Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, October 2 We had a terrorist act in Edmonton near the hockey arena. The cops got the asshole and put him into protective custody before the hockey game was over. He would have been road paint and impossible to interrogate. While the cops chased him further away from the arena, he flipped his rented U-Haul. The cops kicked in the windshield and drug him out by his family jewels. Not sure yet if it was a K9 officer, a male or a female human officer who drug him out. Sure made a huge hole in the windshield! Apparently, after that, he did not resist getting hauled to the slammer. Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Naked, dirty baby found in crane incident was born addicted  Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Oct 2 in 1492 King Henry VII of England invaded France. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ In the United States there is more space where nobody is than where anybody is. That is what makes America what it is. --- Gertrude Stein (1874 - 1946) People want economy and they will pay any price to get it. --- Lee Iacocca (1924 - ) Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen. --- P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - ) The gods too are fond of a joke. --- Aristotle I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. --- Isaac Asimov (Asimov was the first Science Fiction writer to use a Word Processor. That was in the days when dedicated word processor machines were the ancestors of personal computers.) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Glen for this story: A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the fire station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck" he said with admiration. "Thanks" the little girl said. The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner", the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope to the cat's collar too, I think you could go faster." The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren" _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Billie for this story: A few years ago I went to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed that enough Germans would speak English so that I could at least get around. But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I just nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested. When he had gone, an American woman soldier in the compartment leaned forward and asked if I spoke German. "No," I confessed. "Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train, going in the wrong direction." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me." ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Larry Lee Wolting, Jr., Victoria Swift, 25, Muskegon, Michigan  Naked, dirty baby found in crane incident was born addicted  Before he first used a forklift to wreak havoc inside an abandoned factory and then commandeered a large construction crane, a father high on meth left his naked, screaming baby in mud and dirt. That's according to a petition seeking removal of the 2- month-old baby girl from Larry Lee Wolting Jr., who faces multiple felony charges following the bizarre incident in Muskegon on Monday. The baby also had amphetamines in her system, the petition states. Wolting told authorities that "he forgot he had (the baby) with him," according to the petition Child Protective Services filed Sept. 26 in Muskegon County Circuit Court. An emergency removal was approved by the judge. The petition details the eight-week-old baby girl's sad start to life. She was born with a serious addiction to methadone and amphetamines to a mother who had shot up heroin during her pregnancy and had lost her rights to four previous children. The mother, Victoria Swift, 25, is on probation for a June 29 larceny conviction, according to the Michigan Department of Corrections web site. Wolting, a sex offender, has multiple felony convictions and, according to the petition, was extremely high on meth and hospitalized after Monday morning's incident. The baby also tested positive for amphetamines and was taken to DeVos Children's Hospital in Grand Rapids for treatment, according to Muskegon County Chief Assistant Prosecutor Timothy Maat. "Dr. Buchanan (at Mercy Health's Hackley Campus) reported that his readings were so high that Larry needed to stay in the hospital to be aggressively treated as meth causes the breakdown of muscles and kidneys," the CPS petition states. Wolting was released from the hospital and arraigned Thursday in Muskegon County District Court on multiple charges. They include second degree child abuse causing serious physical or mental harm, breaking and entering a building with intent to destroy its contents, malicious destruction of property more than $1,000 but less than $20,000, and operating while intoxicated by crystal meth, Maat said. Police were called to the area of Roberts Street and Barney Avenue at 6:55 a.m. Sept. 25. There, they found Wolting sitting in the cab of a large Erickson's construction crane that he had taken from the former Esco plant and driven to a UPS facility across the street, Maat said. He had used the crane to drive over a fence and across Roberts Street, taking down a power line and hitting a light post, according to court records. It was an employee working at the chemical plant that found the baby, Maat said. "(The infant) was found lying