Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, January 10 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Suspect calls for help after fleeing Polk County deputy who shot him during struggle ____________________________________________________ Today, January 10, in 2002 In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all women could get the morning-after contraception pill for free in pharmacies. ____________________________________________________ Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. --- Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961) Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) ____________________________________________________ Three kids are talking about their fathers and comparing them. First kid says: "My dad is the fastest. Hes a drag racer and can do a quarter mile in 9.6 seconds." Second kid says: "Thats nothing! My dad is a fighter pilot and regularly breaks the speed of sound." Third kid says: "My dad is faster than both your dads! Hes a congressman. He finishes work at 4 oclock but is always home by lunchtime." ____________________________________________________   ____________________________________________________ Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry- cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, "Just think, Fred, we are fifteen dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand." "Good," my dad quickly replied. "Wash it five more times and we can pay your phone bill!" ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Michael Jeremy Hatfield mugshot from previous arrest 47, Bradenton, Florida, USA  Suspect calls for help after fleeing Polk County deputy who shot him during struggle  A suspected thief had to call for help after fleeing a Polk County deputy who shot him during a struggle. The Polk County Sheriff's Office said the suspect was spotted Friday in Mulberry, hauling a piece of equipment and trailer that was reported stolen the day before in Lakeland. Lt. Laura Rhodes, a 20-year veteran of the sheriff's office, pulled over the Ford F350 Super Duty truck towing a trailer with a CAT loader, driven by 47-year-old Michael Jeremy Hatfield, who moved from California to Bradenton. Lt. Rhodes tried to arrest him, but Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said Hatfield did not want to go quietly. He tried to overpower Rhodes while hitting the gas on the truck. "She got caught up in the door with him trying to fight her off and escape. The early information we have is, she fired one time, striking him in the hip," Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said. Rhodes reached for her weapon and shot Hatfield in the hip. It would have been easier to shoot him in the head and end his criminal carreer, but she just shot him in the hip. He tried to take off but didn't get far. When he got to NW 3rd Street and Phosphate Boulevard, just a few blocks away, he realized he was in trouble, and needed medical help. Hatfield was taken for surgery first and is expected to survive. The sheriff said there was a knife and what appears to be a rifle in the truck. Lt. Rhodes is being checked out for a sprained wrist but otherwise seems to be OK. The sheriff's office said Hatfield has a lengthy criminal history including drug and theft charges and at least one felony.  ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  From: Helen Re: Kazahstan Dear Webby What is the situation in Kazahstan? I have some friends there. They are all teachers too, and definitely not part of the California style looting and burning, but I can't get hold of them and am getting very worried. What is going on there? Helen  Dear Helen Their Internet is severely restricted to just a few hours a day, at different times for different towns. That is to make it more difficult for the looters and arsonists to organize. They got help from Russia with some system like the United Nations and European comunity helping out to stop the war in the former Yugoslavia. Kazahstan is not about to split into different countries. It is more like the unrest in California. The previous president is like Obama. He can't let go fo the power and still likes calling the shots. Kazahstan was the last country to leave the old Soviet Union and he completely screwed up the transition, much worse than Russia did. Even though the country hs unbelievably rich resources, (oil, gas, uranium, etc), all of that is held by the friends and relatives of the former president. What complicates things is that 72% of the population are Muslims, and curretly there are about 20,000 Muslim foreigners in Kazahstan swelling the ranks of the rioters. The local Government calls the rioters Terrorists, and hopes to shoot enough of them by Jan 20 to restore peace. Until then, expect your friends to be limited to a few hours of Internet per day, at different times. If you miss their slot, you have to wait for the next day. Sites are restricted too. I tried to send a link for Farley Mowat's "Never Cry Wolf" to a teacher there. It is totally non-political and just about protecting wolves, but they kept blocking links until I finally found one, that was allowed. "Never cry Wolf" is a amous Classic from the 60s, I think, by a biologist who found out that he had to discard and abandon his clothes before the wolves let him join their pack and live with them. I HIGHLY recommend that book! Have FUN! DearWebby 
 At a family get together, a young boy of about 6 years of age asks his father, "What does fornication mean?" The dad is freaked out by the question and demands to know, "Where did you hear a word like that?" "From Uncle Charlie," responds the son. Dad charges off to confront his brother. Charlie doesn't have a clue what the problem is and explains that all he said was, "For-an-occasion like this I don't mind driving all the way up the valley." 
