--- Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, June 20 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Police find suspected burglar hiding under bed with legs poking out Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, June 20 in 1977 The Trans-Alaska Pipeline began operation. Still works fine. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ I'm still an atheist, thank God. --- Luis Bunuel (1900 - 1983) I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. --- Margaret Thatcher (1925 - ), ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Schwartz goes to see his Rabbi. He says, "Rabbi, I think my wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi says, "I'll tell you what...let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls Schwartz and says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for four hours, or rather listened to her for four hours." Schwartz says, Do you have any advice?" The Rabbi says, "Yeah. Take the poison." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now but our computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week but you can't go back as humans. What'll it be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky mountains." "So be it," says St. Peter and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?" "No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing. The week's a freebie." "In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud." "So be it," says St. Peter and the second priest disappears. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks. "The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult." "Why?" asketh the Lord. St. Peter answered, "He's on a snow tire somewhere in Tasmania." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jan Sivak, Calderdale, England Todays Bonehead Award: Police find suspected burglar hiding under bed with legs poking out If you're going to hide from the police, perhaps it would be wise to make sure your legs aren't sticking out from beneath your bed. Burglary suspect Jan Sivak didn't follow this advice and was snapped with his feet hanging out at his home in Halifax. West Yorkshire Police then posted the picture on social media with the caption: 'He will not be winning any awards for hide-and-seek champion soon.' Sivak, from Halifax, had gone on the run after failing to surrender to bail at Bradford Magistrates Court on Tuesday. He had been accused of stealing 4,500 in cash from a fish and chip shop. After he was caught he eventually appeared in court and admitted failing to surrender, which he received a 14 day sentence for. Gulfraz Khan, defending, said Sivak had tried to get to court on the day of his appearance but was unsuccessful. Sivak pleaded not guilty to burglary of a non-dwelling and was remanded into custody until July 28 for trial at Bradford Crown Court. Tech Support Pits From: Brenda Re: Is there any allowance for auto-responders? Dear Webby I can understand that with your volume of mail you consider autoresponders a silly and unnhecessary nuisance. I use Hoitmail and Yahoo mail, and as you probably know, they are a bit flakey and one never knkows if mail to me actually got through. Woould an auto-responder be OK in my case, telling people that their mail did get to me and will be answered soon? Brenda Dear Brenda Get Gmail. It is free, and very reliable. I have used it since it got started, and have not lost any mail. Some got accidentally sorted into the spam or trash folder, but it DID arrive. Using an autoresponder because you are sleeping or on the potty is silly. If somebody expects an instant reply, then you should tell them to get a life and consider that other people have lives too! I answer mail at all times of day or night. Depending on the time zone, people might be sleeping or cooking or shopping or working away from their computer. So, what? Sooner or later they will see my mail, and that will be soon enough. I also know that many people use their employer's computer for their email. If their address has the domain of some company, then I know not to expect answers on the weekend. I do NOT need an autoresponder telling me that Ms Hortensia Buttflower will return to work on Monday. The same probably applies to you and your contacts. If you don't reply instantly, the smarter ones will realize that you might be working on something else, or sleeping. Once you get Gmail or any reliable mail, forget about having to be a nuisance. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A lady was taking her time browsing through everything at a yard sale and said to the homeowner, "My husband is going to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale." "I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about all the bargains," the homeowner replied. "Normally, yes," the lady said. "But he just fell off the roof and broke both his legs, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sweetening Whipped Cream Sweeten homemade whipped cream with Confectioner's (powdered) sugar instead of granulated sugar, if you like sweet whipped cream. The cream will hold its shape better, and be fluffier. By Nancy Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | Illusions that make you question your eyesight. |
___________________________________________________ The priest was passing a group of young teens sitting on the church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing. "Nothing much, father," replied one boy. "We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life." "Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex." In unison they all replied, "You win!" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Cookie for this story: Stopping to pick up my daughter at kindergarten, I found out that the topic of "Show and Tell" that day had been parents' occupations. The teacher pulled me aside. Whispering, she advised, "You might want to explain a little bit more to your daughter what you do for a living." I work as a training consultant and often conduct my seminars in motel conference rooms. When I asked why, the teacher explained, "Your daughter told the class she wasn't sure what you did, but said you got dressed real pretty and went to work at motels." ____________________________________________________ | Today, June 20 in 0451 Roman and Barbarian warriors brought Attila's army to a halt at the Catalaunian Plains in eastern France. 1397 The Union of Kalmar united Denmark, Sweden, and Norway under one monarch. 1756 In India, 150 British soldiers were imprisoned in a cell that became known as the "Black Hole of Calcutta." 1782 The U.S. Congress approved the Great Seal of the United States. 1791 King Louis XVI of France was captured while attempting to flee the country in the so-called Flight to Varennes. 1793 Eli Whitney applied for a cotton gin patent. He received the patent on March 14. The cotton gin initiated the American mass- production concept. 1837 Queen Victoria ascended the British throne following the death of her uncle, King William IV. 1863 The National Bank of Philadelphia in Philadelphia, PA, became the first bank to receive a charter from the U.S. Congress. 1898 The U.S. Navy seized the island of Guam enroute to the Phillipines to fight the Spanish. 1910 Mexican President Porfirio Diaz proclaimed martial law and arrested hundreds. 1923 France announced it would seize the Rhineland to assist Germany in paying its war debts. That did not go mover well. 1928 Washburn-Crosby Company merged with 26 other mills to become General Mills. 1941 The U.S. Army Air Forces was established, replacing the Army Air Corps. The Army Air Forces were abolished with the creation of the United States Air Force in 1947. 1943 Race-related rioting erupted in Detroit. Federal troops were sent in two days later to end the violence that left more than 30 dead. 1947 Benjamin "Bugsy" Siegel was murdered in Beverly Hills, CA, at the order of mob associates angered over the soaring costs of his project, the Flamingo resort in Las Vegas, NV. 1963 The United States and Soviet Union signed an agreement to set up a hot line communication link between the two countries. 1967 Muhammad Ali was convicted in Houston of violating Selective Service laws by refusing to be drafted. The U.S. Supreme Court later overturned the conviction. 1977 The Trans-Alaska Pipeline began operation. 1997 The tobacco industry agreed to a massive settlement in exchange for major relief from mounting lawsuits and legal bills. 2002 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the execution of mentally retarded murderers was unconstitutionally cruel. The vote was 6 in favor and 3 against. 2018 Do smiled. |
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