Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, November 18 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Nov 17's space launch The Soyuz MS-03 spacecraft launches from the Baikonur Cosmodrome with Expedition 50 crewmembers NASA astronaut Peggy Whitson, Russian cosmonaut Oleg Novitskiy of Roscosmos, and ESA astronaut Thomas Pesquet from the Baikonur Cosmodrome in Kazakhstan on Nov. 17 at 3:20 p.m. EST (2020 GMT). Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Floriduh man attacks girlfriend with taser, toilet plunger, pepper spray and sword in front of her kids Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, November 17 in 1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr. and Alan L. Bean landed on the lunar surface during the second manned mission to the moon. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune. --- Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ FACT: Statistics show that teen age prenancy drops off significantly after age 25. OPINION: If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, then it's good enough for me. ______________________________________________________ Actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. 4. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. 5. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. 6. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. 7. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. 8. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. 9. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. 10. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. ("wont">to have the habit of doing something) 11. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. 12. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. 13. "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night. 14. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. 15. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 16. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. 17. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. 18. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword. 19. She lumbered into my office like a centipede with 98 broken legs. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Craig Samuel Coe, 32, Fort Myers, Floriduh Floriduh man attacks girlfriend with taser, toilet plunger, pepper spray and sword in front of her kids A Southwest Florida woman claims her boyfriend pepper sprayed her, tased her and attacked her with a sword and a toilet plunger in front of her kids. Craig Samuel Coe, 32, is facing several charges including aggravated battery, illegal possession of a weapon, kidnapping and child neglect. Fort Myers police responded to a domestic dispute early Friday morning at the Waterford Apartments. Police say Coe viciously attacked his girlfriend Jasmine Meyer during a jealousy fueled rage. According to the police report, Coe's verbal assault turned physical when he pepper sprayed Meyer, then punched her in the face. That's when Meyer grabbed her two young kids and tried to leave. Coe stopped Meyer by hitting her with a sword sheath and sword. Meyer's daughter also got hit. She was bleeding when officers arrived. The fighting left Meyer with "deep cuts, a bloody nose, bruises, and knots on her forehead." Meyer eventually escaped to a neighbor's apartment, where she called police. Officers later found an assault rife and a bag of ammunition in the apartment. Neighbors telling Four In Your Corner that the two often argued. Coe has previous convictions for grand theft, burglary and drug possession. Meyer did not wish to comment on the incident Wednesday. She did tell Fox4 that she has hired an attorney. The Department of Children and Families may also be getting involved. Very nice hots ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits >From Denise Re: Is Scanguard a scam? Dear Webby, What are your thoughts on this: Is this Scanguard a scam? Denise Dear Denise Spammers are scammers. Dump it. Windows Defender, which is usually considered the lowest and least effective guard, is better than that stuff. Don't waste your time with it. Some people reported that it demands $49 per year to remove nonexistent malware, and that after a month it acts like ransomware on W10. It is definitely not in the same league as McAfee or Malwarebytes or Kaspersky. If they last a year, and do more than plaster advertising and fake reviews all over the net and late night TV, you might try it then. Right now the consensus is to stay away from it. If you can't afford McAfee or Kaspersky: For Vista or Windows 7 use MSE - Free. For Windows 8/8.1 and 10 use Windows Defender which in those OS's is a full antivirus (same as MSE). And use the Windows Firewall. Have FUN! DearWebby A woman with 14 children, ranging in age from one to fourteen, went to court to sue her husband for divorce on grounds of desertion. "When did he leave you?" the judge asked. "Thirteen years ago," the tired mother replied. The judge was confused. "Well, if he left thirteen years ago, where did all these children come from?" "Well," said the woman, "he kept coming back once a year to say he was sorry." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Hard Water/Mineral Stains on Glassware Simple vinegar is what I use as we have such horrible water here in Greece. I fill a bucket or large container with water, add vinegar and leave overnight. You can also use hot water and it will work faster. I use vinegar in my electric hot water pot every week as well as in stainless steel pots and pans. I love vinegar and use it quite a lot around the house. I also squirt it on my balcony tiles to keep the ants away from the house!! Hope this helps. Guest (Guest Post) Use Lemi Shine! You just add it to your detergent and run the dishwasher as usual. I live in a VERY hard water area and I can tell you that it is the ONLY thing that works. By guest (Guest Post) ____________________________________________________ "You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness. ____________________________________________________ A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws." ____________________________________________________ | | Can you spot the people in these body paintings? |
A voice on the office loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work pro- perly in case of emergency. If you are unable to hear this announcement, please call Bev at the front desk." Everybody called to tell her that they did not hear the announcement. Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today on November 18 1477 William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed in England. 1865 Samuel L. Clemens published "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County" under the pen name "Mark Twain" in the New York "Saturday Press." 1883 The U.S. and Canada adopted a system of standard time zones. 1903 The U.S. and Panama signed a treaty that granted the U.S. rights to build the Panama Canal. 1916 Douglas Haig, commander of the British Expeditionary Force in World War I, called off the Battle of the Somme in France. The offensive began on July 1, 1916. 1928 The first successful sound-synchronized animated cartoon premiered in New York. It was Walt Disney's "Steamboat Willie," starring Mickey Mouse. 1936 Germany and Italy recognized the Spanish government of Francisco Franco. 1942 "The Skin of Our Teeth," by Thornton Wilder opened on Broadway. 1959 William Wyler's "Ben-Hur" premiered at Loew's Theater in New York City's Times Square. 1966 U.S. Roman Catholic bishops did away with the rule against eating meat on Fridays. 1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr. and Alan L. Bean landed on the lunar surface during the second manned mission to the moon. 1976 The parliament of Spain approved a bill that established a democracy after 37 years of dictatorship. 1983 Argentina announced its ability to produce enriched uranium for use in nuclear weapons. 1985 Joe Theismann (Washington Redskins) broke his leg after being hit by Lawrence Taylor (New York Giants). The injury ended Theismann's 12 year National Football League (NFL) career. 1987 The U.S. Congress issued the Iran-Contra Affair report. The report said that President Ronald Reagan bore "ultimate responsibility" for wrongdoing by his aides. 1987 CBS Inc. announced it had agreed to sell its record division to Sony Corp. for about $2 billion. 1988 U.S. President Reagan signed major legislation providing the death penalty for drug traffickers who kill. 1993 The U.S. House of Representatives joined the U.S. Senate in approving legislation aimed at protecting abortion facilities, staff and patients. 1993 American Airlines flight attendants went on strike. They ended their strike only 4 days later. 1993 Representatives from 21 South African political parties approved a new constitution. 1997 First Union Corp. announced its purchase of CoreStates Financial Corp. for $16.1 billion. To date it was the largest banking deal in U.S. history. 2001 Nintendo released the GameCube home video game console in the United States. 2016 Do smiled. |
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