Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, April 26 ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Pedestrian killed by drunk driver who left license plate behind near Selma __________________________________________________ On April 26 in 1986, The worlds worst nuclear disaster to date occurred at Chernobyl, at that time part of the USSR, when Russian technicians pulled all control rods. Thirty-one people died in the incident and thousands more were exposed to radioactive material. _____________________________________________________ I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses. --- Victor Hugo (1802 - 1885) I won't take my religion from any man who never works except with his mouth. --- Carl Sandburg (1878 - 1967) "Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." --- John F. Kennedy ____________________________________________________ A realty salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?" "Money back? Are you crazy???" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A knight and his men return to their castle after a hard month of riding. "How are we faring?" his king asks. "Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west." "What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!" "Oh." replies the knight. "Well, you do now." ____________________________________________________   Doug McQueen, AB High Five from a male Mountain Bluebird ___________________________________________________ Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender. ____________________________________________________ Pat puts a book on the librarian's desk and says, "This book has no story and way too many characters." The librarian says, "Thanks for bringing the phone book back!" ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Pedro Epigmeneo Cortez, 57, Selma, California, USA  Pedestrian killed by drunk driver who left license plate behind near Selma  A 58-year-old man walking on Rose Avenue near Selma was killed Friday night by a drunk driver. The man was walking westbound west of Highland Avenue at around 10:30 p.m. when he was hit by a Nissan Versa, California Highway Patrol officers said. Epigmeneo Cortez-Pedro, 57, of Selma, was driving the car, heading east on Rose Avenue when he drove into the westbound lane and struck and killed the man, according to the CHP. The pedestrian was pronounced dead at the scene. Officers said Cortez-Pedro drove away from the scene without checking on the man or calling for help. His front bumper, including the license plate, came off in the crash and was left behind. Officers followed a fluid trail from the car and found it behind a home about a quarter mile from the crash site. They found Cortez-Pedro at his home. He was arrested on suspicion of felony driving under the influence, felony gross vehicular manslaughter, and felony hit and run causing great bodily injury. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Helen Re: Mailwasher getting slower Dear Webby, I use the MailWasher like you suggested for cleaning the spam out of my mail before downloading it. I love it, but lately it has gotten slower and slower and I am getting concerned. Should I worry ? Helen P.  Dear Helen, every day you have been adding more and more addresses to your black-list. It might be a good idea to go through that now and then and dump those that you don't remember seeing in connection with spam recently. Most spammers sooner or later realize that everybody just considers them a nuisance and buys the same things from ANY competitor of them who does not spam. So they stop spamming you and go away. Also, many spammers fake a different address every day, hoping they won't get caught so fast. There is no need to have thousands of only once used fake addresses in the black-list. You can accomplish a lot more by making filters that look at the subject line or body. The same applies if you use your mail program to clean your mail. Eudora has always had the best filters since the early 90's and a few other mail programs are getting quite good too. The main drawback there is that with all of those mail programs you have to first download ALL the mail, including the spam and the viruses. Spam cleaners like the MailWasher do their work and get rid of the garbage before you download the mail. It seems to be quite safe to just dump the entire blacklist. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced a soccer enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square that has only room for one letter ?" ______________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________ Two young men are speculating on how long they might live, and one says he thinks he has a long life ahead of him. "After all," he says, "my grandfather lived to be 99." "Ninety-nine? What finally got him?" the other man asks. "Liquor and women." "Well, that just goes to show you," snickers the friend, "both will get you in the end." "Well actually, no, it's not what you think," says the first man. "Toward the end, Grandpa couldn't get either one, so he just laid down and died." ______________________________________________ Two highway patrolmen stop a driver for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they are writing up the ticket, one trooper turns to the other and asks, "How do you spell Waxahachie?" The other one replies, "I don't know." "What are we going to do?" the first one asks. "If we spell it wrong, the judge will dismiss the charge." "Well," says his partner, "why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Waco?" ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A man with a heart condition inherits a million dollars. His family, concerned that the shock might trigger a heart attack, asks his minister to tell him about the windfall. The minister goes to the man's house and, after pleasantries, asks him, "What would you do if you inherited a million dollars?" "Well, pastor," the man says, "I think I would give half of it to your church." At that, the pastor keels over dead. ___________________________________________________  
 Today, April 26, in 1478, Pazzi conspirators attacked Lorenzo and killed Giuliano de'Medici. 1514, Copernicus made his first observations of Saturn. 1607, The British established an American colony at Cape Henry, Virginia. It was the first permanent English establishment in the Western Hemisphere. 1819, The first Odd Fellows lodge in the U.S. was established in Baltimore, MD. 1865, Joseph E. Johnston surrendered the Army of Tennessee to Sherman during the American Civil War. 1865, John Wilkes Booth was killed by the U.S. Federal Cavalry. 1906, In Hawaii, motion pictures were shown for the first time. 1921, Weather broadcasts were heard for the first time on radio in St. Louis, MO. 1929, First non-stop flight from England to India was completed. 1931, NBC premiered "Lum and Abner." It was on the air for 24 years. 1937, German planes attacked Guernica, Spain, during the Spanish Civil War for the Spanish nationalist government. This raid is considered one of the first to be attacks on a civilian population by a modern air force. 1941, An organ was played at a baseball stadium for the first time in Chicago, IL. 1945, Marshal Henri Philippe Petain, the head of France's Vichy government during World War II, was arrested. 1952, Patty Berg set a new record for major womens golf competition when she shot a 64 over 18 holes in a tournament in Richmond, CA. 1964, The African nations of Tanganyika and Zanzibar merged to form Tanzania. 1968, Students seized the administration building at Ohio State University. 1982, The British announced that Argentina had surrendered on South Georgia. 1985, In Argentina, a fire at a mental hospital killed 79 people and injured 247. 1986, The worlds worst nuclear disaster to date occurred at Chernobyl, at that time part of the USSR, when Russian technicians pulled all control rods. Thirty-one people died in the incident and thousands more were exposed to radioactive material. 1998, Auxiliary Bishop Juan Gerardi Conedera was bludgeoned to death two days after a report he'd compiled on atrocities during Guatemala's 36-year civil war was made public. 2000, Charles Wang and Sanjay Kumar purchased the NHL's New York Islanders. 2002, In Erfurt, Germany, an expelled student killed 17 people at his former school. The student then killed himself. 2022 Do smiled. 

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