Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, February 26 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Georgia woman torches ex-husband's home and 19 others.Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, February 26 in 1815 Napoleon Bonaparte escaped from the Island of Elba. He then began his second conquest of France. See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age. --- William Feather You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time. --- Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865) Broom Hilda tried anyway. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ I couldn't help but overhear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at a bar. One of the guys says, "Man you look tired." His buddy says, "Dude I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just don't know what to do." A fellow about my age, sitting a couple of stools down had also over- heard the conversation. He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says, "Marry her. That'll put a stop to that!" ______________________________________________________ Here is one I remember reading when I started learning English around 1960. The Master of the house is comfortably installed in an armchair in the library, reading a newspaper. Suddenly, James, his butler, rips the door open and shouts, "Sir, the Thames is flooding the streets!" The Master looks up calmly from the newspaper and says, "James, please. I have already told you. If you do have something important to tell me, first knock on the door, then enter and inform me of the issue, in a quiet and civilized manner. Now please, do so." James apologizes and closes the door behind him. Three seconds later, the Master hears a knock on the door. "Yes?" James partially enters the room, and with a wide gesture, makes an invitation as for somebody on the outside to enter, then says, "Sir, the Thames." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   Looking For Al Gore _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ When the type on a man's printer begins to grow faint, he calls a local repair shop where a friendly man informs him that the printer probably only needs to be cleaned. "We charge $50 to clean a printer," he says, "so you might be better off reading the manual and doing the job yourself." Surprised by the clerk's candor, the man asks, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually, it's my boss's idea," the clerk replies sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Adrienne Satterly, 41, Hiram, Georgia  Georgia woman torches ex-husband's home and 19 others.  Adrienne Satterly, 41, allegedly piled matresses on the floor of his home in Atlanta, Ga, before setting them alight. But the blaze, which she set while it was dark in the early hours of Sunday, spread to neighboring homes, forcing residents to flee. Satterly then walked to a Walmart an hour away and called 911 around 3.25am to come pick her up. She did not mention the fire. In 911 audio obtained on Tuesday by The Constitution, Satterly never mentioned a fire. She told a dispatcher she had a 'kitty cat and a suitcase' and asked if someone could pick her up from Walmart. 'Where do you need them to go?' the dispatcher asked. 'To Greystone,' Satterly said. 'By the hospital.' She gave her address to the Rosemont Court home but told the dispatcher that she had been ordered to leave the residence due to a court case. Documents revealed police had been called to the home nearly two dozen times in the past year for calls including domestic disputes, thefts and disagreements with tenants who were renting a room. The report had no details about why court had ordered her to leave her ex-husband's home, but it seems her alcohol problems and refusal to contribute to the rent were some of the issues.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Erin Re: Weed out Gmail  Dear Webby, In 2005 you told me that Gmail had near unlimited storage. Well, I forgot that "near" is not the same as absolulte, and I got a warning, that I was getting close to my limit. I am, for a change, not blaming you. Dumping SPAM and TRASH gave me enough space to stop panicking. Now, how do I get rid of the oldest mails? I never look up anything over a year old anyway. Thanks Erin  Dear Erin Go into the settings in the sprocket icon, and change the mails per page to 100. Then click the on top to show Oldest On Top Set up convenient HotKeys for Select all (on the page) and Delete ALL (selected) I use ~ and ! for those. While in the INBOX, with Oldest on top, I hit ~! and the 100 oldest are gone. Great finger exercise while you are waiting for something to load. If you want to get really rambunctious, and automate it, make a filter. Step 1 Log in to your Gmail account. Click the gear icon near the top-right corner of the window, then click "Settings" from the drop-down menu that appears. Step 2 Click the "Filters" section tab, then click "Create a new filter." Step 3 Type the following in the the "Has the words" text box: older_than:x For "x" you should type the time frame you prefer for deleting old messages. You can use "d" for days, "w" for weeks, "m" for months and "y" for years. For example, if you wanted to delete messages older than one month, you would type "older_than:1m" without the quotation marks. For deleting messages older than 9 months, type "older_than:9m". Step 4 Click "Create filter with this search." Step 5 Check the box beside the option labeled "Delete it" and the box beside "Also apply filter to." The latter option will also list the total number of conversations that fit your criteria. That might take a while. Step 6 Click "Create filter." All your emails older than the date you specified will be deleted. Future Deletion Step 1 Click the gear icon in Gmail; then click "Settings." Step 2 Click the "Filters" tab. Step 3 Click the "Edit" option beside the filter you created for deleting old messages. You can easily find the correct filter because it will display the criteria you specified. Step 4 Click "Continue" in the section that appears with your search criteria. This screen looks like the section that appeared when you originally set up the filter. Step 5 Check the box beside the option "Also apply filter to." Step 6 Click "Update filter." This will again delete all your messages earlier than the time frame you specified. When Gmail deletes your messages, they are sent to the "Trash" section, which is listed in the left-hand navigation section. They will remain in Trash for 30 days until they are permanently deleted. You delete all items in the trash if you prefer by click the "Trash" section and then clicking "Empty Trash now." UNTIL you dump the Gmail TRASH, all that stuff still counts against your allotment. Dumping the trash should be the last and final part of the cleanup. Have FUN! DearWebby   
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 With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight." His wife replied, "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't have time to go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal tonight!" The husband said, "Yes, same as usual. I know all that." "Then why in the world did you invite your friend for supper tonight?" asked the wife. The guy answered, "Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married." 
