Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, November 20 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Father finds man in teen girl's closet with her underwear and pictures  Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, November 19 in 1995 Princess Diana admitted being unfaithful to Prince Charles in an interview that was broadcast on BBC Television. However, she remained a media favorite. See More of what happened on this day in history.
 ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 ______________________________________________________ A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds. --- Sir Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626) Genius might be described as a supreme capacity for getting its possessors into trouble of all kinds. --- Samuel Butler (1835 - 1902) A good many young writers make the mistake of enclosing a stamped, self-addressed envelope, big enough for the manuscript to come back in. This is too much of a temptation to the editor. --- Ring Lardner ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A man was walking along the beach at Malibu when he found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one.." The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for a bridge to be built from here to Hawaii." The genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved with the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask." The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes them tick?" The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four? _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me that he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back." And my neighbor said, "Well, it's not even my ladder. It's my dad's." _____________________________________ From Dad   _____________________________________________________ 
 If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  Thanks for your votes!
 _____________________________________________________ A little girl had just finished her first week of school. She came home and said to her mother, "I'm wasting my time. I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!" _____________________________________________________ Happy Birthday, Sailor! Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Michael Zabalza Ruelas, Glendale, Arizona  Father finds man in teen girl's closet with her underwear and pictures  A Phoenix father came home to find a man inside his daughter's closet with the girl's underwear and pictures, according to KTVK. Police arrested Michael Zabalza Ruelas, of Glendale, who is facing one count of second-degree burglary. Police said on Thursday, Nov. 9, the family arrived home when they noticed their dog was barking at the closet. The father went to investigate and found Ruelas inside with photos of his 16-year-old daughter, her underwear and lotion, police said. The father then threatened to hit Ruelas with a crowbar and he took off out of the house, court documents said. He then drove away and the mother was able to get his license plate number, police said. Officers later spotted the suspect driving by the house and he was pulled over. After being arrested, police said Ruelas admitted to getting into the house through a window and collected panties from different laundry baskets inside the house. Ruelas said he took some of the underwear with him when he left the house, and the clothing items were inside the car when he was pulled over, according to police. He made his first court appearance and bond was set at $3,500. He's had several run-ins with the law, including DUI, false reporting and failure to appear for a driving on a suspended license charge.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Randall Re: Keyboard malfunction Dear Webby, Quick question for you. The only key i have not working is my exclamation key, every other key works fine. is it time for a new keyboard? The keyboard came with my new computer in the springtime.? Tried cleaning it but to no avail...be safe. Randall  Dear Randall Try to get warranty. You can try whacking the keyboard really hard upside down onto a newspaper on your desk. If that does not fix it, just get a new keyboard. They are cheap. Which brand was it that died in half a year? Obviously you should avoid that. I have good results with Kensington and DELL keyboards. Have FUN! DearWebby    
 There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mineshaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole! The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mineshaft in front of them! The man replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be MY goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie." 
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 Baby camel to his dad, "Dad, why have we got such big feet?" "so that we can carry our masters through the hot shifting sands of the desert where no other animal can go," replied Dad. "Dad, why have we such long spindly legs?" "So that we can carry our masters through all the prickly thorn bushes in the desert without scratching their legs," replied Dad. "Dad, why do we have such big humps on our backs?" "So that we can carry our masters for long distances across the desert without stopping for food or water," replied Dad. "Dad, why our we standing in the back of this truck, stuck in rush-hour traffic?" ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vinegar for Whitening Corelle Dishes By Nancy Batdorf When we moved 5 years ago, my Corelle dishes were all white. However, after time using the dishwasher that was in the house, my dishes have turned dingy gray, especially on the bottom and around the edges. I've tried baking soda (that worked on my glasses) to no avail. Today, while hand washing them I thought 'let's see what vinegar does. So I poured some in a dishpan and put some bowls in and lo and behold they came out white. I really should have tried that sooner since I knew what other miracles vinegar performs. I just wanted to share this. I wrote Corelle and they never answered. I've also tried different cleansers but no good, the whole time the best and cheapest cleaner was in my cupboard. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________  Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says "WHAT??" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife. We'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. And then goes to the Jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it." The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register." The husband says," no - no - no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife's face goes blank. "No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." Her face gets really red and she is about to explode and then the husband says, "You must not be in tune with my emotional state about your unbalanced checkbooks and your overdrawn VISAs!" __________________________________________________  
 
The rock houses that inspired J. R. R. Tolkien. 
