Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, March 10 ______________________________________________________ Today, March 10 in 1910 Slavery was abolished in China. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 I can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Globalism is the fashionable word for Global Communism. Don't be fooled! --- Socratex ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ >From Nancy: Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Justin Trudeau all die and wind up in hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The Devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin calls Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the Devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a cheque.. Next Donald Trump calls the U.S. and talks for 30 minutes. When he's finished the Devil informs him that the cost is 6 million dollars, so Trump writes him a cheque. Finally Trudeau has his turn and calls Canada for 4 hours. When he's finished, the Devil informs him that there would be No charge and to feel free to call Canada anytime. Putin and Trump go ballistic and ask the Devil why Trudeau got to call Canada for free. The Devil replied, " Since Justin Trudeau became Prime Minister of Canada, the country has gone to Hell, so it's a local call! _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ To pass the time while our plane was being de-iced, the flight attendants played a trivia game with the passengers. They asked us to guess the total number of years the three of them had worked for the airlines. After an attendant collected our estimates, we heard the announcement: "The correct answer is 26 years. For the two people who came closest with 28 years, we have prizes. And for the passenger in seat 12F who guessed 85 years, would you please step off the plane once we are airborne." ______________________________________________________   Have you ever seen a bear tree? _____________________________________________________ 
 If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  Thanks for your votes!
 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Billy Wethington, Louisville, Kentucky  Where's the beef? Frankfort man accused of taking $75,000 worth of beef tenderloin  A Kentucky man is accused of stealing more than $75,000 of beef tenderloin over several months. News outlets report 42-year-old Billy Wethington was arrested in Louisville on Friday and charged with theft by unlawful taking. Police say Wethington worked at an undisclosed business. During each shift, they say, he's accused of shoving eight to 10 beef tenderloins into a garbage bag and putting it in his vehicle. An arrest citation says Wethington was captured on surveillance video stealing the beef. Court records show the business lost more than $75,000 and up to $100,000 over the course of eight months. The newspaper says police didn't initially reveal what Wethington did with the beef that he's accused of stealing. It's unclear if Wethington has a lawyer who could comment.  
 From: Bill Re: Hyperlinks in Eudora  Dear DearWebby I had another computer crash, that's the fifth since installing W10 in October, 2018. After reinstalling my programs, hyperlinks in Eudora 7 do not open in Fifefox. I have two questions: 1) How can I check for hardware problems such as motherboard. 2) How can I get the hyperlinks to work. All the best. Bill  Dear Bill That is not a hardware problem. You had a 3 month grace period to revert to W7, but that is over. The hyperlinks in Eudora have worked since about 1989. No change there. Check in the Control panel, Default programs, and make sure FireFox is selected as the default program for hyper links and web pages, and not some wacky stuff like Bing or Bling or Safari or Opera or IE or Edge or the Chinesse clone of IE: Maxthon. Sure, you COULD use Chrome or any of those, but you need to install them first. I use Chrome and am quite happy with it. It is similar to FireFox but of course the settings are all shuffled around, as is common with modern programs. They don't want to get sued for copyright infringement. The program does the same stuff ever since Netscape, but the customization settings are not in the same order. You still drive the same old car, but use different gloves. Make sure Firefox, or any actually installed program is selected. Eudora does not specify which browser to use. It just yells BROWSER and Windoze then looks in the control panel and opens whichever browser is specified in there. Have Fun! DearWebby  
  Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. Or, should I say, his lack of it. One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?" 
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 TWO ELDERLY WOMEN were trying on shoes in our store. When I slipped a shoe onto one woman's foot, the end of my tie got caught beneath her heel. Unaware of my predicament, she stood up and started toward the mirror. For a few seconds, I found myself crawling along the floor beside her, trying to get her attention. "Look, Martha," her friend said. "He wants to go home with you!" ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com  It will spread out the moisture more evenly. Or, toss wrinkled clothing into a dryer with a damp towel for a few minutes before ironing. Instead of using the sprayer in your iron, use a spray bottle. A spray bottle on mist offers you much more control when applying water.  Thriftyfun.com   ____________________________________________________    ___________________________________________________ FIVE YEARS AFTER my wife, Bridgid, and I were married, we received our final wedding gift -- an ice-cream maker. In an attempt to cover procrastination with humor, the friend who sent it included a note: "I wanted to make sure the marriage would last." Bridgid wasn't amused, but she thought the present deserved a thank-you note anyway, which she dutifully sent five years later. Her note read: "I wanted to be sure the ice-cream maker would last." ___________________________________________________ A police officer was investigating an accident on a two-lane, narrow road in which the drivers had hit virtually head-on. One driver, an extremely elderly woman, kept repeating, "He wouldn't let me have my half of the road!" After gathering as much information as possible, he approached the other driver, who was examining his own damage. The police officer asked, "That old lady says that you wouldn't let her have her half of the road. Why not?" In exasperation, the man turns from his smashed car and says, "Officer, I would have been HAPPY to give her half of the road -- - if she had just let me know WHICH half she wanted!!!!" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 I was golfing with a soldier who had just returned from Afghanistan. His plans included becoming a greens keeper once he was discharged in a few months. He applied to a local college for its golf course superintendent program, but the department chair worried that he might not be up for the job. "It's stressful," he said. "You have to fight the weather, insects and demanding club members." "Will anyone be shooting at me while I mow the grass?" asked the soldier. "Of course not." "I'll take the job." ___________________________________________________  
