More than 1,600 people died when two munitions ships collided in the harbor at Halifax, Nova Scotia. 1917 Finland proclaimed independence from Russia. 1921 The Catholic Irish Free State was created as a self- governing dominion of Britain when an Anglo-Irish treaty was signed. 1923 U.S. President Calvin Coolidge became the first president to give a presidential address that was broadcast on radio. 1926 In Italy, Benito Mussolini introduced a tax on bachelors. 1947 Everglades National Park in Florida was dedicated by U.S. President Truman. 1957 AFL-CIO members voted to expel the International Brotherhood of Teamsters. The Teamsters were readmitted in 1987. 1957 America's first attempt at putting a satellite into orbit failed when the satellite blew up on the launch pad at Cape Canaveral, FL. 1960 Gene Autry and Bob Reynolds were granted the Los Angeles Angels baseball franchise by the American League. 1973 Gerald R. Ford was sworn in as the vice-president of the United States after vice-president Spiro Agnew resigned. 1982 11 soldiers and 6 civilians were killed when a bomb exploded in a pub in Ballykelly, Northern Ireland. The Irish National Liberation Army was responsible for planting the bomb. 1983 In Jerusalem, a bomb planted on a bus exploded killing six Israelis and wounding 44. 1985 Congressional negotiators reached an agreement on a deficit-cutting proposal that later became the Gramm-Rudman- Hollings law. 1989 The worst mass shooting in Canadian history occurred when a man gunned down 14 women at the University of Montreal's school of engineering. The man then killed himself. 1989 Egon Krenz resigned as leader of East Germany. 1990 Iraq announced that it would release all its 2,000 foreign hostages. 1992 Germany's primary political parties agreed to tighten postwar asylum laws. 1992 In India, thousands of Hindu extremists destroyed a mosque. The following two months of Hindu-Muslim rioting resulted in at least 2,000 people being killed. 1993 Former priest James R. Porter was sentenced to 18 to 20 years in prison. Porter had admitted molesting 28 children in the 1960s. 1994 Orange County, CA, filed for bankruptcy protection due to investment losses of about $2 billion. The county is one of the richest in the U.S. and became the largest municipality to file for bankruptcy. 1997 A Russian Antonov 124 military transport crashed into a residential area in Irkutsk, Russia, shortly after takeoff. 70 people were killed. 1998 In Venezuela, former Lieutenant Colonel Hugo Chavez was elected president. He had staged a bloody coup attempt against the government six years earlier. 1998 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavour connected the first two building blocks of the international space station in the shuttle cargo bay. 2002 Winona Ryder was sentenced to 36 months of probation and 480 hours of community service stemming from her conviction for shoplifting from Saks Fifth Avenue. She was also ordered to pay $10,000 in fines and restitution. 2002 Officials released the detailed plans for a $4.7 million memorial commemorating Princess Diana. The large oval fountain was planned to be constructed in London's Hyde Park. 2021 Do smiled. |
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