Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, June 19 ____________________________________________________ History: today, June 19 in 1912, The U.S. government established the 8-hour work day ___________________________________________ Bonehead 500,000 fentanyl pills seized in Phoenix ___________________________________________________ Q The coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave man...only five hundred. --- Meredith Willson Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. --- Fran Lebowitz (1950 - ) ____________________________________________________ As soon as she had finished convent school, a bright young girl named Lena shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New York where before long, she became a successful performer in show business. Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday night went to confession in the church which she had always attended as a child. In the confessional, Father Sullivan recognized her, and began asking her about her work. She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer and he wanted to know what that meant. She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she did on stage. She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings, and back flips. Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged ladies. They witnessed Lena's acrobatics with wide eyes and one said to the other, "Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out this night, and me without me knickers on!" ___________________________________________________ Metric System Conversion Hints for Americans 1 nanosecond = the time between when you tell a child "no" and when he/she does it again 1 Milli-second = time elapsed after the recorded audio track plays and before the singers move their lips at a "live" concert 467 grams = what 2 grams of Haagen-Dazs will register on your bathroom scale 1 centimeter = the distance Joan Rivers' eyebrows move up each year 1 Molson = 2 Budweisers 1.5 meters = the circumference around Anna Nicole's chest -- or her waist 1 femtosecond = the time it takes a feminist to react to being called a "gal at the office" 28 grams = start flushing if there's a loud knock on the door 1 kilogram = the mass of the contents of your underpants the minute we go to terror threat condition red 14 Renaults = 1 Chevy Silverado 10,000 milligrams = the amount of sodium pentothal required to fell a rampaging Limbaugh 1 tonne = 1 regular ton + 16 kilograms of European attitude 1 liter = amount of gasoline purchased with a single unemployment check 600 meters = the distance between any two Starbucks franchises 1 hookernight = 1 kilodollar ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ___________________________________________________  Din-Din! ___________________________________________________ WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)." HUSBAND: (makes audible groan). WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?" HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." WIFE: - - - silence - - - HUSBAND: "Shit." ________________________________________________ One of the women with whom I work, Donna, has a son in 3rd grade. Part of his daily homework is to practice his spelling for his weekly tests. So together, Donna and her son go over the words for the test, both meaning and spelling of the words. A few weeks ago, her son brought home his test. He scored 97%, missing only one word. The word was "clock." Part of the test was to use each spelling list word in a sentence. His sentence? "My dad gave my mom a clock for her birthday" - only it seems he'd accidentally omitted the letter "L". Donna said there was no comment on the test, just the biggest check mark she had ever seen. ___________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock  Angel Ornelas, 18, Javier Luque Sandoval, 26, Phoenix, Arixona, USA 500,000 fentanyl pills seized in Phoenix Phoenix Police announced the seizure of half a million fentanyl pills thanks to the department's "immensely successful" Operation Summer Shield. The Phoenix Police Department announced the results of a multi-agency operation targeting violent offenders in the city on June 15. Operation Summer Shield ended in the arrests of over 580 people, police said, including wanted fugitives, homicide suspects, and convicted felons wanted for recent shootings. In this case, police say more than 500,000 fentanyl pills, 3.5 pounds of meth and a gun were seized after a car was pulled over. A video posted to Twitter on June 17 shows authorities taking a cooler out of a home and opening it to find clear bags full of drugs. Two people were arrested in connection to this incident, police said. They are 18-year-old Angel Ornelas and 26-year- old Javier Luque Sandoval. Officers assigned to Operation Summer Shield pulled over a car which led to a drug bust. Two men were booked on multiple felonies. Phoenix crime crackdown ends in over 580 arrests. ___________________________________________________ One of the women with whom I work, Donna, has a son in 3rd grade. Part of his daily homework is to practice his spelling for his weekly tests. So together, Donna and her son go over the words for the test, both meaning and spelling of the words. A few weeks ago, her son brought home his test. He scored 97%, missing only one word. The word was "clock." Part of the test was to use each spelling list word in a sentence. His sentence? "My dad gave my mom a clock for her birthday" - only it seems he'd accidentally omitted the letter "L". Donna said there was no comment on the test, just the biggest check mark she had ever seen. ___________________________________________________ One night at the dinner table, Jill commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any more..." "Nonsense, darling," replied John, "you just cook better now." ___________________________________________________  Shirley Otway Northern Hawk Owl Kananaskis ___________________________________________________ On their 30th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage. The husband said, "I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there is no "I" in 'marriage.'" The wife said, "And for my part, I have never corrected my husband's spelling." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Daniella RE: Make icons stay put Dear Webby, I KNOW you have told us a dozen times already, but I got Oldtimers disease worse than Joe Who. How do I make icons stay where I have put thme, without Windoze moving them aound? Thanks Daniella Dear Daniella Right-click on the desktop VIEW make sure auto-arrange is NOT checkmarked. make sure align icons to grid is NOT checkmarked Then go into SORT BY and make sure NOTHING is checkmarked. That is all there is to it. Hidden right under your pretty nose. They still have not found the dopey idjit, who decided to randomize icon placement, whne you are not looking. Have FUN! DearWebby __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today June 19, in 0240 BC, Eratosthenes estimated the circumference of the Earth using two sticks. He was acurate! 1586, English colonists sailed away from Roanoke Island, NC, after failing to establish England's first permanent settlement in America. 1778, U.S. General George Washington's troops finally left Valley Forge after a winter of training. 1821, The Ottomans defeated the Greeks at the Battle of Dragasani. 1846, The New York Knickerbocker Club played the New York Club in the first baseball game at the Elysian Field, Hoboken, NJ. It was the first organized baseball game. 1862, U.S. President Abraham Lincoln outlined his Emancipation Proclamation, which outlawed slavery in U.S. territories. 1864, The USS Kearsarge sank the CSS Alabama off of Cherbourg, France. 1865, The emancipation of slaves was proclaimed in Texas. 1873, Eadweard Muybridge successfully photographed a horse named "Sallie Gardner" in fast motion using a series of 24 stereoscopic cameras. This is considered the first step toward motion pictures. 1903, The young school teacher, Benito Mussolini, was placed under investigation by police in Bern, Switzerland. 1910, The first Father's Day was celebrated in Spokane, Washington. 1911, In Pennsylvania, the first motion-picture censorship board was established. 1912, The U.S. government established the 8-hour work day. 1917, During World War I, King George V ordered the British royal family to dispense with German titles and surnames. 1933, France granted Leon Trotsky political asylum. 1934, The U.S. National Archives and Records Administration was established. 1934, The U.S. Congress established the Federal Communications Commission (FCC). The commission was to regulate radio and TV broadcasting (later). 1937, The town of Bilbao, Spain, fell to the Nationalist forces. 1939, In Atlanta, GA, legislation was enacted that disallowed pinball machines in the city. 1942, Norma Jeane Mortenson (Marilyn Monroe) and her 21-year- old neighbor Jimmy Dougherty were married. They were divorced in June of 1946. 1942, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill arrived in Washington, DC, to discuss the invasion of North Africa with U.S. President Roosevelt. 1943, Henry Kissinger became a naturalized United States citizen. 1944, The U.S. won the battle of the Philippine Sea against the Imperial Japanese fleet. 1951, U.S. President Harry S. Truman signed the Universal Military Training and Service Act, which extended Selective Service until July 1, 1955 and lowered the draft age to 18. 1958, In Washington, DC, nine entertainers refused to answer a congressional committee's questions on communism. 1961, Kuwait regained complete independence from Britain. 1961, The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a provision in Maryland's constitution that required state officeholders to profess a belief in God. 1964, The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was approved after surviving an 83-day filibuster in the U.S. Senate. 1965, Air Marshall Nguyen Cao Ky became South Vietnam's youngest premier at age 34. 1968, 50,000 people marched on Washington, DC. to support the Poor People's Campaign. 1973, The Case-Church Amendment prevented further U.S. involvement in Southeast Asia. 1973, Pete Rose (Cincinnati Reds) got his 2,000th career hit. 1973, The stage production of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" opened in London. 1973, Gordie Howe left the NHL to join his sons Mark and Marty in the WHA (World Hockey League). 1978, Garfield was in newspapers around the U.S. for the first time. 1981, "Superman II" set the all-time, one-day record for theater box-office receipts when it took in $5.5 million. 1981, The European Space Agency sent two satellites into orbit from Kourou, French Guiana. 1983, Lixian-nian was chosen to be China's first president since 1969. 1987, The U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Louisiana law that required that schools teach creationism. 1989, The movie "Batman" premiered. 1997, William Hague became the youngest leader of Britain's Conservative party in nearly 200 years. 1998, Gateway was fined more than $400,000 for illegally shipping personal computers to 16 countries subject to U.S. export controls. 1998, A study released said that smoking more than doubles risks of developing dementia and Alzheimer's. 1998, Switzerland's three largest banks offered $600 million to settle claims they'd stolen the assets of Holocaust victims during World War II. Jewish leaders called the offer insultingly low. 1999, Stephen King was struck from behind by a mini-van while walking along a road in Maine. 1999, The Dallas Stars won their first NHL Stanley Cup by defeating the Buffalo Sabres in the third overtime of game six. 2000, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a group prayer led by students at public-school football games violated the 1st Amendment's principle that called for the separation of church and state. 2023, Do smiled.
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