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 Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, June 23 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida woman, clocked at 73 mph in 40 mph zone, admits to 'swerving' and being drunk Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, June 23 in 1868 Christopher Latham Sholes received a patent for an invention that he called a "Type-Writer."  More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ I shall never be ashamed of citing a bad author if the line is good. --- Seneca (5 BC - 65 AD) Now, in reality, the world have paid too great a compliment to critics, and have imagined them to be men of much greater profundity than they really are. --- Henry Fielding (1707 - 1754) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A civil servant is badly hurt falling down the stairs of the Ministry of Absorption in Jerusalem. He is taken to Hadassah hospital where he remains in a coma for several days. Finally, an eye opens and his doctor tells him: "My friend, I have bad news and I have good news. First of all, you'll never be able to work again..." "Nu," muttered the injured bureaucrat. "What's the bad news?" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ "TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR DEAD NEIGHBORS" If you share a home with a friend or relative, be thankful. They will give you company and support. And if you happen to die, they will miss you dearly, especially when the dishes start to pile up. Not everyone is so lucky. A 40-year-old woman in Marburg, Germany, lay dead in her apartment for more than 10 months before police found her body. The body was discovered only because the landlord cared enough to ask, "Where's my darn rent?" The woman's neighbors hadn't noticed anything strange. They had apparently assumed she was hibernating. Just like Al Gore. Such cases seem to be a major problem in Germany, where death often arrives a few months, even a few years, before the undertaker. That's partly because of the country's efficient banking system, which makes automatic bill-paying so easy, even dead people can do it. In 1998, a Hamburg man was found dead on his sofa. He had expired five years earlier, but, sitting in front of his television, he looked just as lively as most men. The only thing missing was a sign that said, "I'd get up to answer the door, but I'm dead tired." Unfortunately Germany isn't the only country where dead people are taking up valuable apartment space. Russian workers once found a man's skeletal remains in a room in a communal apartment. He had been dead for five years, but the families sharing the other rooms were too preoccupied to realize that a room was available. Even people with roommates sometimes find themselves neglected, as did 43-year-old William Everett Delaney. The Key West, Florida, man lay dead on his kitchen floor for two months. His 78-year-old roommate recalled that Delaney had fallen on the floor, but thought he was still alive, perhaps doing some close-up research on the kitchen tiles. The roommate offered to take Delaney to the hospital or get him something to eat or drink, but when Delaney didn't reply, the roommate made the only logical conclusion: Delaney was very stubborn. The 78-year-old stepped over Delaney's body for two months, probably shaking his head and thinking, "I wish he'd get up and help me clean the kitchen. It's starting to get an awful smell." Nobody deserves to die so anonymously. That's why it's important to check on your neighbors regularly, especially if they're elderly. Just knock on their doors and ask if they're OK. You: "Hello! Is anyone there?" Female neighbor (shouting from behind her door): "Whatever you're selling, we don't want any. That includes religion." You: "I'm not selling anything. I'm your neighbor. Just stopping by to make sure you aren't dead." Neighbor: "Dead? No, I don't think I'm dead. But I'm not sure about my husband. He hasn't moved from the couch since 1983. Do you think that's abnormal?" You: "Only if he isn't holding the remote." If you don't want to disturb your neighbors, keep a lookout for signs that they may have died years ago. Here are a few telltales: ---The grass around their home is so tall, the Boy Scouts want to camp there. ---Their blue Volvo has gradually turned white, getting a free paint job from the birds. ---They have a sign on their driveway that reads, "Grover Cleveland for President." ---They're still flying the confederate flag. ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Stormi Winters, 29 St. Johns County Jail, Florida  Florida woman, clocked at 73 mph in 40 mph zone, admits to 'swerving' and being drunk  A St. Johns County woman was jailed on a misdemeanor DUI charge after she was pulled over in the 1800 block of A1A in St. Augustine. Stormi Winters, 29, was stopped at 11:24 p.m. on Wednesday by a St. Johns County deputy, an arrest report said. Deputies said Winters was spotted driving erratically in her 2016 Kia on A1A. The arrest report said that Winters was speeding and "violently turning left" instead of merging. Winters was clocked going 73 mph in a 40 mph zone, deputies said. She was asked if she knew why she was pulled over, she replied, "Because I was swerving all over the road." When she was asking why she was swerving, she replied, "Because I have been drinking," the report said. Winters was texting "frantically" on her phone when she was pulled over, the arrest report said. She told deputies that she consumed "two or three" drinks at "Dunes." She was trying to get home to her 6-year-old son, the report said. Winters is being held in the St. Johns County Jail on $1,000 bond. 
