Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, November 22 Tomorrow I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs. That means nothing will be sent out for Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Elderly man tied up and robbed twice by 19-year-old neighbor. Robber in jail now. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, November 22 in 1963 U.S. President Kennedy was assassinated while riding in a motorcade in Dallas, TX. Texas Governor John B. Connally was also seriously wounded. Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson was inaugurated as the 36th U.S. President. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores. --- Terry Pratchett, Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as cats do. --- Lee Entrekin "I was married for a short time. Just long enough to realize that all those comedians weren't joking" --- Daniel Lybra ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ In front of a delicatessen, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a start, was a rare and precious piece of pottery. He strolled into the store and offered two dollars for the cat. "It's not for sale," said the proprietor. "Look," said the collector, "that cat is dirty and undesirable, but I'm eccentric. I like cats that way. I'll raise my offer to ten dollars." "It's a deal," said the proprietor, and pocketed the ten on the spot. "For that sum I'm sure you won't mind throwing in the saucer," said the connoisseur. "The kitten seems so happy drinking from it." "Nothing doing," said the proprietor firmly. "That's my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so far this week I've sold 34 stray cats, some of them more than once." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ I have run this Oldie-Goldie almost every year. It keeps coming back, so it must be good. Thanks to the folks from Erie for sending it back to me this time: A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the check-out, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear,"PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?" _____________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying "Free to good home, You want it you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal, looks to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read "Fridge for sale $5o". That night someone stole it. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Anthony Kimmons, 19, Kenosha, Wisconsin Elderly man tied up and robbed twice by 19-year-old neighbor. Robber in jail now. Months after a 78-year-old man was tied up and robbed in his home not once, but twice, prosecutors have announced charges. A 19-year-old man is now behind bars. Neighbors are shocked to learn the man police were looking for lived just a stone's throw away from his victim. Anthony Kimmons is now facing eight felony charges, from armed robbery to kidnapping. Police say he told them he robbed the man because it "made him feel better." The elderly man's house now sits empty on 12th Avenue in Kenosha. "He said his goodbyes to everyone, everyone was real shaken up by it," said Benjamine Roman, neighbor. According to police, in July, the 78-year-old man was inside his home when an intruder came inside. Holding what appeared to be a gun, prosecutors say the suspect ordered the man to a chair. The suspect bound the victim's hands together with a gray electrical cord. His feet were tied with wrapping paper and black electrical tape. Eventually, the suspect made off with hundreds of dollars. It was a terrifying ordeal- if it had only happened once. "Then I heard it happened a second time," said Roman. "It's real sad." Investigators say less than a week later, the robber was back again. The victim once again was tied up, this time in his basement. For months, neighbors have been terrified. "What if that happened to us? We don't know what to do," said Jacola Hill, neighbor. This week, charges were filed. Prosecutors say DNA evidence has linked 19-year-old Kimmons to the crimes. Police say he admitted to the crimes, saying after the first robbery he "felt exhilarated" so he decided to go back again. The big surprise: the suspect and victim were also neighbors. Their homes are separated by an alley. "That's sad," said Hill. "That is really, really, really sad." Neighbors say they are thrilled to hear of an arrest, and are hoping their old neighbor can feel safe again. "It's so shocking. You never think something that dangerous could happen and then it does," said Roman. Police didn't have to go far to find Kimmons, because he was already in jail on a separate theft charge. Neighbors who have not seen the victim since he moved hope he can find closure with these charges. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Louise Re: HP driver Dear Webby, I have a HP Photo Smart 3200 all in one printer. For some reason I can't understand my husband uninstalled the printer. When I try to re-install it I get the message that Windows is unable to find the installation program even after I have inserted it. The scanner and copier still work. What can I do to get the printer installed again? Louise Dear Louise First go into the control panel, look for the CD and turn Auto-Play on. Then insert the HP disk and wait for it to bring up it's menu. It has a driver installation in the menu. Have FUN! DearWebby A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teef!" The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Thanks, but they're too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair...try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair... try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly!" With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "Oh I'm not a dentist. I work at the morgue." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
An employee for USAir, who happened to have the last name of GAY, got on a plane recently using one of his company's "Free Flight" programs. However, when Mr. Gay tried to take his seat, he found it being occupied by a paying passenger. So, not to make a fuss, he simply chose another seat. Unknown to Mr. Gay, another USAir flight at the airport experienced mechanical problems. The passengers of this other flight were being rerouted to various airplanes. A few were put on Mr. Gay's flight and anyone who was holding a "free" ticket was being "bumped". Airline officials, armed with a list of these "freebee" ticket holders boarded the plane to remove the free ticket holders. Of course, our Mr. Gay was not sitting in his assigned seat as you may remember. So when the Ticket Agent approached the seat where Mr. Gay was supposed to be sitting, she asked a startled customer "Are you Gay?". The man, shyly nodded that he was, at which point she demanded: "Then you have to get off the plane". Our Mr. Gay, overhearing what the Ticket Agent had said, tried to clear up the situation: "You've got the wrong man. I'm Gay!". This caused an angry third passenger to yell "Hell, I'm gay too! They can't kick us all off!" Confusion reined as more an more passengers began yelling that USAir had no right to remove gays from their flights. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Memory Aid: Use Small Sized Post-Its Small post-a-notes (1.5 x 2") are much more practical and economical than the larger sizes. I bought 2 packs for $1 (of 50 sheets per pad, 4 pads to the pack) at a dollar store. I now have 400 small post-its. This size is perfect for small reminders to myself and I am not wasting the larger ones or worse yet, having to cut them into strips because I don't want to waste them. By Ronsan Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ The anesthesiologist at the outpatient surgery center often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax. One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained. When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, "So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?" "Well," she replied, "I'm still cooking it." __________________________________________________ | | Medieval Ring Found In Real-Life Sherwood Forest Could Be Worth A Fortune! |
"Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life." "But I'm not getting married until tomorrow." Protested his nephew. "I know," replied the uncle. "That's exactly what I mean." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, November 22, in 1699 A treaty was signed by Denmark, Russia, Saxony and Poland for the partitioning of the Swedish Empire. 1718 English pirate Edward Teach (a.k.a. "Blackbeard") was killed during a battle off the coast of North Carolina. British soldiers cornered him aboard his ship and killed him. He was shot and stabbed more than 25 times. 1899 The Marconi Wireless Company of America was incorporated in New Jersey. 1906 The International Radio Telegraphic Convention in Berlin adopted the SOS distress signal. 1910 Arthur F. Knight patented a steel shaft to replace wood shafts in golf clubs. 1928 In Paris, "Bolero" by Maurice Ravel was first performed publicly. 1935 The first trans-Pacific airmail flight began in Alameda, CA, when the flying boat known as the China Clipper left for Manila. The craft was carrying over 110,000 pieces of mail. 1942 During World War II, the Battle of Stalingrad began. 1943 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill and Chinese leader Chiang Kai- shek met in Cairo to discuss the measures for defeating Japan. 1950 The lowest scoring game in the NBA was played. The Fort Wayne Pistons (later the Detroit Pistons) defeated the Minneapolis Lakers (later the Los Angeles Lakers) 19-18. 1963 U.S. President Kennedy was assassinated while riding in a motorcade in Dallas, TX. Texas Governor John B. Connally was also seriously wounded. Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson was inaugurated as the 36th U.S. President. 1967 The U.N. Security Council approved resolution 242. The resolution called for Israel to withdraw from territories it had captured in 1967 and called on adversaries to recognize Israel's right to exist. 1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon lifted a ban on American travel to Cuba. The ban had been put in place on February 8, 1963. 1974 The U.N. General Assembly gave the Palestine Liberation Organization observer status. 1975 Juan Carlos I was proclaimed King of Spain upon the death of Gen. Francisco Franco. 1975 "Dr. Zhivago" appeared on TV for the first time. NBC paid $4 million for the broadcast rights. 1977 Regular passenger service on the Concorde began between New York and Europe. 1983 The Bundestag approved NATO's plan to deploy new U.S. nuclear missiles in West Germany. 1984 Fred Rogers of PBS' "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood" presented a sweater to the Smithsonian Institution. 1985 Anne Henderson-Pollard was taken into custody a day after her husband Jonathon Jay Pollard was arrested for spying for Israel. 1985 38,648 immigrants became citizens of the United States. It was the largest swearing-in ceremony. 1986 An Iranian surface-to-surface missile hit a residential area in the Iraqi capital of Baghdad, wounding 20 civilians. 1986 Attorney Generel Meese's office discovered a memo in Colonel Oliver North's office that included an amount of money to be sent to the Contras from the profits of weapons sales to Iran. 1986 Mike Tyson became the youngest to wear the world heavyweight-boxing crown. He was only 20 years and 4 months old. 1988 The South African government announced it had joined Cuba and Angola in endorsing a plan to remove Cuban troops from Angola. 1989 Rene Moawad, the president of Lebanon, was assassinated less than three weeks after taking office by a bomb that exploded next to his motorcade in West Beirut. 1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush, his wife, Barbara, and other congressional leaders shared Thanksgiving dinner with U.S. troops in Saudi Arabia. 1993 Mexico's Senate overwhelmingly approved the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA). 1994 Inside the District of Columbia's police headquarters a gunman opened fire. Two FBI agents, a city detective and the gunman were killed in the gun battle. 1994 In northwest Bosnia, Serb fighters set villages on fire in response to a retaliatory air strikes by NATO. 1998 CBS's "60 Minutes" aired a tape of Jack Kevorkian giving lethal drugs in an assisted suicide of a terminally ill patient. Kevorkian was later sentenced to 25 years in prison for second-degree murder. 2005 Angela Merkel was elected as Germany's first female chancellor. 2005 Microsoft's XBOX 360 went on sale. 2013 The discovery of Siats meekerorum was announced. The dinosaur skeleton, more than 30 feet long, was found in eastern Utah. 2017 Do smiled. |
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