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 _____________________________________________  An old man and his wife lived deep in the hills and seldom saw many people. One day a peddler came by to sell his goods and asked the man if he or his wife wanted to buy anything. The man said, "Well, my wife ain't home. She's gone down to the creek to wash clothes, but lemme see what you got." The peddler showed him pots and pans, tools and gadgets, but the old man wasn't interested. Then the man spotted a mirror and said, "What's that?" Before the peddler could tell him it was a mirror, the old man picked it up and said, "My God, how'd you get a picture of my Pappy?" The old man was so happy, he traded his wife's best pitcher for it. The peddler left before the wife came back and spoiled his sale. The old man was worried that his wife would be mad at him for trading her best pitcher, so he hid the mirror in the barn behind some boxes of junk. He would go out to the barn 2 or 3 times a day to look at the "picture" and eventually the wife got suspicious. One day she got fed up and after he retired for the night, she went out to the barn. She saw the mirror behind the boxes, picked it up and said, "So, this is the hussy he's been foolin' around with!" ______________________________________________ The census taker knocked on Donna's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked. "Certainly," he replied "Well, I'm the same age as they are," she snapped. "As old as the Hills," he intoned as he wrote on his form. ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A fifth grader looked down, so her teacher asked, "What's the problem, Carol? I hope it's not homework again." "Well, uh, yes it is," replied Carol. "I made my homework paper into a paper airplane." "Carol, that wasn't a very bright thing to do," said the teacher, "but this once, I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in." "Oh, but that won't work," said Carol, looking even sadder. "You see, Johnny hijacked the plane, and handed it in as HIS homework!" ___________________________________________________  
 Today, January 10, in 1776 "Common Sense" by Thomas Paine was published. 1840 The penny post, whereby mail was delivered at a standard charge rather than paid for by the recipient, began in Britain. 1861 Florida seceded from the United States. 1863 Prime Minister Gladstone opened the first section of the London Underground Railway system, from Paddington to Farringdon Street. 1870 John D. Rockefeller incorporated Standard Oil. 1901 Oil was discovered at the Spindletop oil field near Beaumont, TX. 1911 Major Jimmie Erickson took the first photograph from an airplane while flying over San Diego, CA. 1920 The League of Nations ratified the Treaty of Versailles, officially ending World War I with Germany. 1927 Fritz Lang's film "Metropolis" was first shown, in Berlin. 1928 The Soviet Union ordered the exile of Leon Trotsky. 1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt sailed from Miami, FL, to Trinidad thus becoming the first American President to visit a foreign country during wartime. 1946 The first meeting of the United Nations General Assembly took place with 51 nations represented. 1951 Donald Howard Rogers piloted the first passenger jet on a trip from Chicago to New York City. 1978 The Soviet Union launched two cosmonauts aboard a Soyuz capsule for a redezvous with the Salyut VI space laboratory. 1981 In El Salvador, Marxist insurgents launched a "final offensive". 1984 The United States and the Vatican established full diplomatic relations for the first time in more than a century. 1990 Chinese Premier Li Peng ended martial law in Beijing after seven months. He said that crushing pro-democracy protests had saved China from "the abyss of misery." 1990 Time Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. completed a $14 billion merger. The new company, Time Warner, was the world's largest entertainment company. 1994 In Manassas, VA, Lorena Bobbitt went on trial. She had been charged with maliciously wounding her husband John. She was acquitted by reason of temporary insanity. 1997 Shelby Lynne Barrackman was strangled to death by her grand-father when she licked the icing off of cupcakes. He was convicted of the crime on September 15, 1998. 2000 It was announced that Time-Warner had agreed to buy America On-line (AOL). It was the largest-ever corporate merger priced at $162 billion. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) approved the deal on December 14, 2000. 2001 American Airlines agreed to acquire most of Trans World Airlines (TWA) assets for about $500 million. The deal brought an end to the financially troubled TWA. 2002 In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all women could get the morning-after contraception pill for free in pharmacies. 2003 North Korea announced that it was withdrawing from the global nuclear arms control treaty and that it had no plans to develop nuclear weapons. 2007 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.3 million feature length films sold and 50 million television episodes sold. 2019 In Venezuela, Juan Guaid and the National Assembly declared incumbent President Nicol�s Maduro "illegitimate" and started the process of attempting to remove him from office. 2020 The green Ford Mustang from the 1968 Steve McQueen thriller "Bullitt" was sold for $3.4 million at the Mecum Auctions event in Kissimmee, FL. 2021 Do smiled. 

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