--- Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, July 8 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Counterfeit user in Florida caught Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, July 8 in 1099 Christian soldiers on the First Crusade march around Jerusalem. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything. --- Herb Caen If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --- Professor Irwin Corey (1914 - ) Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner. --- Douglas Adams ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live very long. What should I do?" "I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies. "Let's see, do you smoke?" "Oh.. Half a pack a day." "Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees. The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?" "Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while." "Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions." The man is a bit upset, but also agrees. The doctor asks, "How do you eat?" "Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff." "Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese." The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this really necessary?" "Do you want to live long?" "Yes." "Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't even think of breaking the diet." The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues, "Do you have sex?" "Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!" he adds hurriedly. "As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None." The man is appalled. "Doc... Are you sure I'm going to live longer this way?" "I have no idea, but whatever you live, I assure you is going to seem like an eternity!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Tom's barn burned down and his wife, Matilda Jane, called her insurance agent to file a claim... Matilda Jane told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money, right quick!" The agent replied, "Just a minute, there, Matilda Jane. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." There was a long pause before Matilda Jane replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband... Right NOW!!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Priscilla Corpus, 21, North Lauderdale, Florida Counterfeit user in Florida caught A Florida woman's free fast food binge ended Tuesday. According to a Facebook post from the Martin County Sheriff's Office, Priscilla Corpus and her alleged partner in crime Jeffrey Scot Robinson was taken into custody on Tuesday. According to TCPalm.com, staffers at Dunkin Donuts tipped off cops to what appeared to be a fake bill. Deputies stopped the pair's trek in Stuart as they were motoring to their next location to hit up. In their car, along with numerous bags of food from restaurants along the Treasure Coast, deputies found more than $500 in counterfeit $20 and $50 bills, along with more than $1,500 in real U.S. currency. "The duo also had two fake guns, a number of wigs and a change of clothing," read the report. Corpus, who is from North Lauderdale, admitted to detectives she would go to various fast/casual food chains like Dunkin Donuts, Panera and McDonald's and pay for a meal with a counterfeit bill, then get authentic money in change. Robinson, who is from Pompano Beach, was the driver, but had no valid license, said the sheriff's department. Corpus, 21, was charged with uttering a forged instrument (three counts), possessing forged bills and permitting an unauthorized operator to drive. She is being held at the Martin County Jail on a $20,400 bond, according to deputies. Robinson was charged with operating a vehicle without a license, and resisting arrest without violence. The 19 year old, who was not involved with any phony cash transactions, cops say, was released from the Martin County Jail on $950 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Wes Re: Keeping neighbors off your wireless Dear Webby, I have wireless, but always wonder if someone is "piggy- backing" off of my signel. How does one stop a neighbor from doing this? Dear Wes Password your access. Or, if your neighbors don't have any hackabilly teenagers, rent them a share. Most routers are good for six shares. It is still a good idea to password your wireless and give each share a password. In many towns junior geeks go "war cruising" to find open networks, and use them to get onto the net to do all kinds of mischief. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. "Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them." "That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Smith emailed his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he wrote, "my mother-in-law is doing some heavy house-cleaning tomorrow, and my wife wants me to go help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replied. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," Smith wrote back, "I knew I could count on you!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Camp Grill Cooking Tips Apply cooking spray to your grill to keep food from sticking. When cooking it in a pot, use a lid. The food will cook faster and it will help keep dirt and insects out of your meal. Wrap potatoes and other vegetables in foil with a little butter and spices to cook on the grill. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | 800 year old doodles. Some things never change. |
___________________________________________________ Morris and Manuel were partners in a very successful garment manufacturing company in N.Y.C. They Both were having a ' fling ' with Beckie....a young attractive model who worked for their firm. One rainy day Beckie announced to her two lovers, "I'm pregnant! " Since both partners were married men they decided that Manuel would take Beckie to Mexico where she could have the baby without a scandal. Manuel took off for Mexico with Beckie while Morris ran the business and worried. Several months later an Email arrived for Morris from Manuel. It read..." Dear Partner: Beckie had Twins. Mine died at birth. What do you want to name yours ? ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
When my sister Andrea got married, she asked to wear my mother's wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the first time I was sitting with Mother in the living room as Andrea descended the stairs. The gown was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Mother's eyes welled with tears. I put my arm around her. "You're not losing a daughter," I reminded her in time- honored fashion. "You're gaining a son." "Oh, forget about that BS!" she wailed with a sob. "I used to fit into that dress!" ____________________________________________________ | Today, July 8 in 1099 Christian soldiers on the First Crusade march around Jerusalem. 1608 The first French settlement at Quebec was established by Samuel de Champlain. 1663 King Charles II of England granted a charter to Rhode Island. 1693 Uniforms for police in New York City were authorized. 1709 Peter the Great defeated Charles XII at Poltava, in the Ukraine, The Swedish empire was effectively ended. 1755 Britain broke off diplomatic relations with France as their disputes in the New World intensified. 1776 Col. John Nixon gave the first public reading of the U.S. Declaration of Independence to a crowd at Independence Square in Philadelphia. 1794 French troops captured Brussels, Belgium. 1815 Louis XVIII returned to Paris after the defeat of Napoleon. 1865 C.E. Barnes patented the machine gun. 1879 The first ship to use electric lights departed from San Francisco, CA. 1881 Edward Berner, druggist in Two Rivers, WI, poured chocolate syrup on ice cream in a dish. To this time chocolate syrup had only been used for making ice-cream sodas. 1889 John L. Sullivan defeated Jake Kilrain, in the last championship bare-knuckle fight. The fight lasted 75 rounds. 1907 Florenz Ziegfeld staged his first "Follies" on the roof of the New York Theater in New York City. 1947 Demolition work began in New York City for the new permanent headquarters of the United Nations. 1950 General Douglas MacArthur was named commander-in-chief of United Nations forces in Korea. 1953 Notre Dame announced that the next five years of its football games would be shown in theatres over closed circuit TV. 1960 The Soviet Union charged Gary Powers with espionage. He was shot down in a U-2 spy plane. 1963 All Cuban-owned assets in the United States were frozen. 1969 The U.S. Patent Office issued a patent for the game "Twister." 1981 The Solar Challenger became the frist solar-powered airplane to cross the English Channel. 1986 Kurt Waldheim was inaugurated as president of Austria despite controversy over his alleged ties to Nazi war crimes. 1997 The Mayo Clinic and the U.S. government warned that the diet- drug combination known as "fen-phen" could cause serious heart and lung damage. 1997 NATO invited Poland, Hungary, and the Czech Republic to join the alliance in 1999. 2010 The Solar Impulse completed the first 24-hour flight by a solar powered plane. 2018 Do smiled. |
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