Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, December 30 Today's Bonehead Award:  ______________________________________________________ Today, December 30 in 1922 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) was formed. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. --- Fran Lebowitz (1950 - ) - More quotations on: [Children] If you look good and dress well, you don't need a purpose in life. --- Robert Pante Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. --- Thomas Jones We are none of us infallible--not even the youngest of us. --- W. H. Thompson ______________________________________________________ While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, the elderly woman left her glasses on the table, but she didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. The elderly man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. He called his wife every bad name he could think of. When they finally arrived at the restaurant, and the woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the man yelled to her, "And while you're in there, you might as well get my hat, too." ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Thanks to jrc for this story: Subject: How journalists see things A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl. The biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the biker, says - "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life." "It was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and SOMEBODY had to save her." "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know", the reporter said, "and tomorrow's papers will have this on the first page. What motorcycle do you drive?" "A Harley Davidson." The journalist leaves. The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on first page: BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH. _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Thanks To Sandie For This Story: Two Buddies Are Fishing, But They Haven't Caught Anything All Day. Then Another Fisherman Walks By With A Huge Load Of Fish. They Ask Him, "Excuse Me, But Where Did You Get All Those Fish?" The Other Fisherman Replies," If You Just Go Down The Stream Until The Water Isn't Salty, There Are A Ton Of Hungry Fish." They Thank Him And Go On Their Way. Fifteen Minutes Later, One Fisherman Says To The Other, "Fill The Bucket Up With Water And See If The Water Is Salty." He Dips The Bucket In The Stream And Drinks Some. "Nope. Still Salty." Thirty Minutes Later, He Asks Him To Check Again. "Nope, Still Salty." One Hour Later, They Check Again. "Nope. Still Salty." "This Isn't Good," The Fisherman Finally Says. "We Have Been Walking For Almost Two Hours And The Water Is Still Salty!" "I Know," Says The Other. "And The Bucket Is Almost Empty!" ______________________________________________________   How many people? _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Perez Johnson, 29, Aloha, Oregon  Amazon delivery driver is caught with GPS stealing packages from home he delivered to  Amazon delivery driver was arrested after stealing a bait package from a porch The bait package was tagged with a GPS device so sheriff's could track it Once Amazon delivery driver Perez Johnson, 29, was caught he admitted to delivering packages to the same home before The package was also tagged with an alarm that alerted deputies the package was snatched off the property Deputies found 18 other Amazon packages inside his personal vehicle They confiscated them and personally delivered them to the right receivers An Amazon delivery driver has been arrested after he took the bait and stole packages fitted with GPS devices. Perez Johnson was taken into custody after he snagged the tagged boxes from an unattended from a home in Aloha, Oregon - a property he had already delivered to. The incident happened in the area of Aloha around 6.40pm Sunday. The Washington County Sheriff's office also tagged the package with an alarm that alerted deputies as soon as it was snatched off the porch. While some thieves follow behind delivery trucks, the 29-year-old Amazon delivery driver, Johnson, admitted to taking the bait package after leaving a legitimate delivery at the same address, according to Oregon Live. When deputies tracked the GPS'd bait package they found it in Johnson's black Nissan Altima. They also found 18 other Amazon packages that never made it to their destination. The sheriff's deputies took the packages and 'personally delivered the remaining packages that had been found inside the suspect's vehicle to their addresses to avoid any delay in receipt.' Johnson was arrested and booked into the Washington County Jail on charges of second-degree theft. This is the fourth year the sheriff's office has implemented the theft protection program that uses GPS tracking to find packages stolen from people's porches. The Washington County Sheriff's office says it has doubled its bait packages to be left on doorsteps as the program has become more successful.  
 From: Frank Re: IE no longer enforced by Microsoft  Dear Webby, First, I wish you a Happy and Healthy New Year. I've checked your toolbox 3 times, my eyesight is not what it was many years ago. I cannot seem to locate the IE blocking link. Peace Frank  Dear Frank I took it down because it does not work anymore. Now you simply get Chrome or FireFox or Opera or Bing, or whatever browser you want to use, transfer your bookmarks or import them to the new browser, then UNinstall IE from the Control panel. It won't try to sneak back in. Even Microsoft has given up on IE and came out with BING. Bing works, and according to some people, is not as socialist tinted as Chrome. For now, anyway, it is not hurting your machine. Have FUN! DearWebby  
  Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 Thanks to Irene for this story: Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married." "Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!" 
