Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, November 26 | 1411If you like my work,
Please donate a dollar,
or two, if you can afford it!
Please, help me stay online!
|
___________________________________________________ History: on this day, November 26, 1940, The Nazis forced 500,000 Jews of Warsaw, Poland to live within a walled ghetto. ____________________________________________________ Bonehed Award: Florida man angry over lost keys attacks woman, begins shooting inside bar _____________________________________________________ Q How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct. --- Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881) decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) ____________________________________________________ Morris, a tourist, once came to Israel with the intention of visiting the Kotel (Western Wall) but he forgot what it was called. When he stepped into a taxi, he said to the driver "Can you please take me to the place where all Jews cry? Do you know where this is?" The taxi driver answered . . . "Beseder - I'll take you there". He drove Morris straight to the taxation office. __________________________________________________ A small boy stunned his parents when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and quarters. Finally his mother said, "Where did you get all that money?" "At Sunday School," the boy replied nonchalantly. "They have bowls of it." __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock: An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Connor Anderson, 30, Palm Coast, Florida, USA Florida man angry over lost keys attacks woman, begins shooting inside bar A Florida man upset that he lost his car keys walked into a Palm Coast bar and pointed a gun at a woman's head and then started shooting at people inside the bar before those inside the bar tackled him to the ground, Flagler County Sheriff Rick Staly said. Deputies responded to the Smiles Nite Club on Palm Harbor Village Way shortly after midnight on Sunday after receiving several 911 calls about a shooting inside the bar. When they arrived, law enforcement found the suspect, 30-year-old Connor Anderson, in a nearby parking lot, armed with a 9mm Glock handgun, deputies said. Witnesses told deputies that Anderson had been at the bar with a woman when he became upset because he couldn't find his keys. The man then left the venue and came back inside with a gun and placed the woman in a headlock, and held the gun to her head, deputies said. When customers tried to intervene, Anderson fired the gun six times at several people at the bar before other customers tackled him to the ground, deputies said. Remarkably, no one was hurt in the shooting, according to a release. "It is amazing this dirtbag did not kill or seriously injure anyone during his moment of rage over something as small as his car keys. Violence is never the answer and alcohol and guns never mix well," Sheriff Rick Staly said in a statement. "Anderson will be learning that the hard way as he sits in jail at the Green Roof Inn. I also commend the patrons that intervened and immediately called us. Putting themselves in danger in this case saved many lives." Anderson was arrested and booked into jail on six counts of shooting into or throwing deadly missiles, three counts of aggravated assault, battery, using a firearm while under the influence of alcoholic beverages, and improper exhibition of dangerous weapons or firearms. He was booked into the Sheriff Perry Hall Inmate Detention Facility on a $542,000 bond. ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A man dies and is getting his tour of heaven. His guide is pointing out the various features and landmarks when the man asks, "What's that cliff?" "Oh, you don't want to look down there. That's hell!" The man creeps up to the edge and looks over. He sees lush, green valleys, verdant farmland and trees everywhere. "This doesn't look so bad," he says. Puzzled, the guide comes over and looks down. "Dang!" he snaps, "Those Mormons have been irrigating again!" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ >From Connie O "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands." _______________________________________________ Phrases NOT in an Arkansas' Vocabulary! 30.Oh I just couldn't; Hell, she's only sixteen. 29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. 28. Duct tape won't fix that. 27. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan. 26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy. 25. We don't keep firearms in this house. 24. Who gives a crap who won the Civil War? 23. You can't feed that to the dog. 22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor. 21. Spittin is such a nasty habit. 20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today. 19. Trim the fat off that steak. 18. Cappuccino tastes better than expresso. 17.Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer? 16. I thought Graceland was tacky. 15.No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe. 14. Honey, we don't need another dog. 13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled? 12. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace? 11. Wrestling's fake. 10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams. 9. The tires on that truck are too big. 8. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts, and would you please bring my salad dressing on the side. 7. What nice body this Merlot has. 6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen. 5. I don't have a favorite college team. 4. She's too young to be wearing a bikini. 3. You All. 2. Checkmate. 1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving tonight. __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here." "You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the harried waiter. "I can only serve one table at a time." ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Bea for this one: For the second time in a row, I was forced to impose on the woman with whom I car pooled to get our children to soccer practice. I phoned and explained that my husband had the car again, so I wouldn't be able to take my turn. A few minutes before she was due to pick up my son, my husband showed up. Since it was too late for me to call and say I could drive after all, I asked my husband to hide the car in the garage and to stay inside. I also explained to my son that he shouldn't mention anything about his father's whereabouts. Unfortunately, my husband forgot and was in front of our house chatting with a friend when my carpool partner arrived. When my son returned from practice, I asked him if she had noticed. "Yes," he replied, "she asked me which of the two men in front of the house was my father. But don't worry. I told her I didn't know." __________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Walter Re: Line spacing in Open Office Dear Webby I have a question about how to set the line spacing in Open Office and went to their help site; they referred me to the "Context Menu." Where do I find that "Context Menu" or better yet as the preeminent man of knowledge and right answers can you tell me how to adjust the line spacing in Open Office. My sincerest thanks as always! Be well, live long, prosper, and Carpe Diem, Walter Dear Walter You have to be IN OO or Office Libre Writer. Select the text you want to work with, then open the Format menu and choose "Paragraph." You can change the space before the selected paragraph, after the selected paragraph or between the selected lines to 1 inch using the options under the Indents & Spacing tab. Click "OK" to confirm your settings. 1 inch is just an example. You can, of course, set any dimension. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model in her refrigerator to remind her of her goal. The reminder worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method. The downside to this was that her husband spent so much time going into the fridge to look at the picture that he ended up gaining fifteen pounds! _____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, November 26, in 1716, The first lion to be exhibited in America went on display in Boston, MA. 1789, U.S. President Washington set aside this day to observe the adoption of the Constitution of the United States. 1832, Public streetcar service began in New York City. 1867, J.B. Sutherland patented the refrigerated railroad car. 1917, The National Hockey League (NHL) was officially formed in Montreal, Canada. 1922, In Egypt, Howard Carter peered into the tomb of King Tutankhamen. 1940, The Nazis forced 500,000 Jews of Warsaw, Poland to live within a walled ghetto. 1941, U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a bill establishing the fourth Thursday in November as Thanksgiving Day. In 1939 Roosevelt had signed a bill that changed the celebration of Thanksgiving to the third Thursday of November. 1942, U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered nationwide gasoline rationing to begin December 1. 1942, The motion picture "Casablanca" had its world premiere at the Hollywood Theater in New York City. 1943, The HMS Rohna became the first ship to be sunk by a guided missile. The German missile attack led to the death of 1,015 U.S. troops. 1949, India's Constituent Assembly adopted the country's constitution The country became republic within the British Commonwealth two months later. 1950, China entered the Korean conflict forcing UN forces to retreat. 1958, Maurice Richard (Montreal Canadiens) scored his 600th NHL career goal. 1965, France became the third country to enter space when it launched its first satellite the Diamant-A. 1973, Rose Mary Woods, told a federal court that she was responsible for the 18-1/2 minute gap in a key Watergate tape. Woods was U.S. President Nixon's personal secretary. 1975, Lynette"Squeaky" Fromme was found guilty by a federal jury in Sacramento, CA, for trying to assassinate U.S. President Ford on September 5. 1979, The International Olympic Committee voted to re-admit China after a 21-year absence. 1983, A Brinks Mat Ltd. vault at London's Heathrow Airport was robbed by gunmen. The men made off with 6,800 gold bars worth nearly $40 million. Only a fraction of the gold has ever been recovered and only two men were convicted in the heist. 1986, U.S. President Reagan appointed a commission headed by former Sen. John Tower to investigate his National Security Council staff after the Iran-Contra affair. 1988, The U.S. denied an entry visa to PLO chairman Yasser Arafat, who was seeking permission to travel to New York to address the U.N. General Assembly. 1990, Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev met with Iraqi Foreign Minister Tariq Aziz at the Kremlin to demand that Iraq withdraw from Kuwait. 1990, Matsushita Electric Industrial Co. agreed to acquire MCA Inc. for $6.6 billion. 1992, The British government announced that Queen Elizabeth II had volunteered to start paying taxes on her personal income. She also took her children off the public payroll. 1995, Two men set fire to a subway token booth in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. The clerk inside was fatally burned. 1997, The U.S. and North Korea held high-level discussions at the State Department for the first time. 1998, British Prime Minister Tony Blair made a speech to the Irish Parliament. It was a first time event for a British Prime Minister. 1998, Hulk Hogan announced that he was retiring from pro wrestling and would run for president in 2000. 2003, The U.N. atomic agency adopted a resolution that censured Iran for past nuclear cover-ups and warning that it would be policed to put to rest suspicions that the country had a weapons agenda. 2011, The Mars Science Laboratory/Curiosity spacecraft launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, FL. The Mars rover Curiosity landed on the floor of Gale Crater on August 6, 2012. 2022 Do smiled.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Go to TOP
Well, Do , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name,
or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me.
I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly
from then on.
If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't
have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me.
I will gladly enter them for you and send them a confirmation request.
To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com
If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time,
then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription.
If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/sub.html
You can also UNsubscribe there.
If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter,
please unsubscribe by clicking the link below:
You are currently subscribed to the Regular HTML version with this address:
newsletter@newslettercollector.com
UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular HTMLversion Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter | . |
