Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, October 9 home4christmas.com is for sale! Make an offer! $50 minimum. You can use it for anything you want. Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award: Another rape by 'repeat' illegal alien ______________________________________________________ Today, October 9 in 1989 The official Soviet news agency Tass reported an unidentified flying object. The report included a trio of tall aliens that had visited the city of Voronzh. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
The higher the buildings, the lower the morals. --- Noel Coward (1899 - 1973) ______________________________________________________ The man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying because she thought he was with another woman. "No, honey, I swear, I was at this bar, and it was so fancy that even the urinals were made of gold." She said she didn't believe him so she called the bar. "Hello," she said, "I just want to ask one question. My husband claims to have spent the night at your bar and I have one question: "Are your urinals covered in gold?" To which she heard the bartender said, "Hey, Clarence, I think we found the drunk who peed in your tuba!" ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle. "That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the enemy, and go 'Bangety Bang Bang.'" "But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible) recruit. The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. "Here, use this ... just go, 'Stabity Stab Stab.'" The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, an enemy soldier charges at him. The recruit points the broom. "Bangety Bang Bang!" The enemy falls dead. More enemies appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" He mows down the enemy by the dozens. Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one enemy soldier walking slowly toward him. "Bangety Bang Bang! shouts the recruit. The enemy keeps coming. "Bangety Bang Bang!" repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate. "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" It's no use. The enemy keeps coming. He stomps the recruit into the ground, mumbling "Tankety Tank Tank." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?" The father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right." "That's okay," replied Little Johnny, "but you could at least give it a try, couldn't you?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by April Calkins, 38, Cody Gotowala, 13, Choctaw, Oklahoma Mom arrested for bringing teenage son along with her to break-ins Police arrested 38-year-old April Calkins along with Cody Gotowala on burglary charges. Calkins, also facing a charge of contributing to the deliquency of a minor, accused of taking her 13-year-old son along with them on the crime spree. The 13-year-old boy told authorities he went with his mom multiple times, Taking items like little girls clothing and in one case bullets for a gun. The boy told police his mom had done more than a hundred burglaries in the eastern OKC metro. He says he stopped going with her when he realized what she was doing. And although Calkins and Gotowala are now in custody, officials say the investigation is not over yet. Officials with the Oklahoma County Sheriff's Office say a child's doll led them to a major burglary ring in Choctaw. Last month, deputies with the sheriff's office discovered thousands of dollars worth of stolen items at a Choctaw home, near N.E. 36th and Choctaw Rd. According to a search warrant affidavit, deputies began their investigation into the home after a doll was seen online. On Sept. 4, a victim called the Oklahoma County Sheriff's Office after noticing a Cabbage Patch doll matching one stolen in the burglary was being sold on an online classified website. Investigators say the victim spotted the doll for sale on 'Letgo' and was being sold by Craft Pirate. Ultimately, investigators were able to track down the seller. According to the search warrant affidavit, deputies attempted to speak with the seller and immediately noticed items that matched the description of other pieces of stolen property. Deputies were able to obtain a search warrant for the property and seized items like hunting gear, power tools and video games. From: Edith Re: Hacker threat Dear Webby, Lately I have gotten a lot of mail from a wanna-be hacker, with my address forged into the sender slot, threatening me with all kinds of problems, if I don't pay immediately. I know they are full of shit, but they are a nuisance. How do I block them? Edith Dear Edith With MailWasher that is easy. There are links to that on top and on the side. Send an email to yourself. That will show you the machine name and your IP number in the header. Make a filter with MailWasher that if the header contains [your address] and the header does not contain [your machine name]. and for the action select: delete automatically. That deletes those spams right on the server, without even showing them in the list. Sent to hell in the dark. You will never see those spams again, or any spam, that has your address forged into the sender slot. If you can't tell your machine name, send an email to me and I will read the header. Instead of the machine name you can also use your IP number. You can look that up at http://webby.com/ip Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Upon retiring from the service, Don, needed a new ID card showing he had gone from active duty to retirement status. But the photo taken of him was not particularly good and he wasn't at all quiet about it. "If I have to carry that ID around with me for the rest of my life," he complained to the photographer, "I want a better picture." "Want a better picture?" asked the photographer defiantly. "Then bring us a better face!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A salesman attending a meeting on the coast was held up when a severe storm and a flood washed out the local airport. He wired his office: "Delayed by storm. Send instructions." His boss wired back: "We'll answer your calls. Your vacation has been approved to start immediately." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com October Best Buys Plan your meals around items that tend to be cheaper in October. Here's a list of some of the best bets during October. Apples, Baking Goods, Beans, Beef, Beets, Broccoli, Brussels Sprouts, Cauliflower, Chestnuts, Cranberries, Parsnips, Pears, Pork, Pumpkin, Scallops, Sweet Potatoes, Turkey, Turnips, and Winter Squash. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Take a guess as to what these knobbly balls were used for. It's a mystery to me! |
___________________________________________________ One day a co-worker told my friend, Stan, that she was going home early because she didn't feel well. Since Stan was just getting over something himself, he wished her well and said he hoped it wasn't something he had given her. A fellow worker piped up, "I sure hope not. She has morning sickness." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Lincoln studied by the light of a fireplace. Mozart composed by candlelight. Galileo invented by oil lamp. Didn't they ever think to do their work during the daytime? | Today October 9 in 1635 Roger Williams, founder of Rhode Island, was banished from Massachusetts because he had spoken out against punishments for religious offenses and giving away land that belonged to the Indians. Williams had founded Providence, Rhode Island as a place for people to seek religious freedom. 1776 A group of Spanish missionaries settled in what is now San Francisco, CA. 1781 The last major battle of the American Revolutionary War took place in Yorktown, VA. The American forces, led by George Washington, defeated the British troops under Lord Cornwallis. 1812 During the War of 1812 American forces captured two British brigs, the Detroit and the Caledonia. 1855 Isaac Singer patented the sewing machine motor. 1855 Joshua C. Stoddard received a patent for his calliope. 1858 Mail service via stagecoach between San Francisco, CA, and St. Louis, MO, began. 1872 Aaron Montgomery started his mail order business with the delivery of the first mail order catalog. The firm later became Montgomery Wards. 1876 Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas Watson made their longest telephone call to date. It was a distance of two miles. 1888 The public was admitted to the Washington Monument for the first time. 1914 During World War I, German forces captured Antwerp, Belgium. 1930 Aviator Laura Ingalls landed in Glendale, CA, to complete the first solo transcontinental flight across the U.S. by a woman. 1936 The first generator at Boulder Dam began transmitting electricity to Los Angeles, CA. The name of the dam was later changed to Hoover Dam. 1940 St. Paul's Cathedral in London was bombed by the Nazis. The dome was unharmed in the bombing. 1946 "The Iceman Cometh" opened in New York City, NY. 1946 The first electric blanket went on sale in Petersburg, VA. 1975 Andrei Sakharov was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The Soviet scientist is known as the "father of the hydrogen bomb." 1986 U.S. District Judge Harry E. Claiborne became the fifth federal official to be removed from office through impeachment. The U.S. Senate convicted Claiborne of "high crimes and misdemeanors." 1986 The musical "Phantom of the Opera" by Andrew Lloyd Webber opened in London. 1989 The official Soviet news agency Tass reported an unidentified flying object. The report included a trio of tall aliens that had visited the city of Voronzh. 1994 The U.S. sent troops and warships to the Persian Gulf in response to Saddam Hussein sending thousands of troops and hundreds of tanks toward the Kuwaiti border. 1995 Saboteurs tinkered with a stretch of railroad track in Arizona. An Amtrak train derailed killing one and injuring a hundred. 2000 Brett Hull (Dallas Stars) scored his 611th National Hockey League (NHL) goal. The goal allowed him to pass his father, Bobby Hull, on the all time scoring list bringing him to number 9. 2003 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II knighted Roger Moore and made Sting a CBE (Commander of the British Empire). 2009 NASA launched the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS). On November 13, it was announced that water had been discovered in the planned impact plume on the moon. 2018 Do smiled. |
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