face down underneath a chair in the (Esco) factory," the CPS petition states. "The floor was described as extremely dirty and full of mud from an open water valve. (The baby) was completely naked and covered in dirt. (She) was found crying profusely with scrapes on her knees and had a slightly bleeding toe. "Larry stated that he forgot he had (the baby) with him." It was discovered that before he commandeered the crane outside of Esco, Wolting had been inside the plant where he allegedly used a forklift to cause "lots of damage" to the contents, Maat said. Wolting apparently had been involved in the care of the baby, though he had "released" his parental rights to a then 12-year-old girl in 2014. In 2002, he had pleaded guilty to attempted third degree criminal sexual conduct with a person between the ages of 13 and 15, and is listed on Michigan's Sex Offender Registry. CPS reported it had "explored substance abuse counseling, Early On and assisted with household needs for Larry Wolting." It also had "explored" placing the baby with relatives. The baby was born July 26, 2017, and the petition states that since July 29, Swift, the infant's mother, never returned to the hospital to visit her drug-addicted baby. When she was 22 weeks pregnant, Swift had sought medical treatment for pain due to an abscess on her left arm, the petition states. She admitted to intravenous heroin use, the petition says. After that and while still pregnant, Swift tested positive on multiple occasions for various drugs, including marijuana, and amphetamines. She admitted following the child's birth she had been taking Adderall, a type of amphetamine, that had not been prescribed to her and receiving methadone treatment, the petition states. The baby tested positive for amphetamines and methadone when she was born, and because of her "high" neonatal withdrawal level was placed on morphine, the petition states. "The withdrawal symptoms (the baby) was experiencing included tremors, shaking, tightness and vomiting after eating," according to the petition.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Marylin Re: Hypno-drivel Dear Webby, you once told me that if something is advertised with an hour of hypno-drivel, then it is most likely a useless or way overpriced scam. Does that also apply to Ben Via Gold Chia? It certainly is advertised with godawfylly long hypno- drivel, but it does sound like there may be some benefits to it. What is your opinion? Marylin  Dear Marylin It's total BS. Sure, chia seeds are prety good for you, especially the Mexican ones. Ben Via uses the much cheaper Bolivian seeds, that probably don't have the metals and minerals that the Mexican ones have, and instead of selling them in bags or bulk, they sell them in ridiculously expensive pill bottles. Chia seeds are definitely NOT a miracle for losing weight. They are just a nutritious seed with some good minerals and antioxidants and Omega3 fats in them. Like Buckwheat. If you can handle nuts, go ahead and try them. You can get them at the Bulk Barn, Amazon, and even Costco. Costco has bags of QUIA Superfood, which is a mix of Chia, Hemp seed, and some other reasonably healthy seeds. Some joggers claim that QUIA is essential for their performance, just like their $275 running shoes. There may be something to it, but so far it has not been clinically proven. I have tried a bit of QUIA once. It tastes OK, kind of nutty, and would probably go fine on oatmeal or with a zesty yoghurt, or even sprinkled onto a salad, but I sure would never pay the ridiculous prices listed for Ben Via Gold, which is just Bolivian chia and nothing else. Have FUN! DearWebby    
 While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide. "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard." When we were out of earshot of the freshmen, my friend asked our guide: "So what's the answer?" The guide replied: "One." 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Simple Buttercream Recipe This simple buttercream recipe is perfect for icing your cakes and decorating them. Note: This recipe makes a stiff consistency buttercream icing. For decorating, you will need to thin it down so that it is soft enough to go through your decorating tips. Instructions for thinning it down are below. Ingredients: 1 cup solid white vegetable shortening or butter 1 tsp. clear vanilla flavor 2 Tbsp. water or milk, room temperature 1 lb. confectioners' sugar (approx. 4 cups) 1 Tbsp. meringue powder (Wilton sells this) pinch of salt (optional) Directions: Cream shortening, vanilla, and water together in a mixer. Combine meringue powder, salt, and confectioners' sugar in a large bowl. With mixer at medium speed, begin adding confectioners' sugar mixture, 1 cup at a time. Once sugar is thoroughly mixed in, add another cup until all ingredients are combined. Blend approximately 1 more minute until creamy. Yields: 3 cups Icing Consistency: Stiff Consistency: flowers with upright petals, such as roses Medium Consistency: Add 1 tsp. water per cup of stiff icing. icing dam for layered cakes stars flowers with petals that lay flat piping figures, such as faces or animals basketweaves borders (shells, etc.) Thin Consistency: Add 2 tsp. water per cup of stiff icing. icing your cakes writing vines leaves Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com   ____________________________________________________  
  
 
If Y-E-S spells "yes" what does E-Y-E-S spell? 
