Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, March 22 Thank you, Margaret! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ MO babykillers arrested ___________________________________________________ Today, March 22 in 1733 Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water (seltzer). ____________________________________________________ Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. --- Frank Dane ____________________________________________________ Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a super-model? A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him). ____________________________________________________ Doug meets Bill at the bar after work and is once again looking down in the dumps. "Whats wrong now Doug," asked Bill. Doug replies, "They called in a management team and gave everyone in the office an aptitude test to see what they were best suited for." "Yeah, so whats the problem with that?" Doug sighs, "Well it seems that I am best suited for retirement." ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ The man had a very red face, and a dark smear across it where he'd wiped off sweat with dirty hands. His tie was undone and his shirt collar askew, and it was clear he had also wiped his hands on his once-white shirt. Close to him stood an immaculately neat woman who was speaking in quick, agitated tones. "Hello, there," said the motorist. "Say, I've changed a lot of tires . . . maybe I can help here." "You sure can," the man with the flat tire replied wearily. "My wife is an expert, too. If you will just do all the arguing with her about how this tire ought to be changed, I can concentrate on the dirty work and get the job done." __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Matthew Beck, 40, Carly George, 38, Kansas City, Missouri, USA MO babykillers arrested A 40-year-old Kansas City man has been charged in the death of his fiances 4-month-old grandchild, prosecutors announced Thursday in a news release. Matthew Beck faces one count of second-degree murder, and the childs grandmother, 38-year-old Carly George, has been charged with hindering prosecution of a felony. No information is listed in online court records, and its not clear whether they have attorneys who can speak on their behalf. Court documents say Beck told officers that he awoke to find the infant blueish in color and not breathing last week. He said the baby had been sick and throwing up beforehand. The child was taken to a hospital, where he died the next day. He had multiple skull fractures, a brain bleed and chest trauma, according to court documents. Officers also spoke with George, who described giving CPR and said the infant had been sick lately. But the charging documents said the infants injuries were not consistent with a natural death. Court documents say another witness told police that after the child died, she overheard George tell Beck to hide. Jackson County Prosecutor Jean Peters Baker described the childs death as an awful tragedy in the news release and urged people to report abuse. Doctors informed police of the injuries the next day, when the baby was taken off life support. Doctors said the baby had suffered a forehead injury, complex skull fracture, brain bleed and chest trauma, police said. The medical examiners office has ruled the childs death a homicide. Police have not released the babys name. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Shayla Re: Income from site visits on Hunger Site Dear Webby How can the Hunger site make any money if I don't buy anything? I know, at one time ads paid per exposure, but then in 2002 that all changed to pay per purchase. How do they do it? Shayla Dear Shayla Yes, they are doing it with the old system. Apparently they found some advertisers, who just want exposure and spread their fame. Just go there for a few seconds every day and somebody will get a cup of grains. The recipients can cook or bake the grains, or they can plant them. The hungry people DO get the grains, not some politicians getting money. Have FUN! DearWebby A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the following: "We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool, too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts. My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds. Some of the people can't get past the man in the dollhouse to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck. My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day, too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ When her husband passed away, the wife put the usual death notice in the newspaper, but added that he had died of gonorrhea. Once the daily newspapers had been delivered, a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea." Replied the widow, "Yes, I know that he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit that he really was." ____________________________________________ On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?" ____________________________________________ >From Peter *Vat A Country!* Many years ago, my father was visiting America, from Europe, for the very first time. He said he wanted to go with me to the supermarket, so I invited him along. As he went up & down the aisles with me, at the local Giant Food Store, he constantly asked me questions about products he saw. "Vas diss?? Powdered orange juice??" asked my dad . I said, "Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh orange juice." A few minutes later, in a different aisle, dad blurted out, "Und vas dis?? Powdered milk?" . I said, "Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!" A few minutes later, in a different aisle, my dad yelled out, "Und give a look here!! Baby Powder!! Vat a country, vat a country!" ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ Today, March 22 in 1457 Gutenberg Bible became the first book printed with removable and reusable type letter blocks. Before then only the ornately carved decorative drop caps were reusable. 1622 Indians attacked a group of colonists in the James River area of Virginia. 347 residents were killed. 1630 The first legislation to prohibit gambling was enacted. It was in Boston, MA. 1638 Anne Hutchinsoon, a religious dissident, was expelled from the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 1719 Frederick William abolished serfdom on crown property in Prussia. 1733 Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water (seltzer). 1765 The Stamp Act was passed. It was the first direct British tax on the American colonists. It was repealed on March 17, 1766. 1794 The U.S. Congress banned U.S. from supplying slaves to other countries. 1841 Englishman Orlando Jones patented cornstarch. 1871 William Holden of North Carolina became the first governor to be removed by impeachment. 1872 Illinois became the first state to require sexual equality in employment. 1873 Slavery was abolished in Puerto Rico. 1874 The Young Men's Hebrew Association was organized in New York City. 1882 The U.S. Congress outlawed polygamy. 1894 The first playoff competition for the Stanley Cup began. Montreal played Ottawa. 1895 Auguste and Louis Lumiere showed their first movie to an invited audience in Paris. 1901 Japan proclaimed that it was determined to keep Russia from encroaching on Korea. 1902 Great Britain and Persia agreed to link Europe and India by telegraph. 1903 Niagara Falls ran out of water due to a drought. 1903 In Columbia, the region near Galera De Zamba was devastated by a volcanic eruption. 1904 The first color photograph was published in the London Daily Illustrated Mirror. 1905 Child miners in Britain received a maximum 8-hour workday. 1907 Russian troops completed the evacuation of Manchuria in the face of advancing Japanese forces. 1907 In Paris, it was reported that male cab drivers dressed as women to attract riders. 1910 In Liberia, a telegraph cable linked Tenerife and Monrovia. 1915 A German zeppelin made a night raid on Paris railway stations. 1919 The first international airline service was inaugurated on a weekly schedule between Paris and Brussels. 1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a bill legalizing the sale and possession of beer and wine containing up to 3.2% alcohol. 1935 In New York, blood tests were authorized as evidence in court cases. 1935 Persia was renamed Iran. 1941 The Grand Coulee Dam in Washington began operations. 1943 The Dutch workweek was extended to 54 hours. 1943 Obligatory work for woman ends in Belgium. 1945 The Arab League was formed with the adoption of a charter in Cairo, Egypt. 1946 The first U.S. built rocket to leave the earth's atmosphere reached a height of 50-miles. 1947 The Greek government imposed martial law in Laconia and southern Greece. 1948 The United States announced a land reform plan for Korea. 1954 The first shopping mall opened in Southfield, Michigan. 1960 A.L. Schawlow & C.H. Townes obtained a patent for the laser. It was the first patent for any laser. 1965 U.S. confirmed that its troops used chemical warfare against the Vietcong. 1974 The Viet Cong proposed a new truce with the U.S. and South Vietnam. The truce included general elections. 1977 Comedienne Lily Tomlin made her debut on Broadway in "Lily Tomlin on Stage" in New York. 1978 Karl Wallenda, of the Flying Wallendas, fell to his death while walking a cable strung between two hotels in San Juan, Puerto Rico. 1979 The National Hockey League (NHL) voted to accept 4 WHA teams, the Oilers, Jets, Nordiques & Whalers. 1981 RCA put its Selectra Vision laser disc players on the market. 1981 The first Mongolian entered space aboard the Russian Soyuz 39. 1982 The Space Shuttle Columbia was launched into orbit on mission STS-3. It was the third orbital flight for the Columbia. 1987 A barge loaded with 32,000 tons of refuse left Islip, NY, to find a place to unload. After being refused by several states and three countries space was found back in Islip. 1988 The Congress overrode U.S. President Reagan's veto of a sweeping civil rights bill. 1989 Oliver North began two days of testimony at his Iran-Contra trial in Washington, DC. 1990 A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Captain Hazelwood not guilty in the Valdez oil spill. 1991 Pamela Smart, a high school teacher, was found guilty in New Hampshire of manipulating her student-lover to kill her husband. 1992 A Fokker F-28 veered off a runway at New York's LaGuardia airport and into Flushing Bay, killing 27 people. 1993 Intel introduced the Pentium-processor (80586) 64 bits-60 MHz-100+ MIPS. 1995 Russian cosmonaut Valeri Polyakov returned to Earth after setting a record for 438 days in space. 1997 Tara Lipinski, at 14 years and 10 months, became the youngest women's world figure skating champion. 2017 In Jerusalem, the tomb of Jesus was reopened after a restoration project. 2021 Do smiled.
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