Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, April 12 Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100 You can use it for anything you want. Offer expires on 4/22/2018 The colonoscopy went OK. Just the usual, boring waiting for them to get ready. The results were OK, as I had expected. A $40 parking ticket waiting for me afterwards was not expected. Alberta Health is getting too sleazy! Answer to the dirt in the hole puzzle: There is no dirt in the hole. Three people figured it out correctly. Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida woman blames cocaine in purse on windy day Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, April 11 in 1911 Pierre Prier completed the first non-stop London-Paris flight in three hours and 56 minutes. See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up. --- Tom Lehrer (1928 - ) The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. --- Rita Mae Brown _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Major power disruption in Los Angeles  Los Angeles Major power disruptions throughout the city of Los Angeles due to massive theft of power cables. According to the L.A. Fire Department, tens of thousands of people were trapped on escalators and at pedestrian crossings. White and black Americans view the power disaster in starkly different ways, with more blacks viewing race as a factor in problems with the federal response, according to a CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll. More blacks than whites said they were angry about the government's slow response to the problem, and the blatant discrimination against blacks, non-smokers and the poor. According to polls conducted by CNN and AOL, President Trump is the target of their ire. CNN expects the inevitable looting caused by the Trump administrations failure to deal with the power disaster to start by mid afternoon, and has booked extra advertising for the evening broadcasts. _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ a href="http://webby.com/humor/i/HiggsBoson-L.jpg">  Higgs Boson will end the universe Friday afternoon in 10 quinquadragintillion years (one with 139 zeros after it) _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ A young army doctor was stationed at a remote dispensary in the South Pacific. One day he was puzzled about treatment for one of his patients. He radioed a base hospital: 'Have case of beriberi. What shall I do?' A prankster got hold of the message. This was the reply: 'Give it to the Marines. They'll drink anything.' ---------- (Beriberi is Vitamin A deficiency) _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Kennecia Posey, 26, Fort Pierce, Florida  Florida woman blames cocaine in purse on windy day  A Florida woman who was arrested last month on drug possession charges blamed the cocaine found in her purse on the wind. Kennecia Posey, 26, was one of two passengers in a car that was swerving in the roadway when it was stopped by Fort Pierce police March 21. Airline worker busted with 9 pounds of cocaine taped to legs According to the police report, an officer approached the car and smelled an odor of marijuana coming from inside. During a search of the car, the officer found cocaine and marijuana in separate bags inside a purse that Posey had on her lap. When questioned about the drugs, Posey admitted that the marijuana was hers, police said. The cocaine was a different story. "I don't know anything about any cocaine," Posey said, according to the report. "It's a windy day. It must have flown through the window and into my purse." Posey was booked into the county jail on one felony count of cocaine possession and a misdemeanor count of marijuana possession. She was later released on bond.   Tech Support Pits From: . Re: .  No Question  No answer Have FUN DearWebby    Sometimes... when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain, no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried, no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just ONE TIME...! 
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 Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was having trouble reading the newspaper. "Now that you're over 40," the doctor told him, "you've developed a condition called 'presbyopia,' in which the lens of your eye can no longer focus as well as it used to." Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. "Con- gratulations!" he said. "You're now officially a presbyope!" Doug leaned over and asked seriously, "If that means I'm no longer a Roman Catholic, do I still have to go to Confession?" 
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 Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, if you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clutter Control: Online Banking Consider using online banking to cut down on the amount of paperwork you have to organize. Also, most credit card companies allow you to pay bills online and you can have them send you electronic statements by email. It is often more convenient to print out statements and registers when you need them than to find them among a pile of old mail.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"  
See the 'Jupiter Triangle' in April's Night Sky. If the videos don't work, use an updated browser like Edge or Chrome. Movies show you how to find and identify planets and stars. 
 ___________________________________________________ A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago." Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, April 12 in 1096 Peter the Hermit gathered his army in Cologne. 1204 The Fourth Crusade sacked Constantinople. 1606 England adopted the original Union Jack as its flag. 1782 The British navy won its only naval engagement against the colonists in the American Revolution at the Battle of Saints, off Dominica. 1799 Phineas Pratt patented the comb cutting machine. 1811 The first colonists arrived at Cape Disappointment, Washington. 1833 Charles Gaylor patented the fireproof safe. 1861 Fort Sumter was shelled by Confederacy, starting America's Civil War. 1864 Confederate Gen. Nathan Bedford Forrest captured Fort Pillow, in Tennessee and slaughters the black Union troops there. 1877 A catcher's mask was used in a baseball game for the first time by James Alexander Tyng. 1892 Voters in Lockport, New York, became the first in the U.S. to use voting machines. 1905 The Hippodrome opened in New York City. 1911 Pierre Prier completed the first non-stop London-Paris flight in three hours and 56 minutes. 1916 American cavalrymen and Mexican bandit troops clashed at Parrel, Mexico. 1927 The British Cabinet came out in favor of women voting rights. 1938 The first U.S. law requiring a medical test for a marriage license was enacted in New York. 1944 The U.S. Twentieth Air Force was activated to begin the strategic bombing of Japan. 1945 In New York, the organization of the first eye bank, the Eye Bank for Sight Restoration, was announced. 1955 The University of Michigan Polio Vaccine Evaluation Center announced that the polio vaccine of Dr. Jonas Salk was "safe, effective and potent." 1961 Soviet Yuri Alexeyevich Gagarin became first man to orbit the Earth. 1963 Police used dogs and cattle prods on civil rights demonstrators in Birmingham, AL. 1981 The space shuttle Columbia blasted off from Cape Canaveral, FL, on its first test flight. 1982 The British Navy began enforcing a blockade around the Falkland Islands. 1982 Three CBS employees were shot to death in a New York City parking lot. 1983 Harold Washington was elected the first black mayor of Chicago. 1984 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Challenger made the first satellite repair in orbit by returning the Solar Max satellite to work. 1984 Israeli troops stormed a bus that had been hijacked the previous evening by four Arab terrorists. All the passengers were rescued and 2 of the hijackers were killed. 1985 U.S. Senator Jake Garn of Utah became the first senator to fly in space as the shuttle Discovery lifted off from Cape Canaveral, FL. 1985 In Spain, an explosion in a restaurant near a U.S. base killed 17 people. 1985 Federal inspectors declared that four animals of the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus were not unicorns. They were goats with horns that had been surgically implanted. 1987 Texaco filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy after it failed to settle a legal dispute with Pennzoil Co. 1988 Harvard University won a patent for a genetically altered mouse. It was the first patent for a life form. 1988 The Chinese government named a new array of younger leaders to ensure economic reform. 1989 In the U.S.S.R, ration cards were issued for the first time since World War II. The ration was prompted by a sugar shortage. 1992 Disneyland Paris opened in Marne-La-Vallee, France. 1993 NATO began enforcing a no-fly zone over Bosnia and Herzegovina. 2000 More than 1,500 anti-drug agents raided four cities in Colombia and arrested 46 members of the "most powerful" heroin ring. 2000 Robert Cleaves, 71, was convicted of second degree murder and was sentenced to 16 years in prison. Cleaves had repeatedly run over Arnold Guerreiro on September 30, 1998 with his car after the two had an argument. 2000 Israel's High Court ordered the release of eight Lebanese detainees that had been held for years without a trial. 2002 It was announced that the South African version of "Sesame Street" would be introducing a character that was HIV-positive. 2002 JCPenney Chairman Allen Questrom rang the opening bell to start the business day at the New York Stock Exchange as part of the company's centennial celebrations. James Cash (J.C.) Penney opened his first retail store on April 14, 1902. 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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