Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, November 14 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Brooklyn wacko, who slashed throat of ex-girlfriend's friend, charged with murder  Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, November 14 in 1889 New York World reporter Nellie Bly (Elizabeth Cochrane) began an attempt to surpass the fictitious journey of Jules Verne's Phileas Fogg by traveling around the world in less than 80 days. Bly succeeded by finishing the journey the following January in 72 days, 6 hours and 11 minutes. See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ Humor is just another defense against the universe. --- Mel Brooks (1926 - ) Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. --- James M. Barrie (1860 - 1937) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ >From Sue One of my most difficult jobs as a flight attendant is to enforce rules while keeping customers happy. The electronic equipment that comes on board creates the biggest challenge. I walk the aisle asking passengers to turn off computers, electronic games and cell phones, which can create inter- ference in communications between the pilot and the air traffic control tower. During one landing, a man persistently kept his cell phone at his ear. I confronted him and said, "Sir, you cannot talk on your phone until we reach the gate." "I am not talking," he replied. "My wife is talking. I'm listening." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ "Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the modish young lady. "What's to be proud of?" asked the old man. The young lady replied, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you've learned to put your hand in front of your mouth." "Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth?" ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ Schwartz goes to see his Rabbi. He says, "Rabbi, I think my wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi says, "I'll tell you what...let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls Schwartz and says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for four hours. Well, actually, she spoke for four hours while I near the phone was..." Schwartz says, Do you have any advice?" The Rabbi says, "Yeah. Take the poison." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Ruslan Baimov, Brooklyn, New York  Brooklyn wacko, who slashed throat of ex-girlfriend's friend, charged with murder  A Brooklyn woman whose throat was slashed by her friend's deranged ex-boyfriend has died, police said Wednesday. Larysa Saad, 42, was taken off life support at Coney Island Hospital on Tuesday 10 days after police say Ruslan Baimov ripped her throat open during a bloody attack in Seagate. Family members plan to donate Saad's organs, police said. Saad's ex-husband wanted to keep her alive, hoping she would recover, her landlord Joseph Nikosevic said. She was making tea in her friend's apartment on Neptune Ave. when Baimov pushed in an air conditioner and climbed through an open window just before midnight on Oct. 28, police said. Saad's friend had recently broken up with Baimov, 40, who lives in the same building on an upper floor. It's so sad, Nikosevic, 64, said. "You should never help anybody. You seen what happens? She lost her life." Baimov slit Saad's throat and then stabbed and raped his ex- girlfriend all while the woman's 11-year-old daughter hid in a bedroom, authorities said. He then allegedly held the two women hostage for hours, alternating between kissing his wounded former paramour and threatening to kill her. Saad remained on the ground in a pool of her own blood, gurgling and gasping for air, her 42-year-old friend told the Daily News. Baimov left the apartment about four hours after he broke in. Saad was rushed to Coney Island Hospital, where she was put on a respirator. Baimov is charged with attempted murder and rape. He was ordered held without bail following his arraignment on Oct. 31. The Brooklyn District Attorney will increase the charges to murder at Baimov's next court appearance, sources said. He will of course also have charges for burglary of an occupied dwelling, assault with a deadly weapon and rape.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Alice Re: Mail not getting through Dear Webby, I am sending this from a friend's computer, because mail from my computer does not seem to get through to anybody. What could be the cause of that? My regualr address is alicer@... Alice  Dear Alice, The reason your mail is blocked by everybody is because you use an autoresponder. That makes you look like a silly moron and a nuisance, and your address gets blacklisted. You absolutely do NOT need to tell anybody, that their email arrived and that you will look at it when you get around to it or the next business day. That just annoys people. Most spam control programs recognize autoresponders, automatically dump mails from them and blacklist that address. Get rid of that dumb autoresponder and change your address. Most likely your friends will forgive you for having annoyed them with an autoresponder. Have FUN! DearWebby Reply from Alice  Dear Webby At first I was miffed at your reply, that sounded like you had preached the same thing too many times. Pardon me for not having been subscribed as long as others. Then I phoned my daughter, hoping she had a different explanation. Well, golly, she didn't. And she had me blacklisted! Not on purpose, but as you said, anything that smells like an auto- responder gets dumped and the sender blacklisted. Now I dumped my autoresponder, and the stupid book that recommended it. Thanks Alice  Autoresponders are only justified when they deliver requested information, like for example a price list, or weather update, or event schedule, or even race results when somebody sends a blank email to a certain address. Other than that, it's best to avoid them like the plague.    
 An English teacher often wrote little notes on student essays. She was working late one night, and as the hours passed, her handwriting deteriorated. The next day a student came to her after class with his essay she had corrected. "I can't make out this comment you wrote on my paper." The teacher took the paper, and after squinting at it for a minute, sheepishly replied, "It says that you need to write more legibly!" 
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 A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound like her." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Seeds Seeds that you didn't get around to planting this year should be fine next year if stored properly. Most seeds can be stored for 3 to 4 years. The key will be storing the seeds in a cool, dry, and dark place. Keep the temperature between 40 and 50 degrees F. It's best to store them in a moisture-proof, sealed container. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com If you have ever seen a "Superbloom" in Death Valley, when wind blown seeds, that have been laying dormant for 50 years or since the last good rain, finally get a rain and just explode in a total color festival, then you stop worrying about storing seeds. Temperature and temperature changes from 100 degrees in the afternoon to near freezing at sunrise mean absolutely nothing to dry seeds. Just keep them dry. Have FUN! DearWebby  ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Honey & Joe for this story: Married 52 years, I took a look at my wife Julie yesterday and said, "Honey, 52 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I go to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old chick. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 70+ year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things." Now Julie is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old chick, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed.... ____________________________________________________  A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet. "Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army," the general said. "Nothing to it-you'll catch on again fast." Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom and said, "OK, bunny, it's back to the village for you." __________________________________________________  
 
Beautiful, amazing paper sculptures. 
 While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing nobody around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at a pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that?" she asked. "Tennis ball," came the breathless reply. "Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful, I had tennis elbow once...." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 http://flightaware.com/ Thanks for the entertainment everyday! Thought some of your readers would enjoy watching loved ones fly away or to them. Gayle  ____________________________________________________  
 Today, November 14, in 1832 The first streetcar went into operation in New York City, NY. The vehicle was horse-drawn and had room for 30 people. 1851 Herman Melville's novel "Moby Dick" was first published in the U.S. 1881 Charles J. Guiteau's trial began for the assassination of U.S. President Garfield. Guiteau was convicted and hanged the following year. 1889 New York World reporter Nellie Bly (Elizabeth Cochrane) began an attempt to surpass the fictitious journey of Jules Verne's Phileas Fogg by traveling around the world in less than 80 days. Bly succeeded by finishing the journey the following January in 72 days, 6 hours and 11 minutes. 1922 The British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) began domestic radio service. 1935 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt proclaimed the Philippine Islands a free commonwealth after its new constitution was approved. The Tydings-McDuffie Act planned for the Phillipines to be completely independent by July 4, 1946. 1940 During World War II, German war planes destroyed most of the English town of Coventry when about 500 Luftwaffe bombers attacked. 1951 The first telecast of a world lightweight title fight was seen coast to coast. Jimmy Carter beat Art Aragon in Los Angeles. 1956 The USSR crushed the Hungarian uprising. 1968 Yale University announced it was going co-educational. 1969 Apollo 12 blasted off for the moon from Cape Kennedy, FL. 1969 During the Vietnam War, Major General Bruno Arthur Hochmuth, commander of the Third Marine Division, became the first general to be killed in Vietnam by enemy fire. 1972 Blue Ribbon Sports became Nike. 1973 Britain's Princess Anne married a commoner, Capt. Mark Phillips, in Westminster Abbey. They divorced in 1992, and Princess Anne re-married. 1979 U.S. President Carter froze all Iranian assets in the United States and U.S. banks abroad in response to the taking of 63 American hostages at the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran. 1983 The British government announced that U.S.-made cruise missiles had arrived at the Greenham Common air base amid protests. 1988 Israeli President Chaim Herzog formally asked Prime Minister Yitzhak Shamir to form a new government. 1989 The U.S. Navy ordered an unprecedented 48-hour stand- down in the wake of a recent string of serious accidents. 1990 Simon and Schuster announced it had dropped plans to publish Bret Easton Ellis novel "American Psycho." 1991 After 13 years in exile Cambodian Prince Norodom Sihanouk returned to his homeland. 1994 U.S. experts visited North Korea's main nuclear complex for the first time under an accord that opened such sites to outside inspections. 1995 The U.S. government instituted a partial shutdown, closing national parks and museums while most government offices operated with skeleton crews. 2012 The game Candy Crush Saga was released as a mobile app for iPhones. 2017 Do smiled.
 
 
 

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