Good Morning, Do, Today is Sunday, April 29 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Man jailed after giving middle finger to speed camera Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, April 29 in 1992 Rioting began after a jury decision to acquit four Los Angeles policemen in the Rodney King beating trial. 54 people were killed in 3 days. See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ When you come to a fork in the road, take it. --- Yogi Berra (1925 - ) If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there. --- Lewis Carroll (1832 - 1898) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Lola is on the phone, "Hello? Pizza Shack? Do you have anything on special?" From the other end of the line comes, "Yeah, our veggie haters delight. It has twelve kinds of meat and five different cheeses. Lola asks, "Does anything come with that?" "A coupon for the gym." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   In the next block, you say? _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float? The father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do fish breath underwater?" Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?" Again, the father repied. "Don't rightly know son." Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?" The father repied, "Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'." _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Timothy Hill, 67, North Yorkshire, England  Man Jailed After Flipping Off Traffic Camera While Using Laser Jammer  A driver who flipped the bird at a traffic camera is about to be a jailbird. A court in England has sentenced Timothy Hill, 67, to eight months in prison after he was caught using an illegal laser jammer to avoid speeding tickets. While investigating him for the infraction, the 67-year-old was spotted behind the wheel of his Range Rover while giving the middle finger to mobile traffic cameras on three separate occasions, SWNS reports. If you want to attract our attention, repeatedly gesturing at police camera vans with your middle finger while you're driving a distinctive car fitted with a laser jammer is an excellent way to do it, the head of traffic enforcement for North Yorkshire said after the sentencing. Hill initially denied the accusations against him, but later fessed up after admitting he'd thrown the device into a river in an attempt to avoid prosecution. He pleaded guilty to perverting the course of justice, but wasn't charged with speeding since the jammer prevented police from determining how fast he was driving.  
 Tech Support Pits From: George Re: MailWasher and Gmail  Dear Webby, How would MailWasher work on the web based email programs like gmail? Also, can you tell me anything about how to transfer audio tapes to MP3s? I have some Books on Tape that I want on the computer. George  Dear George Yes you can: In GMail: Click Settings > Forwarding and POP > POP Download > Check Enable POP only for mail that arrives from now on. Go to: When messages are accessed with POP and choose Delete Gmails copy. Click Save changes. In MailWasher Pro: Click Tools > Accounts > Add > select POP3 > click OK. Enter a name reference for your account and click Next. Enter pop.gmail.com in the POP3 server address field. Enter your full GMail email address in the User Name field. Enter your GMail password in the Password field. Click Advanced Account Options. Check the box next to This server requires a secure connection (SSL) under Incoming Mail (POP3). The port will change to 995. Click OK. Click OK. Click Close. To convert analog tapes to digital data, you need to play them, and record them digitally. The rude and crude way for that is to lay your computer microphone on top of your tape player's speaker, and use a program like Audacity to record it and save it as MP3 or MP4. If your tape player has a head set socket, you can connect a patch cord (male on both ends) from there to the AUX IN socket on your computer. (The blue one) That way you eliminate outside noises and get a much cleaner recording. Most recorder programs have at least some basic equalizer and filter functions that allow you to clip the crackle and pop which is quite common on tape recordings, and you wind up with better quality than you started out with. Same as with a tape recorder, you can patch other devices to the AUX IN, like for example a record player, CD player, radio and even electronic instruments. Have FUN DearWebby    Groan Alert! There once was a church meeting where the topic was "Burial or Cremation?" Two of the people got rather worked up. One said to the other, If you have yourself cremated, all you will be doing is making an ash of yourself!" The other replied, "Well, I'm told that petroleum comes from fossilized old bones, so if you have yourself buried,all you will be doing . . . is making a fuel of yourself!" 
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 God and Men's Sex Lives When the good Lord was making the world, he called Man aside and bestowed upon him 20 years of normal sex life. Man was horrified, but the Creator refused to budge. Then the Lord called the Monkey and gave him 20 years. "But I don't need 20 years," said the Monkey. "Ten years is plenty." "May I have the other 10 years?" asked Man. The Monkey agreed. The Lord called the Lion next and also gave him 20 good years. The Lion also only wanted 10, so again Man asked for the remaining ten. Then came the Donkey, who was also granted 20 years. Like the others, 10 was more than enough. Man again asked for the spare ten years and got them. This explains why Man has 20 years of normal sex life, 10 years of monkeying around, 10 years of lion 'bout it, and 10 years of making an ass out of himself. 
