Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, August 11 For the Perseid Meteor Shower look to the NortEast tonight, if you don't have thick smoke. The meteors are just a little bit brighter than the stars, but because they move quite swiftly, you see them easily. Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Drunk driver tries to escape arrest by telling cops shes a clean, thoroughbred white girl Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, August 11 in 1896 Harvey Hubbell received a patent for the electric light bulb socket with a pull-chain switch. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. --- Thomas Szasz, I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don't understand. --- Sir Edward Appleton (1892 - 1965) I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don't understand. --- Sir Edward Appleton (1892 - 1965) To find yourself, think for yourself. --- Socrates ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ THE THIRD BIGGEST LIE Ann Landers challenged her readers to come up with the world's third-biggest lie -- right after "The check is in the mail" and "I'm from the government and I'm here to help you." Here is a sampling from the thousands she received: "It's a good thing you came in today. We only have two more in stock." "Five pounds is nothing on a person of your height." "You made it yourself? I never would have guessed." "Of course I'll respect you in the morning." "You don't look a day over 40." "Dad, I need to move out of the dorm into an apartment of my own so I can have some peace and quiet when I study." "It's delicious, but I can't eat another bite." "The new ownership won't affect you. The company will remain the same." "The puppy won't be any trouble, Mom. I promise I'll take care of it myself." "Your hair looks just fine." "Put away the map. I know exactly how to get there." "You don't need it in writing. You have my personal guarantee." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ >From Ed After booking my 80-year-old grandmother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her special needs. The representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision to the point of near blindness. My apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured me that everything would be taken care of. I thanked her profusely. "Oh, you're welcome," she replied. I was about to hang up when she cheerfully asked, "And will your grandmother need a rental car?" "How about a big ol garbage truck? She likes playing demolition derby." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Lauren Elizabeth Cutshaw, 32, Bluffton, South Carolina  Drunk driver tries to escape arrest by telling cops shes a clean, thoroughbred white girl  South Carolina police say a woman sped through a stop sign doing 60 mph and was slurring her words when she allegedly used her race as a reason she didn't belong in jail. Lauren Elizabeth Cutshaw, 32, was charged with a number of offenses, including drunken driving, speeding and marijuana possession, after an early Saturday traffic stop in Bluffton, South Carolina. Police say a Breathalyzer test showed Cutshaw's blood- alcohol level at 0.18 percent. A person is considered impaired if their BAC is .08 percent or higher, according to South Carolina law. During the course of the arrest, Cutshaw gave a number of reasons why she shouldn't be jailed, some of which were used as evidence of her intoxication, according to police records obtained by the Associated Press and the Island Packet. Among the statements Cutshaw made to police: She is a "very clean, thoroughbred, white girl." She was a cheerleader and in a sorority. Her partner is a police officer. She had good grades, was in the National Honor Society and graduated from a "high accredited university." At the police station, Cutshaw allegedly used her race and cleanliness as a reason she didn't belong in jail. An officer, who was also white, questioned why that would matter. Cutshaw reportedly replied, "You're a cop, you should know what that means." She also said the officer should know her meaning "based on the people that come in this room." A dashcam video of the arrest shows Cutshaw begging not to be jailed and calling herself a "pretty girl," according to the New York Post. In the video she also expressed worry that the arrest would "ruin her career. Cutshaw told police she drank two glasses of wine. When asked how full the glasses of wine were, she reportedly replied, "I mean I was celebrating my birthday." During the arrest, police say they also found marijuana and rolling papers in her car, and Cutshaw admitted she "may have" smoked earlier. The cops must have had a good laugh about the "Thoroughbred Bimbo". 
  From: Frieda Re: Empty subject mails  Dear Webby, What's the story with mails that arrive without a subject line? Years ago you showed me how to make a filter to dump them with Mailwasher, and that works fine on my work machine, but I am wondering if I also need that on my home machine. So far I just dumped those mails manually. Frieda   Dear Frieda "No Subject=No Intelligence" still holds true. You'll never see anything intelligent in an email that arrives without a subject, and you can use that filter as an IQ filter. If the senders don't have a positive IQ number, their mail won't waste your time. For those who want to know how to make that IQ filter, select "does not contain RegExpr" and put \w into the value field. The \w is a wildcard and stands for "any word character". That filter is kinda sneaky. If the subject line has only Chinese, Korean or Arab characters, then that mail gets marked for dumping too, since I won't read it anyway. Don't you pity the poor folks who don't have Mailwasher yet? Have FUN DearWebby  
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 COMPANY B of the 11th Airborne Division stationed in Germany was sent on a two-day march. The weather was cold and rainy, and the roads soon turned to mud. The battalion commander, a colonel, marched with the troops, first with one group and then another. On this moonless night, most of the men didn't recognize the colonel with his rain gear on and military insignia covered up. One miserable private leaned toward him and said, "Can you believe some idiots actually make a career out of this?" 
