Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, August 9, 2022  ___________________________________________________ History on this day, August 9, in 1945, The U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Nagasaki. The bombing came three days after the bombing of Hiroshima. About 74,000 people were killed. Japan surrendered August 14. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award A man is in custody after Phoenix Police say they seized an AR-15, meth, fentanyl pills and armor from his apartment. _________________________________________________ It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. --- Krishnamurti Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. [info][add][mail][note]Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977) "Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it." --- Richard Feynman Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me. __________________________________________________ One Sunday morning as the minister was preaching the children's sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He pointed at the egg and asked the children, "What's in here?" "I know!" a little boy exclaimed. "Pantyhose!" ___________________________________________________   Blue Jay in Spruce Grove Donna Bloski __________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Abel Sanchez-Peralta, 28, Phoenix, Arizona USA  Man in custody after police seize stolen AR-15, meth, fentanyl and armor from his apartment  A man is in custody after Phoenix Police say they seized an AR-15, meth, and fentanyl pills from his apartment. Police say they responded to a domestic violence call where Abel Sanchez-Peralta allegedly was intimidating his girlfriend's mom and his girlfriend with a gun. A man is in custody after Phoenix Police say they seized an AR-15, meth, and fentanyl pills from his apartment. Police say they responded to a domestic violence call where Abel Sanchez-Peralta allegedly was intimidating his girlfriend and her mother with a gun. Sanchez-Peralta then fled, but police still reportedly found him with the gun. When searching his apartment, police found an AR-15, 68 pounds of meth and 8,000 fentanyl pills. Sanchez-Peralta is currently in the Maricopa County jail on drug and weapons charges. The possession of body-armor will probably add 10 years to his sentence. _____________________________________________________ Definition of The Perfect Husband: A guy who makes his wife's panties wet, doing the laundry every week. _____________________________________________________ During my brother's wedding, my mother managed to keep from crying until she glanced at my grandparents. My grandmother had reached over to my grandfather's wheelchair and gently touched his hand. That was all it took to start my mother's tears flowing. After the wedding. Mom went over to my grandmother and told her how that tender gesture triggered her outburst. "Well, I'm sorry to ruin your moment," Grandmother replied, "but I was just trying to get him to stop snoring. He was keeping me awake." ___________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ The prospective father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family? The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Jane RE: Kill FireFox site data and cache and cookies Dear Webby, I am going to give my old computer to my granddaughter, but first I want to kill FireFox site data and cache and cookies. How do I do that? Jane color> Dear Jane Click the menu button Menu and select Options. Select the Privacy & Security panel and go to the Cookies and Site Data section. Click the Clear Data button. The Clear Data dialog will appear. Cookies and Site Data (to remove login status and site preferences) and Cached Web Content (to remove stored images, scripts and other cached content) should both be check marked. Click Clear. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ The Sunday School teacher asked, "Now, Johnny, tell me, do you say prayers before eating?" "No sir," he replied, "We don't have to. My Mom is a good cook!" _____________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes place. The man says "What's the problem officer?" Officer: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going 80. [Man gives his wife a dirty look.] Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for half a year. [Man gives his wife a dirty look.] Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt. Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your damn mouth!" Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you like this all the time? Wife says: "No, only when he's drunk!" Man to his wife: "Since you are drunker than I am, and since you can't drive even when you are not drunk, you get to walk home now, and to the store for a few months." ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! ___________________________________________________ Three mischievous boys went to the zoo one day for an outing, since they had been at school all week. They decided to visit the elephant cage, but soon enough, they were picked up by a cop for causing a commotion. The officer hauled them off to security for questioning. The supervisor in charge asked them to give their names and tell what they were doing at the elephant cage. The first boy innocently said, "My name is Gary, and I was just throwing peanuts into the elephant cage." The second added, "My name is Larry, and all I was doing was throwing peanuts into the elephant cage." The third boy was a little shaken up and said, "Well, my name is Peter, but my friends call me Peanuts." _____________________________________________________ The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 12: 1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 2. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. 3. Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE! 4. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. 5. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game? 6. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)" 7. This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off." 8. To "shut down" your system, type "WIN" 9. BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding. 10. COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key. 11. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) 12. Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User. 13. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N) 14. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS) 15. User Error: Replace user. 16. Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)" 17. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way. _____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! ____________________________________________________ Benign What you be after you be eight. Bacteria Back door to cafeteria. Barium What you do with dead folks. Catscan Searching for the cat. Coma A punctuation mark. Fester Quicker than someone else. Fibula A small lie. Hangnail What you hang your coat on. Labor Pain Getting hurt at work. Morbid A higher offer than I bid. Nitrates Cheaper than day rates. Secretion Hiding something. Tablet A small table to change babies on. Seizure Roman emperor. Terminal Illness Getting sick at the train station. Tumor More than one. Varicose Near by. __________________________________________ A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like 'chalk' or 'pencil,' she described, would have a gender association although in English, these words were of neutral gender. Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?" The teacher wasn't certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was composed of the women in the class, and the other of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation. The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because: 1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem. 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model. The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval. 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending your paychecks on accessories for it. ____________________________________________________ 
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 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 
 Today, August 9, in 1790, The Columbia returned to Boston Harbor after a three- year voyage. It was the first ship to carry the American flag around the world. 1831, The first American steam locomotive began its first trip between Schenectady and Albany, NY. 1842, The U.S. and Canada signed the Webster-Ashburton Treaty, which solved a border dispute. 1848, Martin Van Buren was nominated for president by the Free-Soil Party in Buffalo, NY. 1854, "Walden" was published by Henry David Thoreau. 1859, The escalator was patented by Nathan Ames. 1892, Thomas Edison received a patent for a two-way telegraph. 1893, "Gut Holz" was published. It was America's first bowling magazine. 1910, A.J. Fisher received a patent for the electric washing machine. 1930, Betty Boop had her beginning in "Dizzy Dishes" created by Max Fleischer. 1936, Jesse Owens won his fourth gold medal at the Berlin Olympics. He was the first American to win four medals in one Olympics. 1942, Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested in Britain. He was not released until 1944. 1942, CBS radio debuted "Our Secret Weapon." 1944, The Forest Service and Wartime Advertising Council created "Smokey the Bear." 1945, The U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Nagasaki. The bombing came three days after the bombing of Hiroshima. About 74,000 people were killed. Japan surrendered August 14. 1945, The first network television broadcast occurred in Washington, DC. The program announced the bombing of Nagasaki, Japan. 1956, The first statewide, state-supported educational television network went on the air in Alabama. 1965, Singapore proclaimed its independence from the Malaysian Federation. 1973, The U.S. Senate committee investigating the Watergate affair filed suit against President Richard Nixon. 1974, U.S. PresidentRichard Nixon formally resigned. Gerald R. Ford took his place, and became the 38th president of the U.S. 1975, The New Orleans Superdome was officially opened when the Saints played the Houston Oilers in exhibition football. The new Superdome cost $163 million to build. 1985, Arthur J. Walker, a retired Navy officer, was found guilty of seven counts of spying for the Soviet Union. 1988, Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) was traded. The trade was at Gretzky's request. He was sent to the Los Angeles Kings. 1996, Boris Yeltsin was sworn in as president of Russia for the second time. 1999, Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired Prime Minister Sergei Stepashin and his entire cabinet for the fourth time in 17 months. 2001, U.S. President George W. Bush announced he would support federal funding for limited medical research on embryonic stem cells. 2004, Donald Duck received the 2,257th star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. 2004, Trump Hotel and Casion Resorts announced plans to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Trump had built it, but was not running it. 2022 Do! smiled. 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!