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 Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, November 4, 2020 Thank you, Donnie !!! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Chicago cop killer gets life says he was the victim _____________________________________________________ Today, November 4 in 1979 Iranian militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran and took 63 Americans hostage (90 total hostages). The militants, mostly students, demanded that the U.S. send the former shah back to Iran to stand trial. Many hostages were later released, but 52 were held for the next 14 months. _____________________________________________________ Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons. --- Will Cuppy _____________________________________________________ Subject: Not Humor, Serious Stuff I read your message about disabling Windows in your Humor letter (which I also enjoy). But have a question. Should I disable windows NOW, or wait until I get a virus? And what e-mail programs shouldn't I be subscribed to? Is your humor one safe? Thanks for the help. Jill _____________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ You Might be a Democrat if: You feel Fidelity means not cheating on your mistress. You cry every May 4th over the four people killed at Kent State, but have never been to the Vietnam Memorial, You think those stupid ribbons actually accomplish something, You think a mother has a right to kill an innocent 5 month fetus because her pregnancy would interfere with her career, but feel we shouldn't put to death the man who raped and murdered 14 women, You feel that being convicted of treason is an infringement on your first amendment rights, You honestly feel that alcoholics deserve social security disability benefits, You outwardly said "I would have voted for Elizabeth Dole" knowing darn well you wouldn't have because she is a Republican, You think it is ok for a Democrat President to commit perjury on his sex life, but criticize Dan Quayle for spelling potato/potatoe wrong, You stood on a soapbox demanding that Anita Hill be heard, but want Paula Jones' accusations to be swept under the rug, You think the guy who drops out of High School and builds your jeep deserves more money than the doctor who went to college for 10 years and saves your kids life, You sang along to "Give Peace a Chance" during the Gulf War, You've filed for unemployment within two weeks of getting out of high school. __________________________________________________  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Shomari Legghette, 47, Chicago, Illinois, USA 
 Chicago cop killer gets life says he was the victim 
 A man convicted of murdering a Chicago police commander in 2018 was sentenced to life in prison Wednesday. Shomari Legghette, 47, recieved a mandatory life term for the fatal February 2018 shooting of Cmdr. Paul Bauer, 53, because he was convicted of killing a police officer in the line of duty. Despite statements made by the victim's widow and daughter minutes before his sentencing, Legghette didnt apologize for the crime, reports said. Instead, he argued the trial wasn't fair and suggested he was a victim. There was nothing fair about this prosecution, Legghette said, according to the Chicago Sun-Times. The shooting occurred after Bauer heard a radio call that a man was running from officers as he was walking to City Hall on Feb. 13, 2018, authorities have said. The police commander chased and caught Legghette before they both fell down a stairwell during a struggle. Legghette then shot Beuer several times, authorities have said. Before the fatal shooting, plainclothes officers saw Legghette urinating on a support column. When an officer called out, he took off running, according to court testimony. Prosecutors described Legghette as a human crime wave on the day of the shooting. They said he was wearing illegal body armor, carrying a gun with an extended clip, as well as an ice pick-type weapon. Legghette also had drugs on him, they said. He knew he was going back to prison and that it was going to be a long stay based on his record, Assistant State's Attorney John Maher added.  
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Leona RE: HELP! GMAIL IS FULL!   Dear Webby, My Gmail is full and locked! Probably all that electioneering crap with videos with political know-it-alls blatering about their politicians, which I never watch anyway. How do I dump enough of that crap without losing good stuff? Leona  Dear Leona There is a top secret, "undocumented" trick: size They don't want the unwashed masses and real workers to know about that, they want you to buy extra space, so they reserve that for the tens of thousands of college kids employed by Google. Well, rather than pay back the money borowed during seven years of beer and dope at college, one of them told the secret to her mother. Go up to the search bar, and type: size:10MB That will list all the stuff that is over 10 MB in size. Click the select-all square at the left top, then hit DELETE. They are gone. Well, almost. Gmail does not let go of political crap THAT easily! That stuff has just been moved to TRASH. Select TRASH on the left, and there, on top of all that, you have the option to dump all the trash. Also dump all the spam. Now scoot all the way down and see the size number. 1.7 GB used out of the allowed 15 GB YeeHaaaw! That deserves a GOOD coffee! Have FUN! DearWebby 
