Good Morning, Do, Today is Sunday, March 11 For some of you daylight savings time starts today. Check your computer time. It will be right. Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: CT man drove stolen car to Hartford court for stolen car charge Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, March 11 in 1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union. It was the first Soviet republic to break away from Communist control. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; first, you get accused of things you never did, and later, credited for virtues you never had. --- I. F. Stone (1907 - 1989) You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. --- Friedrich Nietzsche _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Notes to the Milkman (In England) "Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one." Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk." Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it" Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk." Milkman. please could I have a loaf but not bred today." Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks." Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round." When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress. Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last nights Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened." My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle." Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me." Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it." From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk." My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight." Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday." When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk. No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice." ______________________________________________________ Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spent relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV: Insurance agents. Ask about our term-life package. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Parry's Penstemon, near Phoenix, March 9. _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Census Taker: "How many children do you have?" Woman: "Four." Census Taker: "May I have their names, please?" Woman: "Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George." Census Taker: "Okay, that's fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child George?" Woman: "Because we didn't want any Moe." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jonathan Rivera, 25, Hartford, Connecticut CT man drove stolen car to Hartford court for stolen car charge Police said a man answering to a stolen car charge drove a stolen car to court in Hartford. Police said that on Wednesday Jonathan Rivera, 25, was at the Hartford Superior Court on Wednesday to appear before a judge on a charge of first-degree larceny and tampering with a motor vehicle from February. Parking authority agents scanning license plates outside the courthouse found the car, a 2014 white Subaru Legacy, that had been reported stolen out of Newington. Police kept an eye on the car, and they arrested Rivera when he got inside and tried to drive away. Rivera has been charged with second-degree larceny and taking a motor vehicle without the owner's permission. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Robert Re: Large and small HTML tags Dear Webby, As I was snooping in the source code of your pages to try and learn some tricks, I noticed that you start tags with capital letters and close them with small letters. For example, you start a bold section with and end it with Is that the secret for your pages loading so fast, even though you use a lot of color and graphics? Robert Dear Robert That trick does not affect the speed. A good server takes care of the speed. That trick is just an old habit from the good old days when web pages were writen by hand with a plain text editor, and chiseled onto stone tablets. With a plain text editor it can and does happen, that you are typing too fast, and miss a bracket, or forget to close a tag. Using Caps for opening and small letters for closing, makes it a bit easier to find mistakes. That's all. Have FUN! DearWebby Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that can store and play music inside women's breasts . The i-boob is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them. Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Jon was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the paper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ. He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." His wife replies, "Why, thank you, dear!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right." He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I'm wrong," she said. With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting the Most out of Turkey or Chicken Bones To pull the calcium out of chicken or turkey bones add 1 ounce vinegar to each quart of water up to 4 ounces total when you are making soup stock. It will not give a vinegar taste to the soup but will draw out ALL the nutrients in the bones. By Reta Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A kid called up his mum from college and asked her for some money. Mum said, "Sure, sweetie. Mum will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?" "Uhh, oh yeah," responded the kid. So Mum wrapped up the book along with the checks in a package, kissed Dad goodbye and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she returned, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?" Mum said, "Oh, I wrote him two checks: one for $20, and the other for $1,000." "That's $1,020!" yelled Dad. "Are you crazy???" "Don't worry, hon," Mum said. "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19!" | The seaweed houses of Ls, Island. Very ingenious to use the seaweed for roofs but not such a good idea to cut down all the trees! |
___________________________________________________ My uncle Joe and his best buddy, Bubba, went hunting a couple of weeks ago. Somehow they got lost. (Uncle Joe swears it had nothing to do with the large quantities of alcohol consumed...) Uncle Joe reassured his buddy, though. "Don't worry. All we have to do is shoot into the air three times, stay where we are, and someone will find us." They shot in the air three times, but no one came. After a while, they tried it again. Still no response. When they decided to try once more, Bubba said, "It better work this time. We're down to our last three arrows." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, March 11 in 537 The Goths began their siege on Rome. 1302 The characters Romeo and Juliet were married this day according to William Shakespeare. 1649 The peace of Rueil was signed between the Frondeurs (rebels) and the French government. 1665 A new legal code was approved for the Dutch and English towns, guaranteeing religious observances unhindered. 1702 The Daily Courant, the first regular English newspaper was published. 1810 The Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was married by proxy to Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria. 1824 The U.S. War Department created the Bureau of Indian Affairs. Seneca Indian Ely Parker became the first Indian to lead the Bureau. 1845 Seven hundred Maoris led by their chief, Hone-Heke, burned the small town of Kororareka. The act was in protest to the settlement of Maoriland by Europeans, which was a breach of the 1840 Treaty of Waitangi. 1861 A Confederate Convention was held in Montgomery, Alabama, where a new constitution was adopted. 1865 Union General William Sherman and his forces occupied Fayetteville, NC. 1867 In Hawaii, the volcano Great Mauna Loa erupted. 1888 The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic Seaboard shutting down communication and transportation lines. More than 400 people died.(March 11-14) 1900 British Prime Minister Lord Salisbury rejected the peace overtures offered from the Boer leader Paul Kruger. 1901 Britain rejected an amended treaty to the canal agreement with Nicaragua. 1901 U.S. Steel was formed when industrialist J.P. Morgan purchased Carnegie Steel Corp. The event made Andrew Carnegie the world's richest man. 1904 After 30 years of drilling, the north tunnel under the Hudson River was holed through. The link was between Jersey City, NJ, and New York, NY. 1905 The Parisian subway was officially inaugurated. 1907 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt induced California to revoke its anti-Japanese legislation. 1907 In Bulgaria, Premier Nicolas Petkov was killed by an anarchist. 1930 Babe Ruth signed a two-year contract with the New York Yankees for the sum of $80,000. 1935 The German Air Force became an official department of the Reich. 1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt authorized the Lend-Lease Act, which authorized the act of providing war supplies to the Allies. 1946 Communists and Nationalists began fighting as the Soviets pulled out of Mukden, Manchuria. 1946 Pravda denounced Winston Churchill as anti-Soviet and a warmonger. 1947 The DuMont network aired "Movies For Small Fry." It was network television's first successful children's program. 1965 The American navy began inspecting Vietnamese junks in an effort to end arms smuggling to the South. 1969 Levi-Strauss started selling bell-bottomed jeans. 1978 Bobby Hull (Winnipeg Jets) joined Gordie Howe by getting his 1,000th career goal. 1985 Mikhail Gorbachev was named the new chairman of the Soviet Communist Party. 1986 Popsicle announced its plan to end the traditional twin-stick frozen treat for a one-stick model. 1988 A cease-fire was declared in the war between Iran and Iraq. 1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union. It was the first Soviet republic to break away from Communist control. 1990 In Chile, Patricio Aylwin was sworn in as the first democratically elected president since 1973. 1993 Janet Reno was unanimously confirmed by the U.S. Senate to become the first female attorney general. 1993 North Korea withdrew from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty refusing to open sites for inspection. 1994 In Chile, Eduardo Frei was sworn in as President. It was the first peaceful transfer of power in Chile since 1970. 1998 The International Astronomical Union issued an alert that said that a mile-wide asteroid could come very close to, and possibly hit, Earth on Oct. 26, 2028. The next day NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that there was no chance the asteroid would hit Earth. 2002 Two columns of light were pointed skyward from ground zero in New York as a temporary memorial to the victims of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. 2018 Do smiled. |
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