 Today March 10 in 0241 BC The Roman fleet sank 50 Carthaginian ships in the Battle of Aegusa. Most of the Roman ships were privateers, owned by businesses. 1496 Christopher Columbus concluded his second visit to the Western Hemisphere when he left Hispaniola for Spain. 1629 England's King Charles I dissolved Parliament and did not call it back for 11 years. 1656 In the American colony of Virginia, suffrage was extended to all free men regardless of their religion. 1785 Thomas Jefferson was appointed minister to France. He succeeded Benjamin Franklin. 1792 John Stone patented the pile driver. 1804 The formal ceremonies transferring the Louisiana Purchase from France to the U.S. took place in St. Louis. 1806 The Dutch in Cape Town, South Africa surrendered to the British. 1814 In France, Napoleon Bonaparte was defeated by a combined Allied Army at the battle of Laon. 1848 The U.S. Senate ratified the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, which ended the war with Mexico. 1849 Abraham Lincoln applied for a patent for a device to lift vessels over shoals by means of inflated cylinders. 1864 Ulysses S. Grant became commander of the Union armies in the U.S. Civil War. 1876 Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful call with the telephone. He spoke the words "Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you." 1880 The Salvation Army arrived in the U.S. from England. 1893 New Mexico State University canceled its first graduation ceremony because the only graduate was robbed and killed the night before. 1894 New York Gov. Roswell P. Flower signed the nation's first dog-licensing law. 1902 The Boers of South Africa scored their last victory over the British, when they captured British General Methuen and 200 men. 1902 Tochangri, Turkey, was entirely wiped out by an earthquake. 1902 U.S. Attorney General Philander Knox announced that a suit was being brought against Morgan and Harriman's Northern Securities Company. The suit was enforcement of the Sherman Antitrust Act. Northern Securities loss in court was upheld by the U.S. Supreme Court on March 14, 1904. 1903 Harry C. Gammeter patented the multigraph duplicating machine. 1903 In New York's harbor, the disease-stricken ship Karmania was quarantined with six dead from cholera. 1906 In France, 1,200 miners were buried in an explosion at Courrieres. 1909 Britain extracted territorial concessions from Siam and Malaya. 1910 Slavery was abolished in China. 1912 China became a republic after the overthrow of the Manchu Ch'ing Dynasty. 1924 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a New York state law forbidding late-night work for women. 1927 Prussia lifted its Nazi ban allowing Adolf Hitler to speak in public. 1933 Nevada became the first U.S. state to regulate drugs. 1941 The Brooklyn Dodgers announced that their players would begin wearing batting helmets during the 1941 season. 1941 Vichy France threatened to use its navy unless Britain allowed food to reach France. 1944 The Irish refused to oust all Axis envoys and denied the accusation of spying on Allied troops. 1945 American B-29 bombers attacked Tokyo, Japan, 100,000 were killed. 1947 The Big Four met in Moscow to discuss the future of Germany. 1947 Poland and Czechoslovakia signed a 20-year mutual aid pact. 1949 Nazi wartime broadcaster Mildred E. Gillars, also known as "Axis Sally," was convicted in Washington, DC. Gillars was convicted of treason and served 12 years in prison. 1953 North Korean gunners at Wonsan fired upon the USS Missouri. The ship responded by firing 998 rounds at the enemy position. They almost hit them! 1956 Julie Andrews at the age of 23 made her TV debut in "High Tor" with Bing Crosby and Nancy Olson. 1966 The North Vietnamese captured a Green Beret camp at Ashau Valley. 1966 France withdrew from NATO's military command to protest U.S. dominance of the alliance and asked NATO to move its headquarters from Paris. 1969 James Earl Ray pled guilty in Memphis, TN, to the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. Ray later repudiated the guilty plea and maintained his innocence until his death in April of 1998. 1971 The U.S. Senate approved an amendment to lower the voting age to 18. 1975 The North Vietnamese Army attacked the South Vietnamese town of Ban Me Thout. 1980 Iran's leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, lent his support to the militants holding American hostages in Tehran. 1982 The U.S. banned Libyan oil imports due to their continued support of terrorism. 1986 The Wrigley Company, of Chicago, raised the price of its seven-stick pack of Wrigley's chewing gum from a quarter to 30 cents. 1987 The Vatican condemned surrogate parenting as well as test- tube and artificial insemination. 1990 Haitian President Prosper Avril was ousted 18 months after seizing power in a coup. 1991 "Phase Echo" began. It was the operation to withdraw 540,000 U.S. troops from the Persian Gulf region. 1994 White House officials began testifying before a federal grand jury about the Whitewater controversy. 1995 U.S. Secretary of State Warren Christopher told Yasser Arafat that he must do more to curb Palestinian terrorists. 1998 U.S. troops in the Persian Gulf began receiving the first vaccinations against anthrax. 2002 The Associated Press reported that the Pentagon informed the U.S. Congress in January that it was making contingency plans for the possible use of nuclear weapons against countries that threaten the U.S. with weapons of mass destruction, including Iraq and North Korea. 2003 North Korea test-fired a short-range missile. The event was one of several in a pattern of unusual military maneuvers. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog