Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, August 29 _____________________________________________________ Today, August 29 in  1842 The Treaty of Nanking was signed by the British and the Chinese. The treaty ended the first Opium War, allowing England exclusive rights to sell opium in China and gave the island of Hong Kong to Britain. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Mother who 'performed a sex act on her one-year-old son and sheriff's deputy who filmed it' are indicted on rape and child pornography charges  _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  _______________________________________________ Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember. --- Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972) A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest men. --- Socratex "It snowed in Malibu. Unbelievable. Roads were closed. In fact, there was so much snow, celebrities couldn't get to the global warming conference." --- Jay Leno _______________________________________________ Working at an airline ticket counter, I pulled up a passenger's reservation that showed his name as "Cole, Pheven." "I'd like to be certain our information is correct," I said to him. "What is your first name?" "It's Stephen," he replied. "I hope the reservation agent got it right. I told him it's spelled with a ph." ________________________________________________`   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor:  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Iyehesa Todd, 26, Shaderick Jones, 42, St. Gabriel, Louisiana  Mother who 'performed a sex act on her one-year-old son and sheriff's deputy who filmed it' are indicted on rape and child pornography charges  Iyehesa Todd, 26, told police that deputy Shaderick Jones asked her to perform the act on her son in exchange for not arresting her for an outstanding warrant The two were indicted Monday on charges of rape, aggravated crimes against nature and distributing child pornography. The rape charges carry life sentences Jones was also indicted on a malfeasance-in-office charge after prosecutors said he leveraged his authority. The video is alleged to have been filmed at his home Authorities said a person brought the video to the police's attention after they received it through Facebook and then traced the sender back to Jones' vehicle A grand jury has indicted a Louisiana woman who is accused of performing a sex act on her one-year-old son, as well as the sheriff's deputy accused of filming the vile encounter. The baby's mother, Iyehesa Todd, 26, told investigators that deputy Shaderick Jones asked her to perform the act on her son in exchange for not arresting her for an open warrant she had for a traffic ticket, St. Gabriel Police Chief Kevin Ambeau said. A grand jury indicted the two on Monday on charges of rape, aggravated crimes against nature and distributing child pornography. Jones was also indicted on a malfeasance-in-office charge after prosecutors argued he leveraged his authority as an officer. Authorities said someone brought the video to police who found it had been sent from Jones' sheriff's office vehicle. The rape charges alone carry life sentences, prosecutors said. 'I'd rather burn in hell with gasoline drawers on before I do what they're accused of doing,' said prosecutor Tony Clayton, adding that the rape charge alone carries a maximum life sentence. 'These are the kind of facts that make goldfish stop swimming.' Authorities said a person brought the video to police's attention after they received it through Facebook. This led investigators to track the origins of the clip and discovered it had allegedly been sent from Jones' sheriff's office vehicle - and that it had been recorded in his home. Todd was booked into Iberville Parish jail on first-degree rape and incest. Jones was later booked into West Baton Rouge Parish Detention Center on principal to first-degree rape, malfeasance in office and pornography involving juveniles, Ambeau said. Jones has worked as an Iberville Parish deputy since 2015 until he was fired shortly after his arrest, records show.  
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Gerry Re: Is SuperAntiSpyware Legit  Dear Webby, Some people suggested that I use SuperAntiSpyware to remove some sneaky stuff, some of it similar to what Louis mentioned yesterday. However, with a name like that, I am concerned that it might be ransom ware. Is it legit? Gerry  Dear Gerry Yes, it is legit and I have not heard anything bad about it. So far, everybody who mentioned it, said it successfully got rid of whatever their machine was infcted with. It is not a protector but a "stinger". It gets rid of an existing infection. Have FUN! DearWebby 
 Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
 The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run.' With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Peters was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Peters will be driving my Jeep." 
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 The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. Our pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were missing because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer." One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Crack a Nut Without a Nut Cracker No nut cracker on hand? Here are some other ways to crack a nut. 1. Use a vice grip or pliers. 2. Place the nut in a towel and hit it with a blunt option like a hammer or mallet. thriftyfun.Com Another ladies' method is to put walnuts or similar nuts between two leather work gloves, then hit them with the heel of a shoe. Broken pieces of nut shells float on water, nut kernels sink. Just skim off the shell fragments. Have FUN! DearWebby  ____________________________________________________   
  
The quest to find a lost arctic explorer's buried cabbage soup. 
 ___________________________________________________ Sign at the church: Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice. Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir." ___________________________________________________ A boy who was a witness to a crime was on the witness stand in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, "Did anyone tell you what to say in court?" "Yes Sir", answered the boy "I thought so," said the attorney. "Who was it?" "My father, sir." "And what did he tell you?" the attorney asked accusingly. "He said that the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up and confused, but if I stuck to the truth, everything would be all right." ___________________________________________________ A Jewish father was concerned about his son who was about a year away from his Bar Mitzvah but was sorely lacking in his knowledge of the Jewish faith. To remedy this he sent his son to Israel to experience his heritage. A year later the young man returned home. "Father, thank you for sending me to the land of our Fathers, " the son said. "It was wonderful and enlightening, however, I must confess that while in Israel I converted to Christianity." "Oy vey," replied the father, "what have I done?" So in the tradition of the patriarchs he went to his best friend and sought his advice and solace. "It is amazing that you should come to me," stated his friend, "I too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian." So in the traditions of the Patriarchs they went to the Rabbi. "It is amazing that you should come to me," stated the Rabbi, "I too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian. What is happening to our sons? Brothers, we must take this to God," said the Rabbi. They fell to their knees and began to wail and pour out their hearts to the Almighty. As they prayed the clouds above opened and a mighty voice stated, "Amazing that you should come to Me. I, too, sent My Son to Israel." __________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, August 29 in 1833 The "Factory Act" was passed in England to settle child labor laws. 1842 The Treaty of Nanking was signed by the British and the Chinese. The treaty ended the first Opium War, allowing England exclusive rights to sell opium in China and gave the island of Hong Kong to Britain. 1886 In New York City, Chinese Ambassador Li Hung-chang's chef invented chop suey. 1944 During the continuing celebration of the liberation of France from the Nazis, 15,000 American troops marched down the Champs Elysees in Paris. 1945 U.S. General Douglas MacArthur left for Japan to officially accept the surrender of the Japanese. 1949 At the University of Illinois, a nuclear device was used for the first time to treat cancer patients. 1957 Senator Strom Thurmond of South Carolina set a filibuster record in the U.S. when he spoke for 24 hours and 18 minutes. 1962 The lower level of the George Washington Bridge opened. 1965 Gemini 5, carrying astronauts Gordon Cooper and Charles ("Pete") Conrad, splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean after eight days in space. 1983 Two U.S. marines were killed in Lebanon by the militia group Amal when they fired mortar shells at the Beirut airport. 1983 The anchor of the USS Monitor, from the U.S. Civil War, was retrieved by divers. 1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, in a television interview, declared that America could not defeat Iraq. 1991 The Communist Party in the Soviet Union had its bank accounts frozen and activities were suspended because of the Party's role in the failed coup attempt against Mikhail Gorbachev. 1991 The republics of Russia and Ukraine signed an agreement to stay in the Soviet Union. 1992 The U.N. Security Council agreed to send troops to Somalia to guard the shipments of food. 1994 Mario Lemieux announced that he would be taking a medical leave of absence due to fatigue, an aftereffect of his 1993 radiation treatments. He would sit out the National Hockey Leagues (NHL) 1994-95 season. 1998 Northwest Airlines pilots went on strike after their union rejected a last-minute company offer. 2004 India test-launched a nuclear-capable missle able to carry a one-ton warhead. The weapon had a range of 1,560 miles. 2019 Do smiled.