Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, May 8 Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Oklahoma teacher arrested with Heroin, meth, 40 syringes in her purse Details at  Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 8 in 1794 Antoine Lavoisier was executed by guillotine. He was the French chemist, who discovered oxygen and helped set up the Metric system. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand-lettered "For Sale" sign out front. After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets and pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there" would help. Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing. "Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says, "HORSE for sale. But I s'pose someone who don't read so good, prolly can't afford a horse ?" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Kelly (name changed to protect the guilty), deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. This is the actual conversation of the telephone call. Kelly: "Hi, I'm calling to report that Kelly so-and-so is unable to make it to school today because she is ill. Secretary at high school: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling?" Kelly: "This is my mother." Secretary: "Tell your mother that you flunked 'lying', and that you will have to pick up garbage around the school until you fill two bags. AFTER school. You better get your lazy butt to school RIGHT NOW, or else I am calling the cops and report you as truant!" ______________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Megan Sloan, 27, Sapulpa, Oklahoma  Oklahoma teacher arrested with Heroin, meth, 40 syringes in her purse  A second-grade teacher in Oklahoma was arrested on drug and embezzlement charges on Monday when police found dozens of needles, heroin, meth and Suboxone in her purse, according to an affidavit. Court records show another teacher reported Megan Sloan, 27, to Holmes Park Elementary administrators after Sloan left her Facebook account open on another teachers computer. The teacher had reportedly read a message in which Sloan detailed how she pawned school items and sold heroin. Once those details came to light, school administrators contacted authorities who came to the school to question Sloan. They say she confessed to using the drugs before they even searched her purse and found heroin. She says her kids have never had access to her purse, Sapulpa Police Lieutenant Philip Diehl told local affiliate KWTV. This particular morning the purse was left in the classroom, because as soon as she arrived at work she was called down to the office, and so she set her purse down and left. Diehl said they found multiple, maybe 40 syringes, some empty, inside her purse. Police say she is also suspected of using students field trip money and selling school-issued iPads to pay for drugs.  ______________________________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Jerome Re: Is ink refilling illegal and does it void warranty? Dear Webby Is ink refillilling illegal and does it really void the warranty? Jerome  Dear Jerome No it is not illegal, and it does not void any warrantly. Using a refill kit as instructed or using either a remanufactured or compatible ink cartridge does not void a warranty according to federal law: (section 2302(c) of the Magnuson-Moss Warranty Act). If you see any claims to the contrary, and it does not show "except where prohibited by law", then they can't mess with your warranty. In the US it is prohibited by law to mess with your warranty, just because you used equivalent or better ink. Don't let them scare you. If you see any illegal threats regarding your warranty, just ignore them. Have FUN! DearWebby    The teacher was asking the kids where they were going to go for their summer vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked him. "We're going to visit my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania," he replied. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said. "Can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know, come to think of it, since I am probably going to flunk this class, most likely I'll be going to Balconia, or maybe the wood shed." 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Kill Aphids By Donna Lusk [5 Posts, 3 Comments] February 24, 2012 1 found this helpful Best Answer get a large spray bottle big enough to hold the followig ingredients: 1 cup vegetable oil or white mineral oil 2 cups water 2 teaspoons bleach free dish soap Add all ingredients to spray bottle and shake well before each use because the oil separates from the soap mixture once it sits for a bit. When spraying your plants, bushes etc... be sure you spray under the leaves and on any new growth as that is where the aphids love to hide and eat. This works excellent for us and I hope it will do the same for you. Be sure not to add more soap than required as it can kill your plants. Donna L. Watauga, TX   

clarinet from carrot

>From Rollie: While my wife and I were shopping at a mall kiosk, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. Naturally my eyes followed her. Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, "Was it worth the trouble you're in now?" ___________________________________________________

I love the "Over the shoulder look."

>From Mary F My son from California who was visiting this weekend tells me that there were a couple of terrorists who had made it into the US and were having coffee in San Francisco when one of them started conversing in Arabic. The other cautioned him and then reminded him, "We are in the California now. Speak in Spanish."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood and are celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary. They walk down the street to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the old desk they'd shared and where he had carved "I love you, Sally." On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car practically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, but they don't know what to do with it so they take it home. There, she counts the money, and it's fifty thousand dollars. The husband says, "We've got to give it back." She says, "Finders keepers." And she puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic. The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their home. They say, "Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" She says, "No." The husband says, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic." She says, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile." But the agents sit the man down and begin to question him. One says, "Tell us the story from the beginning." The old man says, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . . " The FBI guy looks at his partner and says, "Let's get out of here."

 Today, on May 8 1096 Peter the Hermit and his army reached Hungary. They passed through without incident. 1450 Jack Cade's Rebellion-Kentishmen revolted against King Henry VI. 1541 Hernando de Soto reached the Mississippi River. He called it Rio de Espiritu Santo. 1794 Antoine Lavoisier was executed by guillotine. He was the French chemist that discovered oxygen and helped set up the Metric system. 1794 The United States Post Office was established. 1846 The first major battle of the Mexican War was fought. The battle occurred in Palo Alto, TX. 1847 The rubber tire was patented by Robert W. Thompson. 1879 George Selden applied for the first automobile patent. 1886 Pharmacist Dr. John Styth Pemberton invented what would later be called "Coca-Cola." 1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangier to protect the Belgian legation. 1914 The U.S. Congress passed a Joint Resolution that designated the second Sunday in May as Mother's Day. 1919 The first transatlantic flight took-off by a navy seaplane. 1921 Sweden abolished capital punishment. 1933 Gandhi began a hunger strike to protest British oppression in India. 1943 The Germans suppressed a revolt by Polish Jews and destroyed the Warsaw Ghetto. 1945 U.S. President Harry Truman announced that World War II had ended in Europe. 1956 Alfred E. Neuman appeared on the cover of "Mad Magazine" for the first time. 1958 U.S. President Eisenhower ordered the National Guard out of Little Rock as Ernest Green became the first black to graduate from an Arkansas public school. 1960 Diplomatic relations between Cuba and the Soviet Union resumed. 1970 Construction workers broke up an anti-war protest on New York City's Wall Street. 1973 Militant American Indians who had held the South Dakota hamlet of Wounded Knee for 10 weeks surrendered. 1984 The Soviet Union announced that they would not participate in the 1984 Summer Olympics Games in Los Angeles. 1985 "New Coke" was released to the public on the 99th anniversary of Coca-Cola. it was a dud. 1986 Reporters were told that 84,000 people had been evacuated from areas near the Chernobyl nuclear plant in Ukraine. 1998 A pipe burst leaving a million residents without water in Malaysia's capital area. This added to four days of shortages that 2 million already faced. 1999 The first female cadet graduated from The Citadel military college. 2017 Do smiled.

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