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 Thanks to Walter the stonecarver from http://stonecarver.com for this report: The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even" A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Plants From Slugs Cut old metal window screens into 1x1 squares. Then cut a hole in the center of the square and put it on the ground around the plant. Slugs don't like to slither across window screens.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  GROAN ALERT! One day in the forest, three animals were discussing who among them was the most powerful. "I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop down swiftly at my prey." "That's nothing," said the mountain lion, "I am not only fleet, but I have powerful teeth and claws." "I am the most powerful," said the skunk, "because with a flick of my tail, I can drive off the two of you." Just then a huge grizzly bear lumbered out of the forest and settled the debate by eating them all. . . . hawk, lion, and stinker.  
First Known Video Footage of Rare Snow White Giraffe Captured in Kenya 
 Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in Merseyside, Liverpool. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained. The Merseyside Regional Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area. Police are confident that anyone who looks like Workin will be very easy to spot in their community. ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, February 26, in 1815 Napoleon Bonaparte escaped from the Island of Elba. He then began his second conquest of France. 1848 The second French Republic was proclaimed. 1863 U.S. President Lincoln signed the National Currency Act. 1870 In New York City, the first pneumatic-powered subway line was opened to the public. (Beach Pneumatic Transit) 1881 S.S. Ceylon began his world-wide cruise, beginning in Liverpool, England. 1907 The U.S. Congress raised their own pay to $7500. 1916 Mutual signed Charlie Chaplin to a film contract. 1919 In Arizona, the Grand Canyon was established as a National Park with an act of the U.S. Congress. 1929 U.S. President Coolidge signed a bill creating the Grand Teton National Park. 1930 New York City installed traffic lights. 1933 A ground-breaking ceremony was held at Crissy Field for the Golden Gate Bridge. 1945 In the U.S., a nationwide midnight curfew went into effect. 1952 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill announced that Britain had developed an atomic bomb. 1979 "Flatbush" debuted on CBS-TV. 1986 Corazon Aquino was inaugurated president of the Philippines. Long time President Ferdinand Marcos went into exile. 1987 The Tower Commission rebuked U.S. President Reagan for failing to control his national security staff in the wake of the Iran-Contra affair. 1987 The U.S.S.R. conducted its first nuclear weapons test after a 19- month moratorium period. 1991 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein announced on Baghdad Radio that Iraqi troops were being withdrawn from Kuwait. 1993 Six people were killed and more than a thousand injured when a van exploded in the parking garage beneath the World Trade Center in New York City. The bomb had been built by Islamic extremists. 1995 Barings PLC collapsed after a securities dealer lost more than $1.4 billion by gambling on Tokyo stock prices. The company was Britain's oldest investment banking firm. 1998 A Texas jury rejected an $11 million lawsuit by Texas cattlemen who blamed Oprah Winfrey for price drop after on-air comment about mad-cow disease. 1998 In Oregon, a health panel ruled that taxpayers must help to pay for doctor-assisted suicides. 2001 A U.N. tribunal convicted Bosnian Croat political leader Dario Kordic and military commander Mario Cerkez of war crimes. They had ordered the systematic murder and persecution of Muslim civilians during the Bosnian war. 2002 In Rome, Italy, a bomb exploded near the Interior Ministry. No injuries were reported. 2009 Former Serbian president Milan Milutinovic was acquitted by the International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia regarding war crimes during the Kosovo War. 2009 The Pentagon reveresed its 18-year policy of not allowing media to cover returning war dead. The reversal allowsd some media coverage with family approval. 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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