 ____________________________________________________  This was a story told to us by our chemistry professor at school. A female student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water. Her professor observed what she was about to do, out of the corner of his eye and hurried towards her, and after confirming this was indeed what she was intending to do, asked her first to stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium. She was puzzled and ran after him to ask the purpose of this action. 'It will give me time to get far enough away' said the professor. __________________________________________________  
 
 These 18 dead people have been so well preserved they will scare you silly! 
 ___________________________________________________ A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks. "That's a lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean business," the city slicker replied. A week later the yuppie was back again. "I need another 100 chicks," he said. "Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming," the man told him. "Yeah," the yuppie replied. "If I can iron out a few problems." "Problems?" asked the proprietor. "Yeah," replied the yuppie, "I think I planted that last batch too close together." 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours. When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone to McDonalds to warm up and refill." ____________________________________________________ >From Chuck I'm glad you are back, I missed you while you were gone. Thanks for the smiles in the morning, a nice way to start the day. Chuck  
 Today, October 2, in 1492 King Henry VII of England invaded France. 1780 British army major John Andre was hanged as a spy. He was carrying information about the actions of Benedict Arnold. 1835 The first battle of the Texas Revolution took place near the Guadalupe River when American settlers defeated a Mexican cavalry unit. 1836 Charles Darwin returned to England after 5 years of acquiring knowledge around the world about fauna, flora, wildlife and geology. He used the information to develop his "theory of evolution" which he unveiled in his 1859 book entitled The Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection. 1870 Rome was made the capital of Italy. 1876 The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas opened. It was the state's first venture into public higher education. The school was formally dedicated 2 days later by Texas Gov. Richard Coke. 1920 The Cincinnati Reds and the Pittsburgh Pirates played the only triple-header in baseball history. The Reds won 2 of the 3 games. 1924 The Geneva Protocol adopted the League of Nations. 1925 Scottish inventor John Logie Baird completed the first transmission of moving images. 1937 Warner Bros. released "Love Is on the Air." Ronald Reagan made his acting debut in the motion picture. He was 26 years old. 1941 Operation Typhoon was launched by Nazi Germany. The plan was an all-out offensive against Moscow. 1944 The Nazis crushed the Warsaw Uprising. 1947 The Federatino Internationale de l'Automobile (FIA) formally established Formula One racing in Grand Prix competition. 1948 The first automobile race to use asphalt, cement and dirt roads took place in Watkins Glen in New York. It was the first road race in the U.S. following World War II. 1950 "Peanuts," the comic strip created by Charles M. Schulz, was published for the first time in seven newspapers. 1958 Guinea, the French colony in West Africa, proclaimed its independence. Sekou Toure was the first president of the Republic of Guinea. 1962 U.S. ports were closed to nations that allowed their ships to carry arms to Cuba, ships that had docked in a socialist country were prohibited from docking in the United States during that voyage, and the transport of U.S. goods was banned on ships owned by companies that traded with Cuba. 1967 Thurgood Marshall was sworn in. He was the first African-American member of the U.S. Supreme Court. 1988 Pakistan's Supreme Court ordered free elections. 1989 In Leipzig, East Germany, a protest took place demanding the legalization of opposition groups and the adoption of democratic reforms. 1990 The Allies ceded their rights to areas they occupied in Germany. 1993 Opponents of Russian President Boris Yeltsin fought police and set up burning barricades. 1998 Hawaii sued petroleum companies, claiming state drivers were overcharged by about $73 million a year in price- fixing. 1998 About 10,000 Turkish soldiers crossed into northern Iraq and attacked Kurdish rebels. 2001 NATO, for the first time, invoked a treaty clause that stated that an attack on one member is an attack on all members. The act was in response to the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks in the United States. 2017 Do smiled.
 
 
 

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