Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, May 9 Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: SC Woman passed out behind wheel atr 10 am with lice covered toddler in backseat Details at  Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 9 in 1429 Joan of Arc defeated the besieging English at Orleans. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ It was one of those cloudy, hot days in Texas. The poor little commuter plane was being bounced around all over the sky. The pilot came on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we are encountering some pretty bad turbulence, but don't worry. Should anything go wrong, you'll know immediately. Our co-pilot will become hysterical." ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Anni was walking by the travel agent and saw a sign that said Cruise for $39. She walked in and plunked her money on the table. The travel agent grabbed her, tied her to a wooden pallet and threw her into the river out back. Terri walked in a few minutes later, plunked down her money and she too was grabbed, tied to a wooden pallet and thrown into the river out back. The current was swift, so she caught up with Anni and they both floated together for a while. Terri asked, "Do they serve drinks on this cruise?" Anni said,. . . "They didn't last time." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ >From Chet The joke about the modern art reminded me of an occasion when my cousin was painting in his studio when I walked in. I asked him what he was calling the work, and he said he had not made up his mind. I said "Why don't you call it HELL" He said why would he call it HELL?" I said "Well, it looks like HELL to me." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for her picture of her Escape Roses. Watch how they are growing through the hedge and try to run away!   Lillemores Escape Roses ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Lori Dianne Lawson, 39, Roebuck, South Carolina  SC Woman passed out behind wheel atr 10 am with lice covered toddler in backseat  A woman is accused of passing out in the drivers seat with a 2-year-old girl in the backseat, according to a Spartanburg Sheriffs Office report. The report says she was grossly intoxicated under the influence of alcohol. Deputies were called to the 900 block of Blackstock Rd. around 10:33 a.m. on 5/5. Before they got there, EMS had transported the woman, identified as Lori Dianne Lawson, 39, of Roebuck, and the little girl to the hospital. The Paramedic said they got a call about a person passed out in a vehicle. They beat on the window several times before the woman woke up. The paramedic says Lawson had slurred speech and he could smell alcohol coming from her. They also saw the small child in the backseat. They say the childs head was covered in lice. Both were taken for medical evaluation to Spartanburg Regional. The report says she had slurred speech and had a hard time completing sentences. They asked what the childs birth date was, she paused and said 2013. She then changed it to 2014, according to the report. Lawson, 39 is charged with unlawful neglect of a child, and the child has been placed in emergency protective custody with DSS.  ______________________________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Jerome From: Ossie Re: Is the spyware threat serious? Dear Webby So many people talk about spyware these days. Is it really that common? Ossie  Dear Ossie That all depends on whether your machine is protected or not. A recent study reported that 53% of those surveyed had experienced some sort of spyware or other malicious file infection. This number increased to a whopping 80% when the respondents' computers were scanned, meaning an additional 27% of the respondents computers were infected and they didn't even know it. Considering that excellent programs like Spybot-Search&Destroy from the side menu here are free, it's rather silly not to protect your machine. If you have any valuable information on your computer, then you might consider spending a bit of money on some professional grade protection, like Malwarebytes. You may have noticed that the Monday Humor Letter was unusually late. That was because late Sunday night a Bot- Net organized 230,000 infected computers, just like yours, and possibly including yours, to attack the Humor Letter blog. Well, the Webby server is quite a powerful machine, with 64 GB of RAM. Not 2 or 4, but 64 GB. All those attackers trying to post spam to the blog of course were told where to stuff it, and how. They were trying to overload the server so that they could get in and mess with it, like they do all the time with Government or Yahoo servers. Well, thanks to the blog set to refuse stupid ads, the server handled that attack with just barely slowing down. I noticed that, of course, and put an end to that attack. Unfortunately, the blog logged an error message for every time the blog told the attackers where to go. That filled the 4TB drive on which the blog and the Humor Letter sit. And the mail program too. It took till this morning, until Natalie, in Ukraine, found the bloated log of the Humor Letter blog. Once that was deleted, everything worked again like nothing had ever happened. So, yes, Spyware and malware definitely IS out there. I personally noticed those 230,000 infected machines last night. There are probably a hundred Million infected computers out there. The infected computers are not only used in Bot-Nets, of course, but also harvested for all kinds of information. They are usually not interested in bank information, except how much you got in the bank, because they would be caught and the bank would rip the money back, including their pants. They harvest your email addresses and sell them to spammers, and of course anything, that they can sell. Once they are in, they OWN your machine. Use at least Spybot-Search & Destroy, or if you have valuable data on your machine, hit the big blue Malwarebytes link. Have FUN! DearWebby    Keli: There's a nice-looking lady at the window table. Greg: She's a hooker. Keli: How can you be so sure? Greg: C'mon! Look at her hair, all that make-up, that short skirt, the neckline down to the navel, and those high heels. Keli: But you like it when I dress like that. Do you think I look lke a hooker? Greg: There's no way I can get out of this conversation alive, is there? 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com How Can I Tenderize Beef Brisket? By Donna [2 Posts] Best Answer After years of experimenting with brisket, I finally begged a friend to share her brisket cooking secrets. No secret ingredients, in fact no ingredients at all. Put the brisket in a pan, seal up the top tight with foil. At bedtime, put the oven in 260 degree oven. In the morning, turn the oven off and let the brisket just sit in there another 2 hours. Tender and scrumptious everytime.   

