Dear Webby's Humor Letter
widely read, forwarded, copied and imitated daily since 1994
Dear Webby's Humor Letter, daily since 1994
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 Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, November 12 Thank you, Shelley 
1411
Ophelia DingbatterIf you like my work,
Please donate a dollar,
or two, if you can afford it!
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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, November 12, in 1998. Daimler-Benz completed a merger with Chrysler to form Daimler-Chrysler AG. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award goes to Ontario trucker charged in $9.4M cocaine bust at Sarnia _____________________________________________________ Q Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) If you look good and dress well, you don't need a purpose in life. --- Robert Pante Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. --- Ernest Benn ____________________________________________________ An Army major, was conducting a field test when communications went dead, which according to Murphy's Law is a sure indication that an important message was being transmitted.He jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to drive him to the command station as fast as possible. Sure enough, when the major and the sergeant ran inside the headquarter, a group of people waiting there cheered their arrival. The commanding officer then stepped forward and shook the major's hand. "Don't congratulate me, sir," the major said modestly as he pointed to his driver. "It was all the sergeant's doing." The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant. "Congratulations," he said. "The major's wife just had a baby girl." ____________________________________________________ Computer problems? Have you checked the loose nut in front of the keyboard? __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock: An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Zenon Bialkowski, 68, Brampton, Ontario, Canada Ontario trucker charged in $9.4M cocaine bust at Sarnia Zenon Bialkowski, 68, was charged with importing cocaine and possession for the purpose of trafficking. Border officials said 188 brick-shaped objects of suspected cocaine were found in a commercial truck at the Canadian side of the Blue Water Bridge on Oct. 17, 2022. The 224 kilograms were worth about $9.4 million, a spokesperson said. (Canada Border Services Agency) A trucker arrested at the Blue Water Bridge amid what officials describe as a significant seizure of suspected cocaine 224 kilograms worth about $9.4 million, an agency spokesperson said is applying for bail next week. Zenon Bialkowski, 68, from Brampton was charged with importing cocaine and possession for the purpose of trafficking after border officers allegedly discovered 188 bricks of the drug during a search of his tractor- trailer. After being sent to the secondary examination area at the Canadian side of the international crossing between Michigan and the Sarnia area on Oct. 17, border officers there noticed inconsistencies in the load, officials said. A detailed inspection of the cargo led to the discovery of 188 brick-shaped objects of suspected cocaine. The driver was arrested by the (border officers) and transferred to the custody of the RCMP, along with the suspected narcotics, Canada Border Services Agency and RCMP officials said in a joint statement issued Monday. Bialkowski appeared in Sarnias video remand court Tuesday, where defence lawyer Robert McFadden confirmed a bail hearing featuring a proposed out-of-town surety is set for Nov. 18. Justice of the peace Debra Isaac adjourned his case to that day. A white-haired Bialkowski, wearing standard-issue orange clothes and a blue surgical mask below his glasses, didnt address the court via Zoom from the Sarnia Jail beyond confirming his name and birthdate. ___________________________________________________ Bonsai ___________________________________________________ A bus load of new recruits arrived at the reception center, and was greeted by an old drill sergeant. He began his speech, "Welcome to Fort Dix, men. From now on, I want you to think of the Army as your family and as your home." Hearing this, one of the recruits broke formation, sat down and lit a cigarette. "Private, what the ...... are you doing?" yelled the sergeant. "Well," said the private, "I'm just making myself at home. Like you said, this is my home." Thinking fast, the sergeant said, "Son, you listen good, and you're right. This is your home. So, as soon as you finish that cigarette, I want you to report to the mess hall to help mother with the dishes for this month." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ A woman answered her front door and found Little Johnny and Billy holding a list. "Lady," Johnny explained, "we are on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar." "Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?" "Our baby-sitter's boyfriend." ____________________________________________________ A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A billionaire." ================================================= DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Buzzy Re: Is your email secure? ===== One more from Buzzy ====== CALLER: "How secure is my email ? I got this letter that said my name has been traced to my address!" BUZZY: "That's just spam. Always rememeber, spammers lie." CALLER: "Well, I know THAT. But how did they trace my name to my address?" BUZZY: "Have a look and tell me if that spam is addressed to your name or something phoney." CALLER: "To 'friend at public.com'." BUZZY: "That's about as phoney as it can go. It reminds me of Lil Thomlin, one of the greatest classic comedians who ever lived. She used to play a telephone operator who called random numbers and asked them: 'Awe you the person I am speaking to?'