Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, January 3 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award 18-year-old suspect strangled, stomped on Polk deputy's head after threatening to kill him ____________________________________________________ Today, January 3, in 2019 The Chinese probe Chang'e 4 became the first human-made object to land on the far side of the Moon. ____________________________________________________ The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. --- Abbie Hoffman (1936 - 1989) That's the trouble with a politician's life-somebody is always interrupting it with an election. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ____________________________________________________ An elderly couple was sitting together watching television. During a commercial, the husband asked his wife, "Whatever happened to our sexual relations?" After a long thoughtful silence and during the next commercial, the wife replied, "You know, I don't know. I don't even think we got a Christmas card from them this year." ____________________________________________________   Justin Light Split Rock Lighthouse Minnesota ____________________________________________________ ====From Michael K. Dear Webby, do you remember that genie and bridge to Hawaii joke you had a few years ago ? Could you please dig it up and tell it again ? Michael K.==== Sure Michael. I believe it is worth repeating anyway. A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one - none of that three wishes jazz, OK?" The man thought for a minute and said, "Well, I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying, and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii." The genie was taken aback a bit, but after some thought said, "No, I don't think I can do that; think about the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement and steel and concrete that would be needed. I'm sorry, you will have to choose another wish." The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why do they get upset at us so easily, what do they mean when they yell "NOTHING!!!", what do they mean when they say "FINE!", what are their true desires and needs? Basically what makes them tick?!" The genie stared at him and blinked a couple times. "So, do you want two lanes or four on that silly bridge?" ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Jordan Engle, 18, Fort Meade, Florida, USA  18-year-old suspect strangled, stomped on Polk deputy's head after threatening to kill him  A man was arrested after strangling a Polk County deputy and threatening to kill him, according to the sheriff's office. During the encounter, the deputy tripped, and the suspect stomped on his head several times. "Hes 18 years of age," Sheriff Grady Judd said Friday, "and already facing some very serious charges." The sheriff said the agency received a report of a disturbance at a home on Brooke Road in Fort Meade. He said Jordan Engle, the suspect, was dating a 15-year-old and her father basically told him to "get away from my daughter." A deputy responded to the area and spotted the 18-year-old suspect. The sheriff's office reports the deputy was driving a marked patrol car and was wearing his green agency-issued uniform. Officials said the deputy exited his vehicle to speak with Engle and ordered him to stop walking. In response, Engle said, "I am going to my house to get something to kill you with." The deputy continued telling Engle to stop walking, but the suspect continued to ignore him and headed to his home at 1502 Brooke Road, investigators said. As they approached his driveway, the deputy attempted to grab Engle's right arm but the suspect pulled away and began running. The deputy chased after him, the sheriff's office reported. When they reached the front porch area of the home, Engle stopped running, told the deputy to leave him alone, and said, "I am going inside to get something to kill you," according to an arrest report. Engle began walking up a ramp that led to the front door. The deputy grabbed Engle's right arm again to "prevent Engle from entering the residence for fear that Engle was going to get something from inside and attempt to kill him." However, Engle pulled away, causing the deputy to trip and fall on the ramp, officials said. At this point, officials said Engle stood over the deputy and began to stomp on the back of the officer's head "four to five times with his right foot." The Polk deputy grabbed Engle's foot and both fell off the ramp. The impact caused the deputy's radio to break, officials said. Then, Engle wrapped his arm around the deputy's neck from behind and began to choke him, they said. The deputy was able to pull away, and additional deputies arrived. Engle was arrested. During an interview, officials said Engle said he knew he encountered a deputy and "that he was not scared of deputies." He said he did not personally know the deputy. According to investigators, Engle also stated he did not remember threatening the deputy. The deputy left the struggle with lacerations on his neck and knee. There was slight swelling on the back of his head, officials said. Engle faces several charges including attempted second- degree murder of a law enforcement officer, aggravated battery on an officer, deprive officer use of communication, resisting officer with violence, and resisting officer without violence.  ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  From: Leo Re: Mail blocked by MalwareBytes Dear Webby I got an email, supposedly from a woman in Russia, pretending to be from *********datewithlove.cn Before I even clicked on the URL, MalwareBytes popped an alert telling me that it blocked that site because it is a phishing site. So, naturally, I did not click on that URL. How does MailWasher know that? Does it read my mind? Leo  Dear Leo MalwareBytes probably saw you were looking at that email and had that URL in it's database. Also, quite possibly it decided that a supposedly Russian woman using a .cn (Chinese) site was too phony for comfort. You can rely on MalwareBytes to look out for you. It does not read your mind, it just uses common sense. Have FUN! DearWebby 
 Do came home from school one day and said, "Mom, the teacher asked me today if I had any brothers or sisters." "And what did she say when you told her you were an only child?" his mom asked. Do said, "Well, she just let out a deep breath and said, 'Thank goodness'." 