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 Have you heard about the latest diet craze? You're allowed to eat anything you like, but only in the presence of naked fat people! ____________________________________________ >From Connie How to talk native SOUTHERN in one easy lesson Aig - what a hen lays Aints - He's got aints in his paints Paints - what cha put on your laigs of a mornin Arn - Ma's tard of arnin Bag - He bagged her to marry him Bobbed - A bobbed wire fence Bresh - He had a bresh with the law, and the law won. Bub - the light bub burned out Cheer - what you set in Crick - a small stream Clum - he sure clum that tree fastern any 'coon Chiny - country over in Asia Chuch duds - Sunday go-to-meetin clothes Core - He got hisself a new Ford core Cyow - Animal on Farm Deppity - He helps out the shurf Dribbed - He dribbed milk on his shirt Dainz - Satidy night social Ellum - A graceful tree Fanger - what you put your rang on Faince - Whats round the hawg lot Far - what get the brandin arn hot Furred - He got furred from his job Flar - a rose is a purdy flar Frash - them aigs ain't frash Furiners - All non-'bamans Further - hits ten miles further to town Grain - She was grain with envy Hail - where bad folks go Hep - Poor George, he can't hep it, he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Hern - It aint hern, it's his'n Hilbilly - People in the next county Hollar - whats between the hills Hard- got a brend new hard hand Tar - his core blew a tar Laymun - a sour fruit Laig - Most folks have two of them Lather - what you climb up Liberry - where you go to check out books for larnin Mailk - what you get from cyows Mere - what you see your self in Minners - Live bait Misrus - Married Woman Nar - Opposite of wide Nayk - Your head sets on it Nup - NO Orrel - Them hinges need orrel Ormy - What the sojers go in Pank - a light red color Parch - sit out on the parch and watch the grass grow Petition - What separate the rooms Poke - a paper bag or sack Pokey - what the shurf and deppity puts crimnals in Poke Salit -a green vegetable Puppet - what the preacher is in Purdy - She is purdy as a pitcher Purt near - almost; he purt near caught that greased pig Rang - you wear it on your fanger Rut - that there tree sure has long ruts Rah cheer - I was born rah cheer in town Rainch - A big cow farm Rat - Do it rat now! Rench - rench the soap yourself Roont - She plum roont her shoes Salary - A stringy vegetable Soardeens - small canned fish Shar - A light rain Gully Worsher - a medium heavy rain Toad strangler - A heavy rain Sody Pop - a soft drink Sprang - Water out'n the ground Shurf - The Shurf put Clem in jail Storch - this here aprn has to much storch in it Skeered - that plumb skeered me to death Thanks - He shore thanks he's smart Tho -tho me the ball Thoat - I shore got a sore thoat War - a bobbed war fance Worsh - go worsh your face Warter - what you worsh your face in Yurp - a continent overseas WARNING TO OZ PEOPLE: DON'T EVEN TRY TO TALK LIKE THIS. WE WILL ALL HAVE TO LAUGH, AND THEN OUR MOTHERS WILL PINCH US UNDER THE TABLE AND OFFER YOU ANOTHER PIECE OF PIE TO KEEP YOU QUIET SO WE WON'T DISGRACE THE FAMILY BY GOING INTO CONVULSIONS. ____________________________________________ >From Connie A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner. Her husband teased her and said she would never be able to stay away from the other half until dinner the next night. The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would rub it in. Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out. She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!" ____________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ___________________________________________________  
 Today November 4 in 1842 Abraham Lincoln married Mary Todd in Springfield, IL. 1846 A patent for an artificial leg was granted to Benjamin Palmer. 1847 Scottish obstetrician James Young Simpson discovered the anethestic qualities of chloroform. 1880 James and John Ritty patented the first cash register. 1922 In Egypt, Howard Carter discovered the entry of the lost tomb of Pharaoh Tutankhamen. 1924 Nellie T. Ross of Wyoming was elected America's first woman governor so she could serve out the remaining term of her late husband, William B. Ross. 1939 During World War II, the U.S. modified its neutrality stance with the Neutrality Act of 1939. The new policy allowed cash-and-carry purchases of arms by belligerents. 1939 At the 40th National Automobile Show the first air- conditioned car was put on display. 1942 During World War II, Axis forces retreated from El Alamein in North Africa. It was a major victory for the British. 1952 In the United States, the National Security Agency (NSA) was established. 1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary in order to suppress the uprising against Communism that had begun on October 23, 1956. 1965 Lee Ann Roberts Breedlove became the first woman to exceed 300 mph when she went 308.5 mph. 1970 Former King Peter II of Yugoslavia died in Denver, CO. He was the first European king or queen to die and to be buried in the U.S. 1979 Iranian militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran and took 63 Americans hostage (90 total hostages). The militants, mostly students, demanded that the U.S. send the former shah back to Iran to stand trial. Many hostages were later released, but 52 were held for the next 14 months. 1981 The second scheduled flight of the space shuttle Columbia was canceled with only 31 seconds left in the countdown. 1984 Nicaragua held its first free elections in 56 years. 1985 Soviet defector Vitaly Yurchenko announced he was returning to the Soviet Union. He had charged that he had been kidnapped by the CIA. 1989 About a million East Germans filled the streets of East Berlin in a pro-democracy rally. 1990 Iraq issued a statement saying it was prepared to fight a "dangerous war" rather than give up Kuwait. 1991 Ronald Reagan opened his presidential library in Simi Valley, CA. The dedication ceremony was attended by President Bush and former U.S. presidents Jimmy Carter, Gerald R. Ford and Richard M. Nixon. It was the 1st gathering of 5 U.S. chief executives. 1995 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin, 73 years old, was assassinated by right-wing Israeli Yigal Amir after attending a peace rally. 1999 The United Nations imposed economic sanctions against the Taliban that controlled most of Afghanistan. The sanctions were imposed because the Taliban had refused to turn over Osama bin Laden, who had been charged with masterminding the 1998 bombings of the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania. 2001 The movie "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" had its world premiere in London. 2001 Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba destroying crops and thousands of homes. The United States made the gesture of sending humanitarian aid. On December 16, 2001, Cuba received the first commercial food shipment from the U.S. in nearly 40 years. 2020 Do smiled. 
 

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