Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, July 31 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!  ___________________________________________________ Today, July 31 in  1790 The first U.S. patent was issued to Samuel Hopkins for his process for making potash and pearl ashes. The substance was used in fertilizer and gunpowder.  _____________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: Football star lured disabled babysitter to his home then raped her at gunpoint  ______________________________________________________ Words ought to be a little wild for they are the assaults of thought on the unthinking. --- John Maynard Keynes (1883 - 1946) _____________________________________________________ "Can I have a cigarette?" Keli asked. "I thought you quit smoking," Wendy said "I'm in the process of quitting," Keli said. "Right now I am in the middle of phase one." "What's phase one?" Wendy asked. "I've quit buying," Keli replied. _____________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ A man bought a parrot. It sat in its cage all day saying, "Cracker want a polly. Cracker want a polly." The man's friend heard the bird and said, "That bird is really stupid!" The owner said, "No, his name's Cracker, and he's very lonely." ___________________________________________________  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Dana Stubblefield, San Jose, California, USA 
 Football star lured disabled babysitter to his home then raped her at gunpoint 
 Dana Stubblefield, a former San Francisco 49er, was convicted of rape by force, oral copulation by force and false imprisonment on Monday in San Jose, California. Prosecutors said Stubblefield, 49, used a gun during the horrific attack on the 31-year-old woman in April 2015. The day before the assault, Stubblefield contacted the victim on a babysitting website and arranged an interview, which lasted about 20 minutes. The victim later received a text from Stubblefield saying that he wanted to pay her for her time that day, so she returned to his house, according to prosecutors. Stubblefield raped her when she came back. Afterward, he paid her $80 and let her go free. The victim immediately went to police and reported the rape. According to the police report, DNA taken matched Stubblefield. Defense lawyers for Stubblefield insisted that their client did not rape the woman and instead claimed that the woman consented to sex, when he held a gun to her head.  
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Frank RE: Filters   Dear Webby: Would you be kind enough to instruct me on how to set up a filter? Stay well and safe Frank  Dear Frank Sure, no problem, gladly! I Love making filters! If you have Malwarebytes. Just 1) get the free trial at Malwarebytes and 2) make a list of what you want to filter to the trash, right on the server and not even download. That is the gun and the targets. After I show you the first few of them, the rest will be a fun game. Have FUN! DearWebby 
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 In a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Every ten seconds, they walk toward each other exactly half the remaining distance between them. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?" Mathematician: "Never." Physicist: "In an infinite amount of time." Engineer: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes." _____________________________________________ The Modern Toolbox Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself. Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver. Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka. Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install. Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels. Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself. Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway. Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool. Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911. Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house. Chain saw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself. Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job you're doing or offer advice. ____________________________________________ There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. The preacher went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's pay. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergy- man's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "having children is an "act of God!" Silence fell on the congregation. In the back of the room, a little old man stood up and in his frail voice said: "Snow and rain are also acts of God, but when we get too much, we wear rubbers." 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ___________________________________________________  
 Today July 31 in 1498 Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the Western Hemisphere, arrived at the island of Trinidad. 1790 The first U.S. patent was issued to Samuel Hopkins for his process for making potash and pearl ashes. The substance was used in fertilizer and gunpowder. 1792 The cornerstone of the U.S. Mint in Philadelphia, PA, was laid. It was the first building to be used only as a U.S. government building. 1919 Germany's Weimar Constitution was adopted. 1928 MGMs Leo the lion roared for the first time. He introduced MGMs first talking picture, "White Shadows on the South Seas." 1932 Enzo Ferrari retired from racing. In 1950 he launched a series of cars under his name. 1945 Pierre Laval of France surrendered to Americans in Austria. 1955 Marilyn Bell of Toronto, Canada, at age 17, became the youngest person to swim the English Channel. 1959 The Euskadi Ta Askatasuna (ETA) was founded. The group is known for being an armed Basque nationalist and separatist organization. 1964 The American space probe Ranger 7 transmitted pictures of the moon's surface. 1971 Men rode in a vehicle on the moon for the first time in a lunar rover vehicle (LRV). 1980 China's population reached 1 billion. 1982 Yugoslavia imposed a six-month freeze on prices. 1989 A pro-Iranian group in Lebanon released a videotape reportedly showing the hanged body of American hostage William R. Higgins. 1995 The Walt Disney Company agreed to acquire Capital Cities/ABC in a $19 billion deal. 1999 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect crashed into the moon. It was a mission to detect frozen water on the moon's surface. The craft had been launched on January 6, 1998. 2020 Do smiled. 

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