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 ONE DAY my son's fourth-grade class went on a field trip to the Woods Hole, Mass., Coast Guard station. As a young ensign guided the spirited nine- and ten-year-olds on the tour, a fellow guardsman came up, slapped the ensign on the back and said, "I see they finally gave you your own command." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Tea You can save money on tea by using the same tea bag twice. Just set the tea bag aside and use it for your next cup. It cuts the cost of your tea drinking habit in half.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
  
 
You never know what you might find when you start construction work or home renovation. 
 ___________________________________________________ JOB SEEKERS FROM THE PAST Julius Caesar: My last job involved a lot of office politics and back stabbing. I'd like to get away from all that. Jesse James: I can list among my experiences and skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of sescurity measures at numerous banks. Marie Antoinette: My management style has been criticzed, but I'd like to think of myself as a people person. Joseph Guillotin: I can give your company a head start on the competition. Hamlet: My position was eliminated in a hostsile takeover. Lucrezia Borgia: My greatest accomplishment? After I took over the department, our competition just seemed to drop out of sight one by one. Pandora: I can bring a lot to your company. I like discovering new things. Genghis Khan: My primary talent is downsizing. On my last job I downsized my staff, my organization, and the populations of several countries. Macbeth: Would I go after my boss's job? Do I look like the kind of guy who would knock of his boss for a promotion? Lady Godiva: What do you mean this isn't business casual? Elvis: My last boss and I...say, are you going to eat those fries? ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 "We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight or if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'" --- Elayne Boosler ____________________________________________________  
 Today, August 11 in 1860 The first successful silver mill in America began operations. The mill was in Virginia City, NV. 1874 A patent for the sprinkler head was given to Harry S. Parmelee. 1877 The two moons of Mars were discovered by Asaph Hall, an American astronomer. He named them Phobos and Deimos. 1896 Harvey Hubbell received a patent for the electric light bulb socket with a pull-chain switch. 1909 The American ship Arapahoe became the first to ever use the SOS distress signal off the coast of Cape Hatteras, NC. 1924 Newsreel pictures were taken of U.S. presidential candidates for the first time. 1934 Alcatraz, in San Francisco Bay, received federal prisoners for the first time. 1941 The Atlantic Charter was signed by U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt and British Prime Minister Winston Churchill. 1942 During World War II, Pierre Laval publicly announced "the hour of liberation for France is the hour when Germany wins the war." 1945 The Allies informed Japan that they would determine Emperor Hirohito's future status after Japan's surrender. 1951 The first major league baseball game to be televised in color was broadcast. The Brooklyn Dodgers defeated the Boston Braves 8-1. 1954 Seven years of fighting came to an end in Indochina. A formal peace was in place for the French and the Communist Vietminh. 1962 Andrian Nikolayev, of the Soviet Union, was launched on a 94-hour flight. He was the third Russian to go into space. 1965 The U.S. conducted a second launch of "Surveyor-SD 2" for a landing on the Moon surface test. 1975 The U.S. vetoed the proposed admission of North and South Vietnam to the United Nations. The Security Council had already refused to consider South Korea's application. 1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was preparing for his weekly radio broadcast when, during testing of the microphone, the President said of the Soviet Union, "My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you that I just signed legislation that would outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." 1990 Egyptian and Moroccan troops joined U.S. forces in Saudia Arabia to help protect from a possible Iraqi attack. 1991 The space shuttle Atlantis ended its nine-day journey by landing safely. 1992 In Bloomington, MN, the Mall of America opened. It was the largest shopping mall in the United States. 1994 A U.S. federal jury awarded $286.8 million to about 10,000 commercial fishermen for losses as a result of the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill. 1995 All U.S. nuclear tests were banned by President Clinton. 1997 U.S. President Clinton made the first use of the line- item veto approved by Congress, rejecting three items in spending and tax bills. 1998 British Petroleum became No. 3 among oil companies with the $49 billion purchase of Amoco. It was the largest foreign takeover of a U.S. company. 2002 US Airways announced that it had filed for bankruptcy. 2003 Charles Taylor, President of Liberia, flew into exile after ceding power to his vice president, Moses Blah. 2003 In Kabul, NATO took command of the 5,000-strong peacekeeping force in Afghanistan. 2018 Do smiled. 
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