. Those spammers are just turning that old joke into a sleazy way to get you worried. CALLER: "So my email is secure?" BUZZY: "Yes, your email is secure. However, anybody who has an IQ higher than their shoe size, can easily find out your name at any time." CALLER: (quite worried) "HOW ?" BUZZY: "You got a business web page and tell everybody who you are and invite them all to come and see you in your store." CALLER: "DUH! Guess I need some smaller shoes, huh ?" ===== Buzzy, From the Tech Support pits ====== Dear Do! RIP, Buzzy! Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Tammy and Anni were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, Tammy said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds." "Why don't you just leave him then ?" asked Anni. "Yes, but not yet." Tammy replied, "I'd like to lose at least another ten to fifteen pounds first." _____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, November 12, in 1799. Andrew Ellicott Douglass witnesses the Leonids meteor shower from a ship off the Florida Keys. 1859. The first flying trapeze act was performed by Jules Leotard at Cirque Napoleon in Paris, France. He was also the designer of the garment that is named after him. 1918. Austria and Czechoslovakia were declared independent republics. 1927. Joseph Stalin became the undisputed ruler of the Soviet Union. Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist Party leading to Stalin coming to power. 1931. Maple Leaf Gardens opened in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. It was to be the new home of the Toronto Maple Leafs in the National Hockey League (NHL). 1940. Walt Disney released "Fantasia." 1942. During World War II, naval battle of Guadalcanal began between Japanese and American forces. The Americans won a major victory. 1944. During World War II, the German battleship "Tirpitz" was sunk off the coast of Norway. 1946. The first drive-up banking facility opened at the Exchange National Bank in Chicago, IL. 1948. The war crimes tribunal sentenced Japanese Premier Hideki Tojo and six other World War II Japanese leaders to death. 1953. The National Football League (NFL) policy of blacking out home games was upheld by Judge Allan K. Grim of the U.S. District Court in Philadelphia. 1954. Ellis Island, the immigration station in New York Harbor, closed after processing more than 20 million immigrants since 1892. 1964. Paula Murphy set the female land speed record 226.37 MPH. 1979. U.S. President Carter ordered a halt to all oil imports from Iran in response to 63 Americans being taken hostage at the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran on November 4. 1980. The U.S. space probe Voyager I came within 77,000 miles of Saturn while transmitting data back to Earth. 1982. Yuri V. Andropov was elected to succeed the late Leonid I. Brezhnev as general secretary of the Soviet Communist Party's Central Committee. 1984. Space shuttle astronauts Dale Gardner and Joe Allen snared the Palapa B-2 satellite in history's first space salvage. 1985. In Norfolk, VA, Arthur James Walker was sentenced to life in prison for his role in a spy ring run by his brother, John A. Walker Jr. 1987. The American Medical Association issued a policy statement that said it was unethical for a doctor to refuse to treat someone solely because that person had AIDS or was HIV-positive. 1990. Japanese Emperor Akihito formally assumed the Chrysanthemum Throne. 1995. The space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission to dock with the Russian space station Mir. 1997. Four Americans and their Pakistani driver were shot to death in Karachi, Pakistan. The Americans were oil company employees. 1997. The UN Security Council imposed new sanctions on Iraq for constraints being placed on UN arms inspectors. 1997. Ramzi Yousef was found guilty of masterminding the 1993 bombing of the World Trade Center. 1998. Daimler-Benz completed a merger with Chrysler to form Daimler-Chrysler AG. 2001. American Airlines flight 587 crashed just minutes after take off from Kennedy Airport in New York. The Airbus A300 crashed into the Rockaway Beach section of Queens. All 260 people aboard were killed. 2001. It was reported that the Northern Alliance had taken Kabul, Afghanistan, from the ruling Taliban. The Norther Alliance at this point was reported to have control over most of the northern areas of Afghanistan. 2002. Stan Lee filed a lawsuit against Marvel Entertainment Inc. that claimed the company had cheated him out of millions of dollars in movie profits related to the 2002 movie "Spider-Man." Lee was the creator of Spider- Man, the Incredible Hulk and Daredevil. 2013. A series of portraits of Lucian Freud by the British painter Francis Bacon known as Three Studies of Lucian Freud sold for $142.4 million at an auction in New York City. 2013. In New York, it was announced that the new World Trade Center was the tallest building in the United States. The height was measured at 1,776 feet. The building was also the fourth tallest building in the world at the time. 2013. U.S. Airways and AMR reached an antitrust settlement with the U.S. Department of Justice which would allow a merger that would create the world's largest airline. 2014. NATO commander Gen Philip Breedlove reported that Russian military equipment and Russian combat troops had been seen entering Ukraine in columns over several days. 2014. The European Space Agency's Rosetta spacecraft used its lander Philae to perform the first soft landing on a comet. The comet was 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko. 2022 Do smiled.

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