Dear Webby's Humor Letter
widely read, forwarded, copied and imitated daily since 1994
Dear Webby's Humor Letter, daily since 1994
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  Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, Oct 1  __________________________________________________ Q Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies. --- Edgar Watson Howe (1853 - 1937) Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible. --- Margaret Mead (1901 - 1978) "Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." --- Robert A. Heinlein ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award PhD student guilty of making drone to deliver chemical weapon for terrorists ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ History On This Day, Sept 30, in 1994, The U.S. and Japan avoided a trade war by reaching a series of trade agreements. ____________________________________________________ The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think __________________________________________________________ The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just a lazy old fart." "OK," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife." __________________________________________________   Norway __________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ A knight and his men return to their castle after a hard month of riding. "How are we faring?" his king asks. "Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west." "What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!" "Oh." replies the knight. "Well, you do now." ___________________________________________________ >From Virginia The government lab where I work recently began a series of secret animal experiments. Our goal is to enhance animal intelligence through the use of computers. We're hoping to use them as cheap and expendable soldiers. We started with four rather exceptional German shepherds. First we provided for a direct computer link between the brains of each of the four animals. Then we provided for a direct link between myself and each of the four. One interesting phenomenon has already occurred in the lab. Every time I enter the room, all five of us start barking at the same time. __________________________________________________   TROMSO, N O R W A Y Adelfo Aquino ____________________________________________________ "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong houses!" _____________________________________________________  Dearwebby's Tech Support Pits From: Rock Re: Anti Malware Dear Webby, Im curious, what would you recommend for anti virus fire wall protection? MacAfee, Norton or some new fangled thing? Thanks for all you do, Rock  Dear Rock Dear Rock The best program by far for the last dozen years is http://webby.com/malwarebytes. I used to have big ads for it on the Humor Letter, but either most people got it by now, either via my link, or from elsewhere. So I dumped most of those ads. The link still works. It is amazing how many people are worried, that I would make $2.49 if they get it via my ads. Well, the link still works. It is entirely up to you whether you choose to get the program. Malwarebytes eliminates a whole stack of different programs. How I initially got it is rather funny. I had been using McAfee since the mid 80s. Then I got W7 PRO on a brand new machine. Well, McAfee did not work on it. So I chatted McAfee support. The McAfee's Taliban could not get it to work either. After a few hopurs of wasting time I got rather hot under my collar and threatened them dire consequences and bloody mayhem. So they told me about Malwarebytes. I think I was one of the first to sign up with Malwarebytes and actually pay. For a brief time they offered a lifetime subscription. I paid quickly before they changed their mind. A month ago I found out that was for just one machine. Awww. Well, I had received it for two machines for about a dozen years, so I didn't raise a fuss and paid for the second machine. It is well worth it. Have Fun! Dearwebby ________________________________________________ In dire need of a beauty make-over, Nancy went to her salon with a fashion magazine photo of a gorgeous, young, lustrous haired model. She showed the stylist the trendy new cut she wanted and settled into the chair as he began humming a catchy tune and got to work on her thin, graying hair. Nancy was delighted by his cheerful attitude until she recognized the melody. It was the theme from "Mission Impossible." ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ The new ensign was standing his first night watch on the bridge of a destroyer. Far out on the horizon, the USS New Jersey was conducting a night gunnery exercise. The ensign, seeing the flashes of light from the battleship, ran excitedly up to the signal bridge and pointed out, mistakenly, the "Morse code" coming from the other ship. Ensign: "What are they saying? What are they saying?" Signalman: "Boom. Boom." ____________________________________________ A Bonehead Award Has Been Reported By Rock  Mohamad Al Bared, Birmingham, England  PhD student guilty of making drone to deliver chemical weapon for terrorists  Mechanical engineering graduate Mohamad Al Bared used a 3D printer to make drone parts at his home, while communicating with terrorists online. A PhD student has been found guilty of designing and building a kamikaze drone capable of delivering a bomb or chemical weapon for so-called Islamic State (IS) terrorists. Jurors at Birmingham Crown Court deliberated for around six hours over two days before unanimously convicting Mohamad Al Bared, who used a 3D printer to make the unmanned aerial vehicle (UAV) at his Coventry home. The mechanical engineering graduate, of Kare Road, was found guilty of a single count of engaging in conduct in preparation of terrorist acts to benefit a proscribed terrorist organisation. Al Bared was remanded in custody and told he may face a life term when he is sentenced on November 27. The 27-year-old denied being a supporter of IS or its aims, having told jurors he had no plans to assist it in any way and that he made a drone for his own research purposes. Al Bared, who was studying at Birmingham University and specialised in laser-drilling, also claimed to have researched IS to argue against its aims with others at a mosque. But prosecutors said it was clear from encrypted online chats and other digital material that he supported IS, intended to make a single-use video-transmitting fixed-wing drone for terrorist purposes, and to travel to Africa via Turkey. Adjourning sentence after Al Bared was convicted of preparing for terrorism between January 1, 2022 and January 31 this year, Judge Paul Farrer KC said: The court is going to have to consider whether the appropriate sentence is one of life imprisonment. You have been convicted of an offence of the utmost gravity. A long prison sentence is the inevitable consequence of that but the length and nature of that sentence is a matter for careful consideration, and the court will take that decision having received input from the Probation Service. The UAV was found in a bedroom when Al Bared was arrested in January this year. Opening the Crowns case in August, at the start of a five- week trial, prosecutor Michelle Heeley KC told the court: Police found a drone. They also found material suggesting this defendant supported Islamic State, a terrorist organisation. The court heard Al Bared, who lived with his parents, was arrested while driving at the same time as the raid took place, and had a mobile phone which police also seized. After showing the drone, which was contained in a large see- through plastic bag, to the jury, the prosecutor said it was of a type which has landing gear and a small digital camera. It had all the components required for it to fly, Ms Heeley added. We suggest it was being manufactured to deliver a bomb to fly into IS enemy territory and deliver a chemical weapon or some other kind of device. During the opening day of the trial, Ms Heeley also told how Al Bared had filled in an IS application form and set up a UK- registered company to help plans for future foreign travel. Written material saying the idea for the drone was somewhat inspired by the design of the Tomahawk missile was also put before the jury, in what the Crown said was Al Bared describing his build process. Ms Heeley said of the evidence found on an electronic device, which also included references to fuses, mechanical detonators and an explosive head: He is literally reporting back to someone about what it is that he is doing. What drone for legitimate use needs an explosive head? What does need an explosive head is a drone that has been designed on a missile. Al Bareds barrister, Alistair Webster KC, also made an opening speech, claiming his client had studied IS-linked material, including video of beheadings, because he wanted to debate against the terror groups views. Mr Webster said: He accepts that he is fascinated by Islamic State and its mindset, but rather than supporting it he wanted to argue against it, in the mosque, online. But Al Bared was described by anti-terror officers as someone with an extremist mindset who intended to cause mass casualties. It is our clear view that this man was very, very dangerous, that he was building something that was a weapon to use to deliver chemicals to cause harm to people who didn't share his extremist views _____________________________________________________ A young Jewish mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten. "Behave, my bubaleh" she says. "Take good care of yourself and think about your Mother, tataleh!" "And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh." "Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!" At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son on and hugs him. "So tell mommy. . . what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?" The boy answers, "I've learned that my name is Melvin." __________________________________________________ A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart attack, was visited by this over-zealous evangelist. After listening politely for over a half-hour on how thankful he should be to have been spared, and how he should repent at once, he was asked if all of his sins had flashed before his eyes during the heart attack. The patient responded, with a deliberately slurry and sleepy voice: "Don't be silly, the attack lasted only 6 hours! I just got to where I had duck-taped that preacher's mouth and set his pants on fire, when the heart attack ended." _________________________________________________ History On Oct 1, In 1569, The Duke of Norfolk was imprisoned by Britain's Queen Elizabeth for trying to marry Mary the Queen of Scots. 1800, Spain ceded the territory of Louisiana back to France. Later the property would be purchased by the U.S. effectively doubling its size. 1880, Thomas Edison began the commercial production of electric lamps at Edison Lamp Works in Menlo Park. 1885, Special delivery mail service began in the United States. The first routes were in West Virginia. 1890, The U.S. Congress passed the McKinley Tariff Act. The act raised tariffs to a record level. 1896, Rural Free Delivery was established by the U.S. Post Office. 1908, The Model T automobile was introduced by Henry Ford. The purchase price of the car was $850. 1918, Damascus was captured from the Turks during World War I by a force made up of British and Arab forces. 1936, General Francisco Franco was proclaimed the head of the Spanish state. 1938, German forces enter Czechoslovakia and seized control of the Sudetenland. The Munich Pact had been signed two days before. 1940, The Pennsylvania Turnpike opened as the first toll superhighway in the United States. 1943, Naples was captured by the Allied forces during World War II. 1946, The International War Crimes Tribunal in Nuremberg sentenced 12 Nazi officials to death. Seven others were sentenced to prison terms and 3 were acquitted. 1949, Mao Tse-tung raised the first flag of the People's Republic of China when the communist forces had defeated the Nationalists. The Nationalist forces fled to Taiwan. 1962, Johnny Carson began hosting the "Tonight" show on NBC- TV. He stayed with the show for 29 years. Jack Paar was the previous host. 1964, The Free Speech Movement was started at the University of California at Berkeley. 1968, "Night of the Living Dead" premiered in Pittsburgh, PA. 1972, The Chinese government approved friendly relations with the United States. 1979, The United States handed control of the Canal Zone over to Panama. 1982, EPCOT (Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow) Center opened in Florida. The concept was planned by Walt Disney. 1984, U.S. Labor Secretary Raymond Donovan announced that he was taking a leave of absence following his indictment on charges of larceny and fraud. He was later acquitted. 1985, The PLO's headquarters in Tunisia was raided by Israeli jet fighters. 1988, Mikhail Gorbachev assumed the Soviet presidency. 1989, 7,000 East Germans were welcomed into West Germany after they were allowed to leave by the communist government. 1990, U.S. President George H.W. Bush addressed the U.N. General Assembly and once again condemned Iraq's takeover of Kuwait. 1990, In Croatia, minority Serbs proclaimed autonomy. 1991, U.S. President Bush condemned the military coup in Haiti that removed President Jean-Bertrand Aristide from power. U.S. economic and military aid was suspended. 1991, The U.S. trust territory of Palau became independent. 1992, The Strategic Arm Reduction Treaty was approved by the U.S. Senate. 1994, The U.S. and Japan avoided a trade war by reaching a series of trade agreements. 1994, The National Hockey League (NHL) team owners began a lockout of the players that lasted 103 days. 1995, Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman and nine other defendants were convicted in New York of conspiring to attack the U.S. through bombings, kidnappings and assassinations. 1996, Lucent Technologies became an independent company. 1998, The U.S. government posted a $2.2 million reward for the capture of Augustin Vasquez Mendoza. He is accused of killing an undercover U.S. agent during a drug purchase in 1994. 1999, The 50th anniversary of the founding of the Peoples Republic of China was celebrated in Beijing. 2001, San Francisco's Board of Supervisors voted unanimously to ban Internet filters designed to keep pornography away from children at city libraries. The board left the decision up to the Library Commission to decide whether to install filtering software in children's areas. A federal law in the U.S. mandated the use of the filters. 2009, In the United Arab Emirates, the exterior construction of the Burj Khalifa skyscraper was completed. 2023, ! Smiled. Have Fun Dearwebby 

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