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 A man bought several acres of wasteland and within a year, turned it into a thriving produce farm. The local pastor stopped by and complimented the man on his vast progress. Then he added, "Wondrous things can surely happen when man and God work together." "Amen," said the man, "but you should've seen the place when God was running it alone." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shampoo for Ring Around the Collar The easiest way to get rid of ring around the collar is to use shampoo. Just use a small paintbrush and paint it on the stains before washing. By Dee  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  New Yorkers are a breed apart. A man was mugged but had no cash. Afraid he'd be hurt, he offered to write the guy a check. The mugger said dumbfounded, "A check? Why would I take a check from you? I don't even know you!"  
The Shirk Report 
 ___________________________________________________ Breaking Up Is Hard To Do... (especially when you share the same major!) PSYCHOLOGY Girl accuses guy of just using her as a substitute for his Mother. SOCIOLOGY Each claims to have been oppressed in the relationship. ARCHAEOLOGY One tries to bury the past, and accuses the other of trying to dig it up. THEATRE "OH! Life is... ENDED... as we KNOW it!" BIOLOGY "You just wanted to get in my genes!" PHYSICS Both resign themselves to the fact that what goes up must come down. JOURNALISM "Today was the end of an era. Jack, 19, and Jill, 18, called an end to their relationship of 2 weeks..." WOMEN'S STUDIES "HE did it!" BUSINESS Both decide that they're spending way too much money together, and that it's simply cheaper to be single. HISTORY Each party argues the breakup was caused by something the other party did in the past. GEOGRAPHY Both people decide to simply move far away to avoid each other. ANATOMY "I never liked your body anyway." ECONOMICS One party demands more than the other can supply. ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, April 29 in 1289 Qala'un, the Sultan of Egypt, captured Tripoli. 1429 Joan of Arc led Orleans, France, to victory over Britain. 1661 The Chinese Ming dynasty occupied Taiwan. 1672 King Louis XIV of France invaded the Netherlands. 1813 Rubber was patented by J.F. Hummel. 1852 The first edition of Peter Roget's Thesaurus was published. 1858 Austrian troops invaded Piedmont. 1862 New Orleans fell to Union forces during the Civil War. 1879 In Cleveland, OH, electric arc lights were used for the first time. 1913 Gideon Sundback patented an all-purpose zipper. 1916 Irish nationalists surrendered to British authorities in Dublin. 1918 Germany's Western Front offensive ended in World War I. 1924 An open revolt broke out in Santa Clara, Cuba. 1927 Construction of the Spirit of St. Louis was completed for Lindbergh. 1941 The Boston Bees agreed to change their name to the Braves. 1945 The German Army in Italy surrendered unconditionally to the Allies. 1945 In a bunker in Berlin, Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun were married. Hitler designated Admiral Karl Doenitz his successor. 1945 The Nazi death camp, Dachau, was liberated. 1946 Twenty-eight former Japanese leaders were indicted in Tokyo as war criminals. 1952 IBM President Thomas J. Watson, Jr., informed his company's stockholders that IBM was building "the most advanced, most flexible high-speed computer in the world." The computer was unveiled April 7, 1953, as the IBM 701 Electronic Data Processing Machine. 1974 U.S. President Nixon announced he was releasing edited transcripts of secretly made White House tape recordings related to the Watergate scandal. 1975 The U.S. embassy in Vietnam was evacuated as North Vietnamese forces fought their way into Saigon. 1984 In California, the Diablo Canyon nuclear reactor went online after a long delay due to protests. 1990 The destruction of the Berlin Wall began. 1992 Exxon executive Sidney Reso was kidnapped outside his Morris Township, NJ, home by Arthur Seale. Seale was a former Exxon security official. Reso died while in captivity. 1992 Rioting began after a jury decision to acquit four Los Angeles policemen in the Rodney King beating trial. 54 people were killed in 3 days. 1994 Israel and the PLO signed an agreement in Paris which granted Palestinians broad authority to set taxes, control trade and regulate banks under self-rule in the Gaza Strip and Jericho. 1997 Staff Sgt. Delmar Simpson, a drill instructor at Aberdeen Proving Ground in Maryland, was convicted of raping six female trainees. He was sentenced to 25 years in prison and was dishonorably discharged. 1997 Astronaut Jerry Linenger and cosmonaut Vasily Tsibliyev went on the first U.S.-Russian space walk. 1998 The U.S., Canada and Mexico end tariffs on $1 billion in NAFTA trade. 1998 Brazil announced a plan to protect a large area of Amazon forest. The area was about the size of Colorado. 2003 Mr. T (Laurence Tureaud) filed a lawsuit against Best Buy Co. Inc., that claimed the store did not have permission to use his likeness in a print ad. 2009 NATO expelled two Russian diplomats from NATO headquarters in Brussels over a spy scandal in Estonia. Russia's Foreign Ministry criticized the expulsions. 2015 The White Sox beat the Baltimore Orioles 8-2 at Camden Yards. The game was played without a crowd present due to the ongoing riots and protests in Baltimore. This was the first time a Major League Baseball game was played in front of an empty house. 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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