Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, March 28 Easter Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Men use spaghetti sauce to try to start fire after burglary Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, March 28 in 2010 - china's zhejiang geely holding group co. Signed a deal to buy ford motor co.'S volvo car unit. See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ There is nothing as stupid as an educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A man was riding on a crowded bus, standing room only. The bus stopped and an elderly lady got on carrying a large picnic basket. She stood right in front of the man and grabbed the overhead rail so the picnic basket was above the man's head. Being a gentleman, he offered his seat to her. She quickly declined as she was only going a short distance. Soon the picnic basket began to leak. The man felt something drop on top of his head. As he looked up it hit beside his nose and ran down across his lips. He tasted it, looked up at the lady and asked, "Pickles?" She replied, "No, no, puppies....." ______________________________________________________ The parish priest very furtively calls the mother superior into his office. This is how their conversation went: "Sister, I want to show you something." "What is it, Father? "Come into my private room & close the blinds." "WHAT?!" "I said....." "I heard what you said - I just can't believe you're saying it!" "Well, I really need you to come in." Curious, the nun does as she is told. "Here, sit on the bed beside me." "I have to get out of here." "Aren't you the least bit curious?" Well, the nun was so she sat down beside him. "Get under the covers." "WHAT?????!!!!!" The nun was really freaking out. "It doesn't work otherwise!" After much coaxing, the nun does get under the covers with him. He whispers: "Come closer." Nervously, she does get closer. "See," the priest whispers gleefully, "my new watch does glow in the dark!!!" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   How the sun changed during the current 22 year cycle Click through for the big picture. _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Bernice for this story: My daughter called me at work to say I was to phone Ian at my bank. The operator asked me what Ian's last name was and I explained that he hadn't left his surname. When she asked for his department, I said I didn't know. "There are 1500 employees in this building, ma'am," she advised me rather curtly. After a few more brusque comments, I asked her for her name. "Danielle," she said. "And your last name?" I asked. "Sorry," she replied, "we don't give out last names." "Fine!", I told her. "Tell Ian that if he doesn't call me in ten minutes I will blow his a** off." and slammed the phone. He called in two minutes. ----------------------- Yeah, when a woman says "Fine!", men know there is going to be trouble. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Derrick Irving, 36, John Silva, 28, Deland, Florida  Men use spaghetti sauce to try to start fire after burglary  Two men are accused of breaking into the home of a man they both dated, stealing several items, then leaving spaghetti sauce boiling on the stove with a washcloth placed near the burner in an attempt to start a fire, according to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office. The victim called 911 about 7 a.m. Tuesday because the security cameras in his home on Evergreen Terrace in DeLand detected motion and he believed someone was breaking in because a towel had been placed over one of the cameras, the report said. Deputies went to the residence and saw a red Lincoln Navigator attempting to leave the area. A stop was conducted and the driver, 28-year-old John Silva, and passenger, Derrick Irving, told the deputy that they had just picked up some clothes from the victim's home, according to the affidavit. The victim told News 6 that Irving was wearing a bull costume. The deputy said she could see a marijuana grinder in the center console and a vacuum, window A/C unit, flat-screen television and heater in the back seat. An empty jar of Ragu spaghetti sauce was also on the passenger's seat, the report said. Deputies said both men initially denied burglarizing the victim's home, instead saying that Irving told Silva he lived at the home and needed a ride there to retrieve some clothes and other items. The home reeked of smoke when deputies entered it, according to the report. A pot of spaghetti sauce was found burning on the stove with a white washcloth placed near the burner that had just begun to catch fire, according to the affidavit. "He was trying to make it look like I left the stove on but who gets up 2 a.m. and fixes sketti," the victim said. The deputy extinguished the flames then continued searching the home. Evidence at the scene revealed that Silva and Irving broke into the home, covered the security cameras, stole the items, then put the spaghetti sauce on the stove in an attempt to start a fire so the evidence would be destroyed, according to authorities. Silva and Irving told deputies that they both had romantic or sexual encounters with the victim in the past. "It started out as a relationship, that lasted about a week," the victim said. "I've let him use my car for four months, maybe he's angry about that. Or maybe he's angry because I gave him $150 to fix his teeth." Both men were charged with unarmed burglary, grand theft and arson. Silva is being held on $25,500 bond and Irving is being held without bond because officials say he violated his probation.   Tech Support Pits From: Georgina Re: Lighting  Dear Webby I realize that flash ruins pictures, so what's your secret for indoor pictures? Thanks Georgina  Dear Georgina You can use a flash, if it is a detachable or remote slave flash, held about as far away as you can reach. If you don't have a slave flash, get one of those rectangular Quartz work lights, that look like an outdoor security light but have a big alligator clip instead of a pipe mount, and can be clipped to a stepladder or shelf. They cost about $12 and provide a very nice and warm light. Again, the best location for the light is an arms length to the side of you and an arms length higher than the camera. You might have seen clip-art or drawings of potographers in the mid 1800s, where they held up a metal dust pan loaded with magnesium for a bright flash. Keep that in mind when placing your light. Have FUN! DearWebby    Asked by his teacher to spell "straight," the third-grade boy did so without error. "Excellent," said the teacher, "now, what does it mean?" "Without water." 