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 A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Watch Shipping Charges With Online Auctions You can find good deals at online auctions but one trick that some sellers play is they offer a low bid price for the product, but have a really high shipping price. Never bid on an item until you have calculated the cost of your bid and the shipping charge. Thriftyfun.com You got a month and a hyalf to plan and practise! ____________________________________________________   
 
 
4000 year old desert cemetery in China. 
 ___________________________________________________ A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer said he had buried them. The sheriff then asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?" The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie." ___________________________________________________ After driving all night, a man arrived in a small town where he decided to stop in the local park and catch some sleep. Just as he dozed off, there was a knock on the window. Outside the car, was a jogger. "Excuse me, can you give me the time?" the jogger inquired. "Groggily, the man replied, "It's 6:27." The man closed his eyes and just as he dozed off there was another knock on the window. There stood another jogger who said, "I'm sorry to disturb you. Do you have the time?", Struggling to keep up his spirits he replied, "It's 6:34." The man rolled up the window but realizing that this could go on indefinitely, he took paper and pen and created a sign which read: "I DO NOT KNOW THE TIME." He stuck the sign in the window, closed his eyes, and was barely asleep when there came yet another tap on the window. The man looked and sure enough, there was another jogger. He disgustedly rolled down the window and said, "Yeah, what is it?" The jogger replied, "It's 6:42." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 >From Marina I was waiting tables at a country club when an elegantly dressed woman spilled Manhattan clam chowder all over her white linen skirt. She began furiously dabbing at it with a napkin. Having plenty of experience with getting out feed stains, I asked, "Can I bring you some club soda?" "Young lady," she barked, "I'll be the judge of when I've had enough to drink. Bring me another martini!" ___________________________________________________  
 Today December 30 in 1460 At the Battle of Wakefield, in England's Wars of the Roses, the Duke of York was defeated and killed by the Lancastrians. 1853 The United States bought about 45,000 square miles of land from Mexico in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase. 1879 Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates of Penzance" was first performed, at Paignton, Devon, England. 1880 The Transvaal was declared a republic. Paul Kruger became its first president. 1887 A petition to Queen Victoria with over one million names of women appealing for public houses to be closed on Sundays was handed to the home secretary. 1903 About 600 people died when fire broke out at the Iroquois Theater in Chicago, IL. 1919 Lincoln's Inn, in London, admitted the first female bar student. 1922 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) was formed. 1924 Edwin Hubble announced the existence of other galactic systems. 1927 The first subway in the Orient was dedicated in Tokyo, Japan. 1935 Italian bombers destroyed a Sweedish Red Cross unit in Ethiopia. 1936 The United Auto Workers union staged its first sit-down strike at the Fisher Body Plant in Flint, MI. 1940 California's first freeway was officially opened. It was the Arroyo Seco Parkway connecting Los Angeles and Pasadena. 1942 "Mr. and Mrs. North" debuted on NBC radio. 1944 King George II of Greece proclaimed a regency to rule his country, virtually renouncing the throne. 1947 King Michael of Romania abdicated in favor of a Communist Republic. He claimed he was forced from his throne. 1948 "Kiss Me Kate" opened at the New Century Theatre in New York City. Cole Porter composed the music for the classic play that ran for 1,077 performances. 1953 The first color TV sets went on sale for about $1,175. 1954 James Arness made his dramatic TV debut in "The Chase". The "Gunsmoke" series didn't begin for Arness until the fall of 1955. 1961 Jack Nicklaus lost his first attempt at pro golf to Gary Player in an exhibition match in Miami, FL. 1972 The United States halted its heavy bombing of North Vietnam. 1976 The Smothers Brothers, Tom and Dick, played their last show at the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas and retired as a team from show business. Both continued as solo artists and they reunited several years later. 1980 "The Wonderful World of Disney" was cancelled by NBC after more than 25 years on the TV. It was the longest-running series in prime-time television history. 1993 Israel and the Vatican established diplomatic relations. 1996 A passenger train was bombed by Bodo separatists in India's eastern state of Assam. At least 26 people were killed and dozens were seriously injured. 1996 About 250,000 striking workers shut down vital services across Israel in protests against budget cuts proposed by Prime Minister Netanyahu. 1997 More than 400 people were massacred in four villages in the single worst incident during Algeria's insurgency. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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