Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, February 9 ___________________________________________________ Today, February 9 in 1950 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that the State Department was riddled with Communists. This was the beginning of "McCarthyism." We need him back! ______________________________________________________ Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions. --- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809 - 1894) ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Man arrested after fleeing crash into stopped school bus __________________________________________ Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees" Guest (G) "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service" RS: "Rye. Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to ordor sunteen? G: "Uh. Yes. I'd like some bacon and eggs" RS: Ow July den?" G: "What?" RS: "Ow July den?..pry, boy, pooch?" G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry. Scrambled please." RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?" G: "Crisp will be fine." RS: "Hokay. An San tos?" G: "What?" RS: "San tos. July San tos?" G: "I don't think so." RS: "NO? July one toes??" G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'july one toes' means." RS: "Toes! toes!..why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow slinglish moppin we bother?" G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast'. Fine. Yes, and English muffin will be fine." RS: "We bother?" G: "No..just put the bother on the side." RS: "Wad?" G. "I mean butter..just put it on the side." RS: Copy?" G: "Sorry." RS: "Copy..tea..mill?" G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all." RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish moppin we bother honey sigh, and copy...rye?" G: "Whatever you say" RS: "Tenjewberrymud." G: "You're welcome." __________________________________________ Thanks to Barb for sending me this picture: The Gulf Of Alaska, where two oceans meet but do not mix __________________________________________ A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the young couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "OK, I will," replied the husband, "as soon as you sidetrack her hubby." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brian Curt Walker, 51, Brevard County, Florida Man arrested after fleeing crash into stopped school bus Troopers arrested a man accused of crashing into a school bus and leaving the scene of the crash in Brevard County, according to the Florida Highway Patrol. Brian Curt Walker, 51, is facing charges of leaving the scene of a crash and driving on a suspended license. Investigators said the crash happened in the area of Barnes Boulevard and Riomar Drive around 2:55 p.m. on Friday. The bus was in front of the car and while the bus was stopped the car ran into the back of the bus, according to investigators. FHP said the man left the vehicle and ran from the scene. Students were on the bus at the time of the crash, no one was injured in the incident. Walker was transported to the Brevard County Jail. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Elaine Re: HP printer reverts to B/W Dear Webby Thanks for your help with the converter issue !! Not exactly 'computer' tech related but since I know of another user who had this same problem, thought I would ask / share since I assume there are more in the same situation. I was forced to upgrade to Windows 10 in order to use some of the updates I needed for other programs that I use. Needless to say, I was not a fan of that requirement. However . . . One of my most oft used printers is a cheap HP OfficeJet 3830 which has worked well up until the upgrade but - will no longer print in colour when the command is from my computer. Still works great for copy, faxes etc. in colour or black and white etc. I did all the normal things, turn off and on, update driver to compatible version, checked properties in advance settings both on computer and printer even, uninstalled and reinstalled printer etc., etc. First thing printed after trying several of these fixes was from Snipping Tool (one of my favourite tools BTW) and it printed in colour - but only the first time..ALL subsequent attempts were back to black and white !! Any suggestions ???? Elaine Dear Elaine I have one of those OfficeJets holding up a shelf in the garage. Got it one time because it was cheaper than toner for a good printer. When they wanted more money for ink for it than what a decent printer costs, I got a decent printer and moved the HP to the garage. It will be moved to the dump soon. In the Control Panel, Right-click on printer and choose Properties. From this properties page click on the printing preferences. Go for the Paper/Quality tab and tap on Color. Hit OK and then exit. If that does not do it, wheelbarrowing it out to the dumpster. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing. Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir. The choir director became desperate and went to the priest. "You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said. "If you don't, I'm going to resign. The choir members are going to quit too. Please do something." So the priest went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you should leave the choir." "Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked. "Well, five or six people have told me you can't sing." That's nothing," the man snorted. "Fifty people have told me that you can't preach!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ After a long, bumpy flight, our passengers were glad to finally land. They disembarked, and the other attendants and I checked for items left behind. In a seat pocket, I found a bag of home-made cookies with a note saying "Much love, Mom." Quickly, I gave the bag to our gate agent in hopes it would be reunited with its owner. In few minutes, this announcement came over the public- address system in the concourse: "Would the passenger who lost his cookies on Flight 502, please return to the gate?" ___________________________________________________ Jim and Ted play golf together every Monday. Jim always wins because Ted is a terrible putter. One Monday, Ted can't miss. He sinks every shot on the green. Jim can't believe his eyes! After the round, Jim asks, "What has happened? You can't miss today." Ted says, "Order up the beer, I have to go to the bathroom." When Ted comes back the front of his pants are all wet. Confused, Jim asks "What happened to your pants?" "I'll get to that in a minute, let tell you about my game. I went to the eye doctor last week, and he said that I need bifocals. So when I look down, I see a little ball and a big ball. I look over and see a little hole and a big hole. I put the little ball in the big hole, and I can't miss." "What about your pants?" "I looked down and saw a little one and a big one, figured the little one wasn't mine, so I put it away." ____________________________________________ In bygone days, a thin man insulted a fat man. The fat man challenged his tormentor to a duel with pistols. On the day of the duel a debate ensued about the unfair advantage held by the thin man because he was a much smaller target. Finally the thin man came up with a solution. "Let the outline of my figure be chalked upon your body," he said to his opponent, "and any shots of mine that hit outside the chalk lines, we won't count." ____________________________________________ | No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today February 9 in 1825 The U.S. House of Representatives elected John Quincy Adams president. No candidate had received a majority of electoral votes. 1861 The Provisional Congress of the Confederate States of America elected Jefferson Davis as its president. 1870 The United States Weather Bureau was authorized by Congress. The bureau is officially known as the National Weather Service (NWS). 1884 Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny executed a patent application for a chemical recording stock quotation telegraph (U.S. Pat. 314,115). 1885 The first Japanese arrived in Hawaii. 1895 Volley Ball was invented by W.G. Morgan. 1895 The first college basketball game was played as Minnesota State School of Agriculture defeated the Porkers of Hamline College, 9-3. 1900 Dwight F. Davis put up a new tennis trophy to go to the winner in matches against England. The trophy was a silver cup that weighed 36 pounds. 1909 The first forestry school was incorporated in Kent, Ohio. 1932 America entered the 2-man bobsled competition for the first time at the Olympic Winter Games held at Lake Placid, NY. 1942 The U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff held its first formal meeting to coordinate military strategy during World War II. 1942 Daylight-saving "War Time" went into effect in the U.S. 1943 During World War II, the battle of Guadalcanal ended with an American victory over Japanese forces. 1950 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that the State Department was riddled with Communists. This was the beginning of "McCarthyism." 1960 A verbal agreement was reached between representatives of the American and National Football Leagues. Both agreed not to tamper with player contracts. 1969 The Boeing 747 flew its inaugural flight. 1971 The San Fernando Valley experienced the Sylmar earthquake that registered 6.4 on the Richter Scale. 1971 The Apollo 14 spacecraft returned to Earth after mankind's third landing on the moon. 1975 The Russian Soyuz 17 returned to Earth. 1989 Kohlberg Kravis Roberts and Co. completed the $25 billion purchase of RJR Nabisco, Inc. 1997 "The Simpsons" became the longest-running prime-time animated series. "The Flintstones" held the record previously. 2001 "Hannibal," the sequel to "Silence of the Lambs," opened in theaters. 2020 Do smiled. |
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