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 Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl asked, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out & wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a grinning little old lady who was standing beside her. "Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled. 
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 Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plant Cuttings for Gifts I often give plants that I have started from cuttings as gifts. To brighten these up I use a water pic from the florist with one or 2 blossoms from my yard to add a bit of color. I stick the pic into the soil, and make a bow that matches in color or compliments the flowers or the pot and voila! By Linda  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  A prospective juror was being questioned by the District Attorney for a murder trial that had been in all the papers. "If the defendant were to be convicted tomorrow, could you kill him for his crime ?" "Well, no." replied the man. "But I could do it on Saturday if that would be OK."  
Ceramics and Pottery Masters. I've always wanted to try this. 
 ___________________________________________________ The manager of a large office noticed one of his department heads had hired a new man, so the boss called him into his office for a little orientation speech. "What is your name?" he asked. "John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last names only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. John Darling." "Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..." __________ :D I remember "Shiny Shoes Robertson". ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, March 28 in 1774 Britain passed the Coercive Act against Massachusetts. 1797 Nathaniel Briggs patented a washing machine. 1834 The U.S. Senate voted to censure President Jackson for the removal of federal deposits from the Bank of the United States. 1854 The Crimean War began with Britain and France declaring war on Russia. 1864 A group of Copperheads attack Federal soldiers in Charleston, IL. Five were killed and twenty were wounded. 1865 Outdoor advertising legislation was enacted in New York. The law banned "painting on stones, rocks and trees." 1885 The Salvation Army was officially organized in the U.S. 1898 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a child born in the U.S. to Chinese immigrants was a U.S. citizen. This meant that they could not be deported under the Chinese Exclusion Act. 1905 The U.S. took full control over Dominican revenues. 1910 The first seaplane took off from water at Martinques, France. The pilot was Henri Fabre. 1922 Bradley A. Fiske patented a microfilm reading device. 1930 Constantinople and Angora changed their names to Istanbul and Ankara respectively. 1933 In Germany, the Nazis ordered a ban on all Jews in businesses, professions and schools. 1938 In Italy, psychiatrists demonstrated the use of electric- shock therapy for treatment of certain mental illnesses. 1939 The Spanish Civil War ended as Madrid fell to Francisco Franco. 1941 The Italian fleet was defeated by the British at the Battle of Matapan. 1942 British naval forces raided the Nazi occupied French port of St. Nazaire. 1945 Germany launched the last of the V-2 rockets against England. 1947 The American Helicopter Society revealed a flying device that could be strapped to a person's body. 1962 The U.S. Air Force announced research into the use of lasers to intercept missiles and satellites. 1968 The U.S. lost its first F-111 aircraft in Vietnam when it vanished while on a combat mission. North Vietnam claimed that they had shot it down. 1974 A streaker ran onto the set of "The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson." 1979 A major accident occurred at Pennsylvania's Three Mile Island nuclear power plant. A nuclear power reactor overheated and suffered a partial meltdown. 1981 In Bangkok, Thailand, Indonesian terrorists hijacked an airplane. Four of the five terrorists were killed on March 31. 1986 The U.S. Senate passed $100 million aid package for the Nicaraguan contras. 1986 More than 6,000 radio stations of all format varieties played "We are the World" simultaneously at 10:15 a.m. EST. 1990 In Britain, a joint Anglo-U.S. "sting" operation ended with the seizure of 40 capacitors, which can be used in the trigger mechanism of a nuclear weapon. 1991 The U.S. embassy in Moscow was severely damaged by fire. 1994 Violence between Zulus and African National Congress supporters took the lives of 18 in Johannesburg. 1999 Paraguay's President Ral Cubas Grau resigned after protests inspired by the assassination of Vice-President Luis Mara Argaa on March 23. The nation's Congress had accused Cubas and his political associate, Gen. Lino Csar Oviedo, for Cubas' murder. Senate President Luis Gonz lez Macchi took office as Paraguay's new chief executive. 2010 China's Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. signed a deal to buy Ford Motor Co.'s Volvo car unit. 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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