Dear Webby's Humor Letter
widely read, forwarded, copied and imitated daily since 1994
Dear Webby's Humor Letter, daily since 1994
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  Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, June 20 ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Phoenix cop ambushed, shot several times; suspects arrested ___________________________________________________ History on this day, June 19, in 1977, The Trans-Alaska Pipeline began operation. Still works just fine. ___________________________________________________ My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) ___________________________________________________ Late one night during bad weather, the following was heard over the radio at a California airport control tower: Helicopter Pilot: "Tower, I'm holding at 3000 over Heli- pad 1." Second voice: "NO!!! You can't be doing that! I'm holding at 3000 over that pad!" There was a brief moment of silence. First voice again: "You idiot! You're my CO-PILOT!" ___________________________________________________ Even during lock-down: * Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. * Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. * Housework done properly can kill you. * A clean house is a sign of a misspent life. --- Quite obviously my life is NOT misspent. However, since I reverted to being an untamed bachelor almost ten years ago, you can either accept that, or tame me. ___________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Ahmani Gordon (left) and Aaron Ware, Phoenix, Arizona, USA  Phoenix cop ambushed, shot several times; suspects arrested  Suspects fired 19 times into Phoenix police car in ambush. A Phoenix Police detective was rushed to the hospital after being shot several times by two men, the department said. The incident happened in south Phoenix on June 14 just before 12:15 p.m. near 39th Avenue and Baseline Road, when a detective was conducting a follow-up investigation inside an unmarked car. While the detective was inside her car, a vehicle pulled up and slowed down next to her before continuing down the road. A short time later, the same vehicle returned to the area and drove past the detective's car once again. The vehicle then stopped behind the detective's car and two men got out. "The two men got out of the car with handguns drawn and pulled masks over their faces," Sgt. Philip Krynsky said. "Through the rearview mirror the detective was able to see the actions of the two males and began to put on her police ballistic vest and draw her handgun." One of the men stood in front of the detective's car, while the other stood outside the passenger door. Both men then fired 19 gunshots at the car, striking the detective multiple times as she got out of her vehicle. Williams said the guns killing Phoenix officers have not been legally purchased, Changes need to be made before any other officers face the same fate, she said. Democrat gun control is merely trying to reserve guns to criminals and forbid non-criminals to shoot back. ___________________________________________________ My three-year-old daughter received a certificate of achievement following her last swimming class. When my husband came home from work that evening, I handed him the cherished award. "Charlotte, would you like to tell your daddy what this is?" I asked. Charlotte thought for a moment. "Daddy," she exclaimed in her proudest, most confident voice, "this is my terrificate!" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ The judge read the charges, then asked, "Are you the defendant in this case?" "No sir, your honor, sir," replied Jill, "I've got a lawyer to do the defendin'. I'm the person who done it." ____________________________________________________   Foxy Mama ___________________________________________________ MOODS OF A WOMAN An angel of truth and a dream of fiction, A woman is a bundle of contradiction, She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse, But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house. Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose, She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose, She'll win you in rags, enchant you in silk, She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk; At times she'll be vengeful, merry, and sad, She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad. MOODS OF A MAN Hungry, Horny ____________________________________________________ There was a lighthouse keeper named Creighton Who took up with a lady from Brighton But all ships ran aground And sailors were drowned 'Cause she wouldn't have sex with the light on. ___________________________________________________ DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: James Re: Censored again  Dear Webby Piglozy's Storn Troopers (FaceBook) have censored me again. And they refuse to tell me which post the slimy Libturds have stolen. What is the best way to deal with their censorship? James  Dear James Don't let them upset you. The mass media in the US and in England are controlled by the Socialist Nazis. You or I can not change that any more than the people in Germany were able to control Hitler's propaganda. It is a sad state of affairs, but that is the way it is. You don't need their propaganda. Start a newsletter like this one. They can not censor that. Tell your friends where they can sign up for it. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ 
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________________________________________________ A cyclone hit a Kansas farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It tore off the roof, and picked up the beds on which the farmer and his wife were sleeping. By some miracle, the cyclone set them down unharmed the next county over. The wife was sobbing uncontrollably. "Don't be scared, Mary," her husband said. "We're not hurt." Mary continued to cry. "I'm not scared," she said between sobs. "I'm happy... this is the first time in 14 years we've been out together. __________________________________________ "I just hope it's not Alzheimer's," confessed the older gentleman to his doctor. "Maybe there's some kind of memory medicine you can give me. See, I'm getting terribly forgetful; I lose track of where I'm going or what I'm supposed to do when I get there. What should I do?" he asked glumly. "Pay me in advance," the doctor promptly suggested. _______________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
 Today, June 20, in 0451, Roman and Barbarian warriors brought Attila's army to a halt at the Catalaunian Plains in eastern France. 1397, The Union of Kalmar united Denmark, Sweden, and Norway under one monarch. 1756, In India, 150 British soldiers were imprisoned in a cell that became known as the "Black Hole of Calcutta." 1782, The U.S. Congress approved the Great Seal of the United States. 1791, King Louis XVI of France was captured while attempting to flee the country in the so-called Flight to Varennes. 1793, Eli Whitney applied for a cotton gin patent. He received the patent on March 14. The cotton gin initiated the American mass-production concept. 1837, Queen Victoria ascended the British throne following the death of her uncle, King William IV. 1863, West Virginia became the 35th state to join the U.S. 1863, The National Bank of Philadelphia in Philadelphia, PA, became the first bank to receive a charter from the U.S. Congress. 1898, The U.S. Navy seized the island of Guam enroute to the Phillipines to fight the Spanish. 1910, Mexican President Porfirio Diaz proclaimed martial law and arrested hundreds. 1923, France announced it would seize the Rhineland to assist Germany in paying its war debts. 1928, Washburn-Crosby Company merged with 26 other mills to become General Mills. 1941, The U.S. Army Air Forces was established, replacing the Army Air Corps. The Army Air Forces were abolished with the creation of the United States Air Force in 1947. 1943, Race-related rioting erupted in Detroit. Federal troops were sent in two days later to end the violence that left more than 30 dead. 1947, Benjamin "Bugsy" Siegel was murdered in Beverly Hills, CA, at the order of mob associates angered over the soaring costs of his project, the Flamingo resort in Las Vegas, NV. 1963, The United States and Soviet Union signed an agreement to set up a hot line communication link between the two countries. 1967, Muhammad Ali was convicted in Houston of violating Selective Service laws by refusing to be drafted. The U.S. Supreme Court later overturned the conviction. 1977, The Trans-Alaska Pipeline began operation. 1979, ABC News correspondent Bill Stewart was shot to death in Managua, Nicaragua, by a member of President Anastasio Somoza's national guard. 1983, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that employers must treat male and female workers equally in providing health benefits for their spouses. 1997, The tobacco industry agreed to a massive settlement in exchange for major relief from mounting lawsuits and legal bills. 2002, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the execution of mentally retarded murderers was unconstitutionally cruel. The vote was 6 in favor and 3 against. 2017, Mattel announced it was adding 15 new body types for their Ken doll. 2022 Do! smiled. 

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Have FUN !
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