Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, June 10 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Man Shot Dead After Seen Trying To Drown Babies In Tub and menacing their mother with a knife  Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 10 in 1776 The Continental Congress appointed a committee to write a Declaration of Independence. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ "Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye nd see his equal." -- Winston Churchill ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking about a specific condition, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" Do, in the back of the room, raised a hand and said, "A basketball coach?" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ For months Bill had been Lynn's devoted admirer. At long last he had collected sufficient courage to ask her the momentous question. "There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," Bill began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being, a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one's absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one's joys and sorrows." To his delight, Bill saw a sympathetic gleam in Lynn's eyes. Then she nodded in agreement, "I think it's a wonderful idea! Can I help you pick out a puppy?" ______________________________________________________   Greenland, Aurora and Milky Way _____________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Leland Foster, 27, Ada, Oklahoma  Man Shot Dead After Seen Trying To Drown Babies In Tub and menacing their mother with a knife  An Oklahoma man was shot dead by a neighbor while trying to drown his 3-month-old twins in a bathtub on Friday, authorities said. A 12-year-old girl, who was able to escape the home in Ada, alerted the neighbor to the horrific scene inside, prompting him to enter with a handgun, News 9 reported. The neighbor told police he saw 27-year-old Leland Foster holding the babies under water while threatening their mother with a knife. The neighbor, identified as Cash Freeman, responded by shooting Foster twice in his back, killing him. The infants were taken to a hospital and released on Saturday, KXII reported. It's awful because I've held the babies and, like, I've played with them and I just gave them clothes yesterday, neighbor Summer Pierce told KFOR News. Freeman, speaking to KFOR off camera, said he was only trying to save the babies and expressed concern that he may be in trouble. The district attorney's office will ultimately determine whether charges are warranted. Foster had a history of violence, criminal records show. In 2011 he was charged with arson and domestic violence by strangulation in the first degree after being accused of choking his ex-girlfriend and setting her clothes on fire inside an apartment.  ______________________________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Roberta Re: Is E-Bay safe? Dear Webby, I am fairly new to the Internet and have some questions about buying stuff from e-bay. Have you ever bought anything from there? How safe is it? Roberta  Dear Roberta Yes, I have bought many things via ebay, from software to electronics. I have always been happy with my purchases. It's quite safe to buy stuff via ebay. They are a huge company and can't afford to let any crooks giving them a bad name. If somebody tries something crooked, they jump on them with both feet. Here are some tricks to make your shopping there easier: 1) Get a PayPal account and an ebay account. 2) If you want a certain item, check with pricegrabber.com to see how much it is in the stores. 3) Decide how much you are willing to budget for that item. 4) Put that amount into your Automatic Maximum Bid, but leave the automatic bidding turned off. 5) Bid a small amount to get into the action. 6) Watch the bidding but just quietly observe until a few minutes before closing of that item. Then turn the automatic bidding on. It will top all other bids with the incremental amount that you have chosen, but stay within your set maximum amount. As long as you do #2 and #4, you won't get carried away with auction fever and spend too much. Always pay for what you won immediately. Most sellers will reciprocate and ship just as promptly. Have FUN! DearWebby    >From Frank: When my wife had to rush to the hospital unexpectedly, she asked me to bring her a few items from home. One item on her list was "comfortable underwear." Worried I'd make the wrong choice, I asked, "How will I know which ones to pick?" "Hold them up and imagine them on me," she answered. "If you smile, put them back." 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Growing Sunflowers in Containers  By EllenB [846 Posts, 1 Comment] Sunflowers do great in containers. In fact, container gardening has gotten so popular in the past few years that there are now literally dozens of varieties of sunflowers available that have been developed specifically for growing in containers (e.g. 'Big Smile', 'Italian White', 'Music Box', 'Elite Sun', etc.). Almost any variety can be grown successfully in containers, as long as you meet its growing conditions and provide it with a big enough pot. The really tall or mammoth varieties will likely need staking to remain upright in pots. Plant seeds in full sun, using a light potting soil or soil- less mix. Plant the seeds to a depth of 1 inch (6 inches apart) and expect to see them germinate quickly. Days to maturity will vary according to each variety. Seedlings of regular varieties will need to be thinned to 12 to 18 inches and given plenty of room to grow and spread out. Dwarf varieties can be packed in a little more closely together, but still need to be spaced at least 4 to 5 inches apart. Sunflower roots are quite large and like to spread out. Mammoth varieties grow best in half barrels or containers that are at least 6 to 18 inches deep and 12 inches wide. Smaller containers will keep plants from reaching their full growth potential. Sunflowers grown in containers need to be watered daily and even more frequently during really hot weather. Feed them a 1/2 strength water-soluble fertilizer every other week or so to support big blooms, and mulch around the tops of the containers to help conserve moisture.  ____________________________________________________ 
  
spelunking in the Ozarks 
 ____________________________________________________  Dr. Willis finished examining Matilda and went into the hallway to talk to her husband Bernie. "I don't want to alarm you," he said to Bernie, "but I don't like the way your wife looks at all." "Me neither, Doc." replied Bernie. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids." ___________________________________________________  
 
