Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, April 15  ______________________________________________________ Today, April 15 in 1923 Insulin became generally available for people suffering with diabetes. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Texas Woman asked husband if she was pretty, assaulted him when he didn't reply  ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough --- Mario Andretti (1940 - ) _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Show me a man with both feet planted firmly on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't put his pants on. ______________________________________________________`   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor:  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Lizeth Guadalupe Ramirez, 20, Laredo, Texas  Woman asked husband if she was pretty, assaulted him when he didn't reply  A Laredo woman reportedly didn't appreciate her common-law husband's lack of response when she asked him if she was pretty, causing her to assault him, according to the Laredo Morning Times. Police said 20-year-old Lizeth Guadalupe Ramirez told them her common-law husband assaulted and tried to strangle her, but her husband had a different story. The man said he and Ramirez were seeing a movie when she asked him if she was pretty. He said he did not hear the question, but his lack of response irritated Ramirez. Ramirez then reportedly hit the man several times on their way home before assaulting a relative who tried to break up the fight at the house. She has been charged with two counts of assault.  
 From: Bianca Re:Mail Washer becoming slower  Dear DearWebby My Mailwasher seems to be getting slower and slower, to the point where I sometimes worry that it is stuck. How do I fix that? Bianca  Dear Bianca Most likely you have accumulated a HUGE blacklist. Since the spammers just keep forging new addresses, the blacklist has become pretty well useless, except for some very persistent spammers. Bring up the Filters Side Bar (CTRL F7) Options Checkmark "Expire unused email addresss from blacklistlist Set the number of days to 2 to prune the blacklist, then in a few days move it up to 5. In two days your Mailwasher will be nice and fast again. Have FUN! DearWebby  
  Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 A young boy comes running down the street looking for a cop. He finds one and then begs, "Please, officer, come back to the bar with me, my father's in a fight." Well, they get back to the bar and there's three guys fighting like you wouldn't believe. After a while the cop turns to the kid and says, "Okay, which one's your father?" The kid looks up at the cop and says, "I don't know officer, that's what they're fighting about." 
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 Talking about athelics... thanks to Gayle for this one: Why Athletes Can't (Shouldn't) Have Real Jobs 1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me." 2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first." 3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl, "Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win,I'd run over Joe's Mom, too." 4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." 5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." 6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." 7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle." 8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton." 9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes." 10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." 11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." 12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach,I don't know and I don't care.'" 13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject." 14. Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good- bye." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Additional Warranties at Checkout At checkout at electronic or home improvement stores, the clerk will always offer you an additional warranty. Only buy products that have good warranties in the first place, and say "No" when a checker offers you an impulse warranty on electronics. Also, your credit card may offer extended warranties on purchased items already. Thriftyfun.com   ____________________________________________________   
  
Historical colorized pictures show Native Americans at the White House for citizenship in the 1920's. 
 ___________________________________________________ "Doctor, My husband thinks he is a chicken." "Oh no - how long has this been going on?" "About a year!" "A year! Why did you wait so long to come see me?" "Well, we needed the eggs." ___________________________________________________ Leroy goes to the revival and listens to the preacher. After awhile, the preacher asks anyone with needs to be prayed over to come forward to the front of the altar. Leroy gets in line and when it's his turn, the preacher asks, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?" Leroy replies, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing." The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays. After a few minutes, the preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?" "Leroy says, "I don't know, It's not until next Wednesday." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 The pastor of a small church exhorted his flock to give generously when the collection plate was passed. "give," he pleaded, "as though it were going right back into you own pocket." After the service, the pastor chided one of the members: "George, I noticed that you let the collection plate go right by you in spite of my appeal." "Well, Reverend," the man replied, "I figured as long as the money was going back into my pocket anyway, it didn't need no round trip." ___________________________________________________  
 Today April 15 in 1784 The first balloon was flown in Ireland. 1813 U.S. troops under James Wilkinson attacked the Spanish-held city of Mobile that would be in the future state of Alabama. 1817 The first American school for the deaf was opened in Hartford, CT. 1850 The city of San Francisco was incorporated. 1858 At the Battle of Azimghur, the Mexicans defeated Spanish loyalists. 1861 U.S. President Lincoln mobilized the Federal army. 1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln died from injuries inflicted by John Wilkes Booth. 1871 "Wild Bill" Hickok became the marshal of Abilene, Kansas. 1892 The General Electric Company was organized. 1899 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Portland Cement Company. 1912 The ocean liner Titanic sank in the North Atlantic after hitting an iceberg the evening before. 1,517 people died and more than 700 people survived. 1917 The British defeated the Germans at the battle of Arras. 1923 Insulin became generally available for people suffering with diabetes. 1934 In the comic strip "Blondie," Dagwood and Blondie Bumstead welcomed a baby boy, Alexander. The child would be nicknamed, Baby Dumpling. 1940 French and British troops landed at Narvik, Norway. 1945 During World War II, British and Canadian troops liberated the Nazi concentration camp Bergen-Belsen. 1948 The Arabs were defeated in the first Jewish-Arab battle. 1951 The first episode of the "Adventures of Wild Bill Hickok" radio show aired. 1952 U.S. President Harry Truman signed the official Japanese peace treaty. 1952 The first B-52 prototype was tested in the air. 1953 In Buenos Aires, six people were killed by a bomb at a rally addressed by President Peron. 1953 Pope Pius XII gave his approval of psychoanalysis but warned of possible abuses. 1953 Charlie Chaplin surrendered his U.S. re-entry permit rather than face proceedings by the U.S. Justice Department. Chaplin was accused of sympathizing with Communist groups. 1956 The worlds' first, all-color TV station was dedicated. It was WNBQ-TV in Chicago and is now WMAQ-TV. 1956 General Motors announced that the first free piston automobile had been developed. (Revival of the pre-steam Stirling Engine) 1959 Cuban leader Fidel Castro began a U.S. goodwill tour. 1967 Richard Speck was found guilty of murdering eight student nurses. 1983 In Urayasu, Chiba, Japan, the Tokyo Disneyland themepark opened. 1984 Ten members of a family were found murdered in their home in New York City. An infant was found crawling among the corpses. 1986 U.S. F-111 warplanes attacked Libya in response to the bombing of a discotheque in Berlin on April 5, 1986. 1989 Students in Beijing launched a series of pro democracy protests upon the death of former Communist Party leader Hu Yaobang. The protests led to the Tienanmen Square massacre. 1989 In Sheffield, England, 96 people were killed and hundreds were injured at a soccer game at Hillsborough Stadium when a crowd surged into an overcrowded standing area. Ninety-four died on the day of the incident and two more later died from their injuries. 1998 Pol Pot died at the age of 73. The leader of the Khmer Rouge regime thereby evaded prosecution for the deaths of 2 million Cambodians. 1999 In Algeria, former Foreign Minister Abdelaziz Bouteflika was elected president. All of the opposition candidates claimed that the vote was fraudulent and withdrew from the election. 1999 In Rawalpindi, Pakistan, a panel of two Lahore High Court judges convicted former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto and her husband, Asif Ali Zardari, of corruption. 2000 600 anti-IMF (International Monetary Fund) protesters were arrested in Washington, DC, for demonstrating without a permit. 2010 In Prospect Harbor, ME, the Stinson Seafood plant stopped sardine processing after 135 years in operation. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

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