Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, January 13 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Woman arrested for hit-and-run crash of Phoenix motorcycle officer ____________________________________________________ Today, January 12, in 1942 Henry Ford patented the plastic automobile referred to as the "Soybean Car." The car was 30% lighter than the average car. The Steelworkers and the media did not like it. ____________________________________________________ Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question. --- Albert Camus (1913 - 1960) ____________________________________________________ I have run this Oldie-Goldie every year. It keeps coming back, so it must be good. Thanks to the folks from Erie for sending it back to me this time: A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the check-out, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear,"PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?" ____________________________________________________   ____________________________________________________ Jay and Nancy live in Chicago. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Nancy goes out and moves their car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Nancy goes out and moves their car again. The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park...", then the electric power goes out. Nancy says, "Honey, I don't know what to do." Jay says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?" ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Elizabeth Eaton, 52, Phoenix, Arizona, USA  Woman arrested for hit-and-run crash of Phoenix motorcycle officer  Motorcycle officer suffers serious leg injury after being hit by driver Police have arrested a woman in connection to a hit-and-run on Monday in Phoenix that left a motorcycle officer with serious injuries. The crash happened at about 12:30 a.m. near 26th Avenue and Bethany Home Road, the police department. "A Phoenix Police motorcycle officer was traveling east on Bethany Home Road when a dark colored minivan turned left in front of him on 26th Avenue, colliding with him," said Sgt. Ann Justus. After the crash, the driver did not stop and left the scene. The officer suffered a broken leg and ankle that required immediate surgery. The officer has been identified as 16-year veteran, Adam O'connor, assigned to the traffic bureau. On Dec. 28, police announced 52-year-old Elizabeth Eaton was arrested in connection to the crash after officers found her vehicle, a 2016 Dodge Journey, parked in her backyard near 19th Avenue and Camelback Road. "The vehicle had damage matching the collision and other damage seen in the video surveillance footage," police said in a statement. She was booked into jail and is accused of leaving the scene of a serious injury collision. Prosecutors argued that Eaton is a flight risk and asked that bond be set at $250,000, however, the judge set it at $100,000. The officer suffered a serious leg injury that required immediate surgery. Chilo Chacon owns a restaurant called The Lunch Box, and his cameras caught the incident. "It was a pretty big impact," Chacon said. "I hope he does well and recovers fast." He couldn't believe what happened, saying, "I just couldnt believe my eyes. It happened right in front of my business. She just cut him off." Chacon adds, "Thats something you dont do. You stop and help, that is a must." He says an ambulance arrived on the scene about a minute after the crash and that the officer was alert and talking.  ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  From: Julie Re: Costco Dear Webby You have occasionally mentioned COSTCO quite favorably. Are they really any good, or just advertising a lot? How much does it cost to join? (I am a Diabetic with heart and lung trouble) Julie  Dear Julie Membership costs $50 per year. You make that back the first time you get a quarter year's worth of meds. They also always have a gas station with 12 or 16 pumps. The pumps have extra long hoses, so that you don't have to be fussy about which lane you select. Because their fuel is cheaper, there is usually a line-up at their pumps. When you see the price, you won't mind. To get their fuel or stuff from inside the store, you need the membership card. However, if you forget your card, they make you a temporary card quite cheerfully. The quality of their merchandise is good. Quite often their stuff is an off-brand trial. For example, before Tide was selling the Tide Pods under the Tide name, they sold them under the Costco name for about a year. They used the Tide colors and did not fool me. I knew that it was Tide with different packaging, so I did not hesitate to try it. I am still using it, even though they changed the name to Tide. Like that, they take a bit of getting used to, but in case you make a mistake, they have an excellent money back guarantee and always make sure you are aware that the customer is always right. Have FUN! DearWebby 
 The anesthesiologist at the outpatient surgery center often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax. One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained. When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, "So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?" "Well," she replied, "I'm still cooking it." 
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 _____________________________________________  While shopping for vacation clothes, a husband and wife passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since she had even considered buying a bathing suit, so she sought her husband's advice. "What do you think?" she asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one." ______________________________________________ The passenger sat in the backseat, clutching the door handle and wondering if she could expect to survive the trip. The cabdriver sped through the crowded streets of Toronto, weaving in and out of traffic. The passenger watched as one pedestrian after another ran to avoid being run down by her lunatic driver. She looked ahead and saw a truck double-parked on the narrow street,but not only did the taxi driver fail to slow down, he actually accelerated as he approached the truck. He slipped his cab through the available space with an inch or two to spare on either side. "Driver!" the passenger screamed,"Are you trying to get us both killed?" "Relax,lady," he said, "just do what I do. Close your eyes." ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter, "Hoover!" under his breath. On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard. "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time. On the third hole, a miracle occurred and Fr.Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!" He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER!" By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer and asked the priest, "Why do you say 'Hoover'?" Father Murphy replied, "It's the biggest dam I know." ___________________________________________________  
 Today, January 13, in 1128 Pope Honorius II granted a papal sanction to the military order known as the Knights Templar. He declared it to be an army of God. 1794 U.S. President Washington approved a measure adding two stars and two stripes to the American flag, following the admission of Vermont and Kentucky to the union. 1854 Anthony Faas of Philadelphia, PA, was granted the first U.S. patent for the accordion. He made improvements to the keyboard and enhanced the sound. 1898 Emile Zola's "J'accuse" was published in Paris. 1900 In Austria-Hungary, Emperor Franz Joseph decreed that German would be the language of the imperial army to combat Czech nationalism. 1906 Hugh Gernsback, of the Electro Importing Company, advertised radio receivers for sale for the price of just $7.50 in "Scientific American" magazine. 1928 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson gave the first public demonstration of television. 1942 Henry Ford patented the plastic automobile referred to as the "Soybean Car." The car was 30% lighter than the average car. The Steelworkers and the media did not like it. 1966 Robert C. Weaver became the first black Cabinet member when he was appointed Secretary of Housing and Urban Development by U.S. President Johnson. 1984 Wayne Gretzky extended his NHL consecutive scoring streak to 45 games. 1992 Japan apologized for forcing tens of thousands of Korean women to serve as sex slaves for Japanese soldiers during World War II. 1998 NBC agreed to pay almost $13 million for each episode of the TV show E.R. It was the highest amount ever paid for a TV show. 1998 ABC and ESPN negotiated to keep "Monday Night Football" for $1.15 billion a season. 1998 One of the 110 missing episodes of the British TV show "Doctor Who" was found in New Zealand. 2002 Japan and Singapore signed a free trade pact that would remove tariffs on almost all goods traded between the two countries. 2002 U.S. President George W. Bush fainted after choking on a pretzel. 2009 Ethiopian military forces began pulling out of Somalia, where they had tried to maintain order for nearly two years. 2021 Do smiled. 

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