 The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she spent on the telephone; not so much for the time she wasted (he had given up on that long ago), but because nobody else could use the phone. So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for her with her own private number and directory listing. Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch and chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser. "Why are you using our telephone," he yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?" "I can't," she said, "I'm expecting an important call on my phone." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ____________________________________________________  
 Today, November 20, in 1789 New Jersey became the first state to ratify the Bill of Rights. 1818 Simon Bolivar formally declared Venezuela independent of Spain. 1873 Budapest was formed when the rival cities of Buda and Pest were united to form the capital of Hungary. 1901 The second Hay-Pauncefoot Treaty provided for construction of the Panama Canal by the U.S. 1910 Francisco I. Madero led a revolution that broke out in Mexico. 1943 During World War II, U.S. Marines began their landing on Tarawa and Makin atolls in the Gilbert Islands. 1945 24 Nazi leaders went before an international war crimes tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany. 1947 Britain's Princess Elizabeth married Philip Mountbatten, Duke of Edinburgh in Westminster Abbey. 1959 Britain, Norway, Portugal, Switzerland, Austria, Denmark and Sweden met to create the European Free Trade Association. 1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis ended. The Soviet Union removed its missiles and bombers from Cuba and the U.S. ended its blockade of the island. 1967 The Census Clock at the Department of Commerce in Washington, DC, went past 200 million projected inhabitants. 1969 The Nixon administration announced a halt to residential use of the pesticide DDT as part of a total phase out of the substance. 1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab leader to address Israel's parliament. 1980 On Jefferson Island, Louisiana, an oil rig in Lake Pigneur pierced the top of the salt dome beneath the island. The freshwater lake completely drained within a few hours. The Delcambre Canal reversed flow and two days later the previous freshwater lake was a 1,300-foot-deep saltwater lake. That put an end to salt mining. 1983 An estimated 100 million people watched the controversial ABC-TV movie "The Day After." The movie depicted the outbreak of nuclear war. 1986 The one billionth Little Golden Book was printed. The title was The Poky Little Puppy. 1987 Police investigating the fire at King's Cross, London's busiest subway station, said that arson was unlikely to be the cause of the event that took 31 lives. 1988 Egypt and China announced that they would recognize the Palestinian state proclaimed by the Palestine National Council. 1989 Over 200,000 people rallied peacefully in Prague, Czechoslovakia, demanding democratic reforms. 1990 Saddam Hussein ordered another 250,000 Iraqi troops into the country of Kuwait. 1990 The space shuttle Atlantis landed at Cape Canaveral, FL, after completing a secret military mission. 1992 A fire seriously damaged the northwest side of Windsor Castle in England. 1993 The U.S. Senate passed the Brady Bill and legislation implementing NAFTA. 1994 The Angolan government and rebels signed a treaty in Zambia to end 19 years of war. 1995 Princess Diana admitted being unfaithful to Prince Charles in an interview that was broadcast on BBC Television. 1998 Afghanistan's Taliban militia offered Osama bin Laden safe haven. Osama bin Laden had been accused of orchestrating two U.S. embassy bombings in Africa and later terrorist attacks on New York City and the Pentagon. 1998 Forty-six states agreed to a $206 billion settlement of health claims against the tobacco industry. The industry also agreed to give up billboard advertising of cigarettes. 2001 The U.S. Justice Department headquarters building was renamed the Robert F. Kennedy building by President George W. Bush. The event was held on what would have been Kennedy's 76th birthday. 2017 Do smiled.
 
 
 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog