Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, March 22 Today I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs. No fun for me. You get a vacation on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Monday issue will be in your mail again. Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida woman arrested for DUI, again, said she 'knows the game' Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, March 22 in 1733 Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water (seltzer). See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision for the limits of the world. --- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. --- Joseph Stalin (1879 - 1953) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Peter decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Peter's station wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night. "I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Not to worry," Peter said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn." Nine months later, Peter got a letter from the widow's attorney. He then went up to visit his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?" "Yes, I do." "Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?" "Yes, I have to admit that I did." "Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?" Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did." "Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!" ______________________________________________________ After a two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?" "Yes, we have, your honor," the foreman responded. "Would you please pass it to me," the judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him. After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, "Please read your verdict to the court." "We find the defendant Not Guilty of all four counts of bank robbery," stated the foreman. The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the verdict and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude. The man's attorney turns to his client and asks, "So, what do you think about that?" The defendant, with a bewildered look on his face turns to his attorney and says, "I'm real confused here. Does this mean that I have to give all the money back, or do I have to do it again?" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ Frederick II, the eighteenth-century king of Prussia, fancied himself an enlightened monarch, and in some respects he was. On one occasion he is supposed to have interested himself in conditions in the Berlin prison and was escorted through it so that he might speak to the prisoners. One after the other, the prisoners fell to their knees before him, bewailing their lot and, predictably, protesting their utter innocence of all charges that had been brought against them. Only one prisoner remained silent, and finally Frederick's curiosity was aroused. "You," he called. "You there." The prisoner looked up. "Yes, Your Majesty?" "Why are you here?" "Armed robbery, Your Majesty." "And are you guilty?" "Entirely guilty, Your Majesty. I deserve my punishment." At this Frederick rapped his cane sharply on the ground and said, "Warden, release this guilty wretch at once. I will not have him here in jail where by example he will corrupt all the splendid innocent people who occupy it." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Lacie Faye Schuman, 32, Jacksonville, Florida  Florida woman arrested for DUI, again, said she 'knows the game'  A woman has been arrested for driving under the influence with a unrestrained toddler in the vehicle, according to a St. Johns County Sheriff's Office police report. On Sunday at approximately 2:14 a.m., an officer came across Lacie Faye Schuman, 32, driving recklessly on Cypress Links Boulevard. St. Johns County police conducted a traffic stop and noticed a strong odor alcohol coming from the vehicle and found a 2-year-old boy inside.The toddler was not properly restrained, according to the report. Schuman's eyes were described as bloodshot and watery. She refused to perform a sobriety test or give a breath sample, stating "she knows the game." Schuman was arrested and charged with child neglect, DUI, and driving as a habitual offender. She has been arre3stedfor DUI a few times before.   Tech Support Pits From: Beverly Re: Mail Size Restrictions  Dear Webby the size of each email that we can receive and now I am having trouble receiving any email with pictures. I wondered if you can give me a referral to Gmail? The Service Tech from my ISP said he thought you could receive any size email through it, and I have read several times in the Humor Letter where you speak pretty highly of it. I went to Google and read about it and really would like to try it. I hope you can help me. Thanks! Beverly M  Dear Beverly You don't need referals anymore. Just go to http://gmail.com Yes, with gmail there are no kindergarten limits. Just take your time to customize it to your liking, and you'll be quite happy with it. You can even use it with regular POP programs like Eudora or Outlook, not just with it's web interface. Have FUN! DearWebby    An Irishman walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well, Murph, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, hm?" Murphy says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!" The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round. Monday evening arrives. Murphy comes back into the bar and says "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!" Murphy looks at the bartender with a wondrous look on his face, pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says "You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?" 
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 It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would mind dropping off someone's laundry on my way home. "It's for my cousin," she apologized, "who's eight months pregnant and can't get out much anymore." I cheerfully agreed and, driving to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the sister-to-be, answered. "Hi, there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?" Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained, "I have a delivery for her." The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide. "Mom!" she shrieked, "come quick! It's the stork!" 
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 Cajun math A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Jigsaw Puzzle Make a personalized homemade jigsaw puzzle by gluing a photograph to a piece of 1/4 inch plywood. If you have a color ink jet printer you can print the photo yourself. Then use a jigsaw to cut your puzzle pieces. Glue a copy of the same picture to the lid of a cigar box and wrap the box for a great gift.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Even easier and much faster is taking an old jigsaw puzzle and gluing a new picture on it. Then cut the pieces apart with a knive or even a pen. Have FUN! DearWebby  ____________________________________________________  Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived babies) "Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled! Isn't she adorable?" Friend: "But your kid didn't smile." Father: "I was talking about the nurse!"  
People are awesome, for the week. 
 ___________________________________________________ Minister at a funeral service, "Friends, let us say goodbye to our beloved, departed friend. Let us remember that here lies only the shell--the nut has gone!" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, March 22 in 1457 Gutenberg Bible became the first bible printed with moveable type. 1622 Indians attacked a group of colonists in the James River area of Virginia. 347 residents were killed. 1630 The first legislation to prohibit gambling was enacted. It was in Boston, MA. 1638 Anne Hutchinsoon, a religious dissident, was expelled from the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 1719 Frederick William abolished serfdom on crown property in Prussia. 1733 Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water (seltzer). 1765 The Stamp Act was passed. It was the first direct British tax on the American colonists. It was repealed on March 17, 1766. 1794 The U.S. Congress banned U.S. vessels from supplying slaves to other countries. 1841 Englishman Orlando Jones patented cornstarch. 1872 Illinois became the first state to require sexual equality in employment. 1873 Slavery was abolished in Puerto Rico. 1882 The U.S. Congress outlawed polygamy. 1894 The first playoff competition for the Stanley Cup began. Montreal played Ottawa. 1895 Auguste and Louis Lumiere showed their first movie to an invited audience in Paris. 1901 Japan proclaimed that it was determined to keep Russia from encroaching on Korea. 1902 Great Britain and Persia agreed to link Europe and India by telegraph. 1903 Niagara Falls ran out of water due to a drought. 1903 In Columbia, the region near Galera De Zamba was devastated by a volcanic eruption. 1904 The first color photograph was published in the London Daily Illustrated Mirror. 1905 Child miners in Britain received a maximum 8-hour workday. 1906 France lost the first ever rugby game ever played against Britain. 1907 Russians troops completed the evacuation of Manchuria in the face of advancing Japanese forces. 1907 In Paris, it was reported that male cab drivers dressed as women to attract riders. 1910 In Liberia, a telegraph cable linked Tenerife and Monrovia. 1915 A German zeppelin made a night raid on Paris railway stations. 1919 The first international airline service was inaugurated on a weekly schedule between Paris and Brussels. 1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a bill legalizing the sale and possession of beer and wine containing up to 3.2% alcohol. 1934 The first Masters golf championship began in Augusta, GA. 1935 In New York, blood tests were authorized as evidence in court cases. 1935 Persia was renamed Iran. 1941 The Grand Coulee Dam in Washington began operations. 1943 The Dutch workweek was extended to 54 hours. 1943 Obligatory work for woman ends in Belgium. 1945 The Arab League was formed with the adoption of a charter in Cairo, Egypt. 1946 The first U.S. built rocket to leave the earth's atmosphere reached a height of 50-miles. It was a modifioed captured German V2. 1948 The United States announced a land reform plan for Korea. 1954 The first US shopping mall opened in Southfield, Michigan. 1954 The London gold market reopened for the first time since 1939. 1960 A.L. Schawlow & C.H. Townes obtained a patent for the laser. It was the first patent for any laser. 1965 U.S. confirmed that its troops used chemical warfare against the Vietcong. 1974 The Viet Cong proposed a new truce with the U.S. and South Vietnam. The truce included general elections. 1977 Indira Ghandi resigned as the prime minister of India. 1978 Karl Wallenda, of the Flying Wallendas, fell to his death while walking a cable strung between two hotels in San Juan, Puerto Rico. 1982 The Space Shuttle Columbia was launched into orbit on mission STS-3. It was the third orbital flight for the Columbia. 1987 A barge loaded with 32,000 tons of refuse left Islip, NY, to find a place to unload. After being refused by several states and three countries space was found back in Islip. 1990 A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Captain Hazelwood not guilty in the Valdez oil spill. 1991 Pamela Smart, a high school teacher, was found guilty in New Hampshire of manipulating her student-lover to kill her husband. 1992 A Fokker F-28 veered off a runway at New York's LaGuardia airport and into Flushing Bay, killing 27 people. 1993 Intel introduced the Pentium-processor (80586) 64 bits-60 MHz-100+ MIPS. 1995 Russian cosmonaut Valeri Polyakov returned to Earth after setting a record for 438 days in space. 1997 Tara Lipinski, at 14 years and 10 months, became the youngest women's world figure skating champion. 2002 A collection of letters and cards sent by Princess Diana of Wales sold for $33,000. The letters and cards were written to a former housekeeper at Diana's teenage home. 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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