looking for fish - seagul vs dolphin

After a frantic caller told the Battle Creek, Michigan, Humane Society about two ducks trapped by the ice on a pond, the shelter manager, Mike Pearson, rushed right over. Mike inched his way out over nearly 100 feet of ice. As onlookers stood by, he carefully made his way to the ducks, and, thankfully, back to safety on the shore. Both of the wooden decoys are expected to survive. ___________________________________________________

I would like to spend a week each in all of these castles.

PRINCIPLES OF JEWISH BUDDHISM 1. Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with such round shoulders. 2. Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness. 3. Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story. 4. To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking? 5. There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that? 6. If there is no Self, whose arthritis is this? 7. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this, and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems. 8. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao is not Jewish. 9. Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip, joy. With the second, satisfaction. With the third sip, Danish. 10. Be patient and achieve all things. Haggle and get them cheaper. 11. To Find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are 10,000 flowers. Each flower blossoms 10,000 times. Each blossom has 10,000 petals. You might want to see a specialist. 12. Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated? 13. Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkes!

Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Driving down the highway one day, I saw this slogan on the back of a well-known trucking company's vehicle: "We Always Go the Extra Mile." Then I noticed another phrase scrawled in the dirt just below it: "(we rarely find the right exit)."

 Today, on May 9 1429 Joan of Arc defeated the besieging English at Orleans. 1502 Christopher Columbus left Spain for his final trip to the Western Hemisphere. 1671 Thomas "Captain" Blood stole the crown jewels from the Tower of London. 1754 The first newspaper cartoon in America showed a divided snake "Join or die" in "The Pennsylvania Gazette." 1785 Joseph Bramah patented the beer-pump handle. 1825 The Chatham Theatre opened in New York City. It was the first gas-lit theater in America. 1901 In Australia, the Duke of Cornwall and York declared the First Commonwealth Parliament open. 1904 The Great Western Railway Number 3440 City of Truro became the first railway locomotive to exceed 100 miles per hour. 1915 German and French forces fought the Battle of Artois. 1926 Americans Richard Byrd and Floyd Bennett became the first men to fly an airplane over the North Pole. 1936 Fascist Italy took Addis Abba and annexed Ethiopia. 1936 The first sheet of postage stamps of more than one variety went on sale in New York City. 1941 The German submarine U-110 was captured at sea by Britain's Royal navy. 1945 U.S. officials announced that the midnight entertainment curfew was being lifted immediately. 1946 King Victor Emmanuel II of Italy abdicated and was replaced by Umberto. 1955 West Germany joined NATO. 1960 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved for sale an oral birth-control pill for the first time. 1962 A laser beam was successfully bounced off Moon for the first time. 1974 The House Judiciary Committee began formal hearings on the Nixon impeachment. 1978 The bullet-riddled body of former Italian Prime Minister Aldo Moro was found in an automobile in the center of Rome. The Red Brigades had abducted him. 1980 A Liberian freighter hit the Sunshine Skyway Bridge over Tampa Bay in Florida. 35 motorists were killed and a 1,400-foot section of the bridge collapsed. 1994 Nelson Mandela was chosen to be South Africa's first black president. 1996 In video testimony to a courtroom in Little Rock, AR, U.S. President Clinton insisted that he had nothing to do with a $300,000 loan in the criminal case against his former Whitewater partners. 2002 In Bethlehem, West Bank, a deal was reached that would end the 38-day standoff at the Church of the Nativity. Thirteen suspected militants were to be deported to several different countries. The standoff had begun on April 2, 2002. 2002 In Kaspiisk, Russia, 39 people were killed and at least 130 were injurde when a remote-controlled bomb exploded during a holiday parade. 2002 In Bahrain, people were allowed to vote for representatives for the first time in nearly 30 years. Women were allowed to vote for the first time in the country's history. 2017 Do smiled.

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