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 _____________________________________________  On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder. "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Good Grief!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer?" ______________________________________________ There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works. ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. "Is there something in particular I can show you?" he asked. "Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa." "You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested. "Sectional schmectional," she said shrugging. "All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!" ___________________________________________________  
 Today, January 3, in 1496 References in Leonardo da Vinci notebooks suggested that he tested his flying machine. The test didn't succeed and he didn't try to fly again for several years. 1521 Pope Leo X excommunicated Martin Luther. 1777 The Battle of Princeton took place in the War of Independence, in which George Washington defeated the British forces, led by Cornwallis. 1815 By secret treaty, Austria, Britain, and France formed a defensive alliance against Prusso-Russian plans to solve the Saxon and Polish problems. 1823 Stephen F. Austin received a grant from the Mexican government and began colonization in the region of the Brazos River in Texas. 1825 The first engineering college in the U.S. , Rensselaer School, opened in Troy, NY. It is now known as Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute. 1833 Britain seized control of the Falkland Islands in the South Atlantic. About 150 years later, Argentina seized the islands back from the British, but Britain took them back after a 74-day war. 1868 The Shogunate was abolished in Japan and Meiji dynasty was restored. 1871 Henry W. Bradley patented oleomargarine. 1888 The drinking straw was patented by Marvin C. Stone. 1924 English explorer Howard Carter discovered the sarcophagus of Tutankhamen in the Valley of the Kings, near Luxor, Egypt. 1925 In Italy, Mussolini announced that he would take dictatorial powers. 1938 The March of Dimes was established by U.S. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt. The organization fights poliomyelitis. The original name of the organization was the National Foundation for Infantile Paralysis. 1947 U.S. Congressional proceedings were televised for the first time. Viewers in Washington, Philadelphia and New York City saw some of the opening ceremonies of the 80th Congress. 1947 In Trenton, NJ, Al Herrin, passed away at age 92. He had claimed that he had not slept at all during his life. 1951 NBC-TV debuted "Dragnet." 1957 The Hamilton Watch Company introduced the first electric watch. 1959 In the U.S., Alaska became the 49th state. 1961 The U.S. severed diplomatic relations with Cuba. 1962 Pope John XXIII excommunicated Cuban prime minister Fidel Castro. 1967 Jack Ruby died in a Dallas, TX, hospital. 1980 Conservationist Joy Adamson, author of "Born Free," was killed in northern Kenya by a servant. 1984 A woman died at Disneyland after falling from a ride. She had apparently unfastened her seatbelt while on the Matterhorn bobsled. 1990 Ousted Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega surrendered to U.S. forces, 10 days after taking refuge in the Vatican's diplomatic mission. 1991 The British government announced that seven Iraqi diplomats, another embassy staff member and 67 other Iraqis were being expelled from Britain. 1993 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and Russian President Boris Yeltsin signed the second Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty (START) in Moscow. 1995 WHO reported that the cumulative total of officially reported cases of AIDS had risen to 1,025,073 in 192 countries as at the end of 1994. 1998 China announced that it would spend $27.7 billion to fight erosion and pollution in the Yangtze and Yellow river valleys. 1999 Israeli authorities detained, and later expelled, 14 members of Concerned Christians. Israili officials claimed that the Denver, CO-based cult was plotting violence in Jerusalem to bring about the Second Coming of Christ. 2000 Charles M. Schulz's final original daily comic strip appeared in newspapers. 2001 The ATF (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms) charged the "Texas 7" with weapons violations. An autopsy showed that Officer Aubrey Hawkins, killed by the convicts, had been shot 11 times and run over with a vehicle. 2004 NASA's Spirit rover landed on Mars. The craft was able to send back black and white images three hours after landing. 2019 The Chinese probe Chang'e 4 became the first human-made object to land on the far side of the Moon. 2021 Do smiled. 

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