Incredible art work out of sand. Click on his web site to see more of his work.
 Thanks to Dave for this one: While working in the psychology department at Glen Oaks Community College in Centreville, MI, I was asked to enlarge a chart for a meeting. I called the copy room and asked, "Can I get something blown up down there?" After a pause the voice on the line replied, "I think you want the chemistry lab." 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Betty for the seasonal favorite Chili Contest: *Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better! For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time the Rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome. The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the event: Chili # 1 (Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili) Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy. Chili # 2 (Arthur's Afterburner Chili) Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. Chili # 3 (Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili) Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans. Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers. Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer! Chili # 4 (Bubba's Black Magic) Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb bitch is starting to look HOT... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac? Chili # 5 (Linda's Legal Lip Remover) Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks. Chili # 6 (Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety) Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. Judge #3-- I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone. Chili # 7 (Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili) Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. Chili # 8 (Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili) Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili. 
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 Today, on June 10, in 1776 The Continental Congress appointed a committee to write a Declaration of Independence. 1793 The Jardin des Plantes zoo opened in Paris. It was the first public zoo. 1801 The North African State of Tripoli declared war on the U.S. The dispute was over merchant vessels being able to travel safely through the Mediterranean. The Marines settled that in short order. 1854 The U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, MD, held its first graduation. 1898 U.S. Marines landed in Cuba during the Spanish-American War. 1902 The "outlook" or "see-through" envelope was patented by Americus F. Callahan. 1903 Binney & Smith Company began developing a product line of wax crayons. The product was named Crayola. 1909 The SOS distress signal was used for the first time. The Cunard liner SS Slavonia used the signal when it wrecked off the Azores. 1916 Mecca, under control of the Turks, fell to the Arabs during the Great Arab Revolt. 1920 The Republican convention in Chicago endorsed woman suffrage. 1924 The Republican National Convention was broadcast by NBC radio. It was the first political convention to be on radio. 1925 The state of Tennessee adopted a new biology text book that denied the theory of evolution. 1933 Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow were in a car accident on a rural road in north Texas. The third-degree burns suffered by Parker resulted in a pronounced limp for the rest of her life. 1935 Alcoholic Anonymous was founded by William G. Wilson and Dr. Robert Smith. 1940 Italy declared war on France and Britain. In addition, Canada declared war on Italy. 1943 Laszlo Biro patented his ballpoint pen. Biro was a Hungarian journalist. 1943 The Allies began bombing Germany around the clock. 1944 The youngest pitcher in major league baseball pitched his first game. Joe Nuxhall was 15 years old (and 10 months and 11 days). 1946 Italy established a republic replacing its monarchy. 1948 Chuck Yeager exceeded the speed of sound in the Bell XS- 1. 1954 General Motors announced the gas turbine bus had been produced successfully. 1967 Israel and Syria agreed to a cease-fire that ended the Six-Day War. 1970 A fifteen-man group of special forces troops began training for Operation Kingpin. The operation was a POW rescue mission in North Vietnam. 1971 The U.S. ended a 21-year trade embargo of China. 1984 The U.S. Army successfully tested an antiballistic missile. 1984 The United States and the Vatican established full diplomatic relations for the first time in 117 years. 1985 Frank Sinatra was portrayed as a friend of organized crime in a "Doonesbury" comic strip. Over 800 newspapers carried the panel. 1985 The Israeli army pulled out of Lebanon after 1,099 days of occupation. 1990 The Civic Forum movement won Czechoslovakia's first free elections since 1946. The movement was founded by President Vaclav Havel. 1990 Bulgaria's former Communist Party won the country's first free elections in more than four decades. 1993 It was announced by scientists that genetic material was extracted from an insect that lived when dinosaurs roamed the Earth. 1994 U.S. President Clinton intensified sanctions against Haiti's military leaders. U.S. commercial air travel was suspended along with most financial transactions between Haiti and the U.S. 1996 Britain and Ireland opened Northern Ireland peace talks. The IRA's political arm Sinn Fein was excluded. 1998 The Wisconsin Supreme Court ruled that poor children in Milwaukee could attend religious schools at taxpayer expense. 1999 NATO suspended air strikes in Yugoslavia after Slobodan Milosevic agreed to withdraw his forces from Kosovo. 2017 Do smiled.

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