me Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, August 8 ____________________________________________________ History: today, August 8 in 1956, Japan launched an oil tanker that was 780 feet long and weighed 84,730 tons. It was the largest oil tanker in the world. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead award Bay Area man fatally stabbed woman and posted video of it on Facebook ___________________________________________________ Q Like I always say, there's no 'I' in "team". There is a 'me', though, if you jumble it up. --- David Shore What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive? --- Irv Kupcinet ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ After the last child moves out of the house, Mom and Dad announce that they're getting a divorce. The kids are totally distraught and pay for a session with the world's most famous marriage counselor as a last effort at keeping their parents together. The counselor works for hours, tries all of his methods, but the couple still won't even talk to each other. Finally he goes over to a closet, brings out a beautiful violin and begins to play. After a minute, the couple start talking. The therapist keeps soloing on the violin and the couple discover that they're not actually that far apart and decide to give their marriage another try. The kids are amazed and ask the doctor how he managed to do it. He replies, "Well, I've never yet seen a couple that wouldn't talk through a violin solo." ___________________________________________________ Marcy called to make flight reservations: "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York." The travel agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, of course I am sure! What flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "Do you by any chance mean Buffalo ?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!" ___________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ My father, in the hospital after surgery to repair a hip replacement, needed assistance to get on and off the toilet and the bedpan. 89 years old, he was also extremely modest and had a tough time dealing with the matter-of-fact ways nursing personnel dealt with bodily functions. One time two aides put him on the bedpan and stood by the bed waiting for him to finish. He looked at them and said. "It'll cost you a quarter to watch." Another time an aide put him on the toilet and left. When she came back about 5 minutes later, she asked if he was done yet. He looked at her in all seriousness and asked, "Why, do you need to use it?" ____________________________________________________ Bo was telling the little ones of how it was when he was a young boy in Brooklyn, in Manhattan's immigrant ghetto. "When I was a kid," he said, "we didn't even have a radio. So our dad bored a hole through the wall into the living room of the Irish couple in the next apartment, to hear all the great boxing fights. That's when we discovered that they didn't have a radio either, and the fights we heard through the wall were live." ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur." The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary. "Could you please spell that?" she asked. "You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e." __________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits from: Beverly re: McAfee Dear Webby You used to recommend McAfee, and I got a subscription. It has worked pretty well and no serious baddies slipped past it. Now, that McAfee got Hilaried in a Spanish jail, what is going to happen with the program? Beverly Dear Beverly McAfee sold the prgram for $100 Million more than a dozen years ago and became a naughty playboy with warrants out for his arrest in various countries. He has had nothing to do with the program since then. I dumped it and moved up to Malwarebytes when McAfee did not work on Windows 7 PRO. Because I was one of the first buyers of MalwareBytes, I got a lifetime subscription for one machine. I have been quite happy with MalwareBytes. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check and cashed it in the store, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You are really a country hick, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning." ________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Bay Area man fatally stabbed woman and posted video of it on Facebook Mark Mechikoff, 39, San Jose, San Mateo County, California, USA A man stabbed a woman to death in the San Francisco Bay Area on Wednesday and then posted a video of the slaying to Facebook. The gruesome footage helped police track down the suspect, who was later identified as 39-year-old Mark Mechikoff. He was arrested about 30 miles south of where the victim was found dead in a San Mateo apartment complex. While the motive for stabbing the victim is still under investigation, we do know Mechikoff mercilessly filmed the last moments of the victims life and posted the video to Facebook, then fled the area, San Mateo police said in a statement. Prosecutors identified the victim as Claribel Estrella. The San Mateo County District Attorney's Office plans to file a case against Mechikoff Friday and charge him with a single count of murder with an enhancement for use of a knife. His arraignment is scheduled for Friday afternoon, where an attorney will be appointed to represent him, DA Stephen Wagstaffe said in an email. The stabbing was first reported to the Nye County Sheriff's Office in Nevada when a caller said she saw the video on Facebook. The sheriff's office pinged the phone number associated with the Facebook page and traced it to a large San Mateo apartment complex. Officers there went door-to-door and found Estrella nearly three hours later inside a unit, authorities said. Police say Mechikoff knew her but have not described how. Mechikoff was arrested two hours later on suspicion of homicide in the city of San Jose. He will get free room and board for the foreseeable future. ___________________________________________________ A rather boring joke I heard today reminded me of a fun incicent. Many years ago when I was taking a required course in the process of becoming an electrician, we also had to take some basics physics. Personally, I always loved physics, probably because deep down inside I am still a kid that is fascinated by anything that makes noise or moves. Most of the people in the class hated physics, and one guy in particular did a lot of complaining about it and asking why it was necessary. Finally the instructor had enough and he told him that physics was required to save his live. Naturally the guy fell for that straight line and asked how physics would save his live. "It saves lives", the instructor yelled at him, "because it keeps you from finishing the course, and because if you passed my class and then later burned down a house with your lack of knowledge, I'd have to go and shoot you." That guy quit the course right there __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today August 8, in 356, Edward "the Black Prince" began a raid north from Aquitaine. 1815, Napoleon Bonaparte set sail for St. Helena, in the South Atlantic. The remainder of his life was spent there in exile. 1844, After the killing of Joseph Smith on June 27, Bringham Young was chosen to lead the Mormons. 1876, Thomas Edison received a patent for the mimeograph. The mimeograph was a "method of preparing autographic stencils for printing." 1899, The refrigerator was patented by A.T. Marshall. 1900, In Boston, the first Davis Cup series began. The U.S. team defeated Great Britain three matches to zero. 1911, The number of representatives in the U.S. House of Representatives was established at 435. There was one member of Congress for every 211,877 residents. 1940, The German Luftwaffe began a series of daylight air raids on Great Britain. 1945, The United Nations Charter was signed by U.S. President Truman. 1945, During World War II, the Soviet Union declared war on Japan. 1950, Whataburger opened its restaurant in Corpus Christi, TX. 1953, The U.S. and South Korea initiated a mutual security pact. 1956, Japan launched an oil tanker that was 780 feet long and weighed 84,730 tons. It was the largest oil tanker in the world. 1966, Michael DeBakey became the first surgeon to install an artificial heart pump in a patient. 1974, U.S. President Nixon announced that he would resign the following day. 1978, The U.S. launched Pioneer Venus II, which carried scientific probes to study the atmosphere of Venus. 1988, It was announced that a cease-fire between Iraq and Iran had begun. 1989, The space shuttle Columbia took off from Cape Canaveral, FL. The trip was said to be a secret five-day military mission. 1990, American forces began positioning in Saudia Arabia. 1991, John McCarthy, a British TV producer, was released by his Lebanese kidnappers. He had been held captive for more than five years. A rival group abducted Jerome Leyraud in retaliation and threatened to kill him if any more hostages were released. 1991, The U.N. Security Council approved North and South Korea for membership. 1992, The "Dream Team" clinched the gold medal at the Barcelona Summer Olympics. The U.S. basketball team beat Croatia 117-85. 1994, The first road link between Israel and Jordan opened. 1994, Representatives from China and Taiwan signed a cooperation agreement. 1995, Saddam Hussein's two eldest daughters, their husbands, and several senior army officers defected. 2000, The submarine H.L. Hunley was raised from ocean bottom after 136 years. The sub had been lost during an attack on the U.S.S. Housatonic in 1864. The Hunley was the first submarine in history to sink a warship. 2023, Do smiled.
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