 Tech Support Pits om: Leonard Re: Launcher  Dear Webby You once mentioned a program launcher to replace shortcut icons. I use a lot of programs that I don't really want to advertise on my work machine with shortcut icons, so that launcher would be a good solution, if it is still available. Thanks Leonard  Dear Leonard Yes, launchy is still available. http://launchy.net/ Millions of us just love it! For those of you, who don't know about it, it is a microscopic little program that launches whatever you want, by typing the first letter or two of that program name, and hitting Enter. ALT Spacebar opens Launchy. Then you type, for example W it suggests "Word" and you hit Enter. WORD starts up, as if you had found the shortcut icon and double-clicked it. A for Ancestry. H for humor letter, and so on. If you have many programs starting with W, it shows you a list of them, for example Wordpad Weather Wikipedia You use the arrow keys to highlight the one you want, and hit ENTER. You never have to take your fingers off the keyboard and wrestle the cat for the mouse. If you type numbers, it is a calculator. There are countless different "skins" available. I use a very basic black background with a white entry line with black text. You can use the default or pick whatever "skin" you like. Just pick one and figure out what you would like instead. It would take you years to try them all. Have FUN DearWebby  
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 "Mommy, my turtle is dead," the little boy, Futh, sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand. The mother kissed him on the head, then said," That's all right. We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet. "Ice cream?" the little boy said, wiping his tears and smiling, "Oh! Boy!" His mother said, "I don't want you...." Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move. "Futh, you're turtle is not dead after all." "Oh," the disappointed boy said. "Can I kill it?"  
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 A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooking Mushrooms When cooking mushrooms, always be sure to cook them with low heat and do not allow them to cook too long. If you do, they will become tough and will shrivel. Very little additional liquid is needed, because mushrooms are ninety percent water.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
The best of People Are Awesome! 
 ___________________________________________________ David bought his wife a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, his friend Bill asked how she was doing with it. "Oh," said David, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet." "How come?" Bill asked. "Well," he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing, plus she can tak it with her, and annoy other people." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get one as there is a shortage." The Texan said, "What's a shortage?" The Russian said, "What's a steak...?" The New Yorker said, "What's excuse me....?" ____________________________________________________  
 Today, June 23 in 1683 William Penn signed a friendship treaty with Lenni Lenape Indians in Pennsylvania. 1700 Russia gave up its Black Sea fleet as part of a truce with the Ottoman Empire. 1758 British and Hanoverian armies defeated the French at Krefeld in Germany. 1760 The Austrians defeated the Prussians at Landshut, Germany. 1757 Robert Clive defeated the Indians at Plassey and won control of Bengal. 1836 The U.S. Congress approved the Deposit Act, which contained a provision for turning over surplus federal revenue to the states. 1848 A bloody insurrection of workers in Paris erupted. 1865 Confederate General Stand Watie, who was also a Cherokee chief, surrendered the last sizable Confederate army at Fort Towson, in the Oklahoma Territory. 1868 Christopher Latham Sholes received a patent for an invention that he called a "Type-Writer." 1884 A Chinese Army defeated the French at Bacle, Indochina. 1902 Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Italy renewed the Triple Alliance for a 12 year duration. 1904 The first American motorboat race got underway on the Hudson River in New York. 1926 The first lip reading tournament in America was held in Philadelphia, PA. 1931 Wiley Post and Harold Gatty took off from New York on the first round-the-world flight in a single-engine plane. 1934 Italy gained the right to colonize Albania after defeating the country. 1938 The Civil Aeronautics Authority was established. 1938 Marineland opened near St. Augustine, Florida. 1947 The U.S. Senate joined the House in overriding President Truman's veto of the Taft-Hartley Act. 1951 Soviet U.N. delegate Jacob Malik proposed cease-fire discussions in the Korean War. 1952 The U.S. Air Force bombed power plants on Yalu River, Korea. 1956 Gamal Abdel Nasser was elected president of Egypt. 1966 Civil Rights marchers in Mississippi were dispersed by tear gas. 1972 U.S. President Nixon and White House chief of staff H.R. Haldeman discussed a plan to use the CIA to obstruct the FBI's Watergate investigation. 2003 Apple Computer Inc. unveiled the new Power Mac desktop computer. 2004 The U.S. proposed that North Korea agree to a series of nuclear disarmament measures over a three-month period in exchange for economic benefits. 2013 In Arizona, aerialist Nik Wallenda completed a quarter mile tightrope walk over the Little Colorado River Gorge. My yellow cap is down in that gorge. 2015 NASA's Mars Odyssey completed its 60,000th orbit around Mars. The spacecraft entered orbit on October 23, 2001. 2015 Verizon announced it had completed its $4.4 billion purchase of AOL, Inc. Have not heard much about AOL since then. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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