Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, July 18 ___________________________________________________ Today, July 18 in 1942 The German Me-262, the first jet-propelled aircraft to fly in combat, made its first flight. _____________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: School Bus hijacker sentenced to 24 years ______________________________________________________ You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you. --- Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983) "Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television." --- Woody Allen. _____________________________________________________ A man goes to Frederick's of Hollywood. He wants to buy his wife the most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit. "This is $200," she says. "I want one that's more sheer," says he. "This one is $350." "I want it even more sheer than that." "This one is the most sheer that we have. It's $500." "I'll take it!" The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her, saying, "Go put this on and come down to model it for me." His wife goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, "This thing is so see through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not." So his wife comes down, wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose. "So, how do you like it?" she says. "Damn, you'd think for $500, they'd at least iron the darn thing!" _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood and are celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary. They walk down the street to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the old desk they'd shared and where he had carved "I love you, Sally." On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car practically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, but they don't know what to do with it so they take it home. There, she counts the money, and it's fifty thousand dollars. The husband says, "We've got to give it back." She says, "Finders keepers." And she puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic. The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their home. They say, "Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" She says, "No." The husband says, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic." She says, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile." But the agents sit the man down and begin to question him. One says, "Tell us the story from the beginning." The old man says, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday..." The FBI guy looks at his partner and says, "Let's get out of here." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ousseynou Sy 47, Milan, Italy School Bus hijacker sentenced to 24 years The driver of a school bus who torched the vehicle to protest Mediterranean migrant deaths claimed on Friday he acted after hearing the voices of drowned children urging him on, media reports said. Witnesses have described the terrifying moment when a bus driver took more than 50 schoolchildren and teachers hostage onboard a coach that he then set on fire. "He let us on to the bus and immediately barricaded us in," a teaching assistant said, recounting how the school bus hijacking in Italy unfolded before 51 children escaped as the driver torched the vehicle. "I was a second away from death," Tiziana Magarini told AFPTV on Thursday, her eyes still red and her voice unsteady a day after the harrowing incident. On Wednesday, a 10-minute bus trip turned into a 40-minute nightmare for schoolchildren in Crema, east of Milan, after their driver hijacked the vehicle and tried to drive it to a Milan airport. Driver Ousseynou Sy was usually "very well behaved, normal," Magarini said. But on Wednesday, the Italian bus driver of Senegalese origin came to work with a knife and cans of petrol. Seeking to draw attention to migrant deaths in the Mediterranean, Sy tied the two teachers to the door and told Magarini to tie up the children, using electric cable. She said she "tied them up badly", so they could get free. When Sy collected everyone's mobile phone, "I managed to let some of the children know with my eyes to keep them," she added. Sy then asked her to finish pouring the petrol over seats and curtains, as the children panicked. "The screaming, I couldn't calm them down," Magarini said. "He was saying weird things, I didn't really understand. He was talking a lot about Linate airport. But he didn't say what he wanted to do. He said 'I don't want to hurt you' and then he threatened us." "No one is getting out of here alive," Sy reportedly told the students as he diverted from the route back to school and took the motorway to the airport. "He said repeatedly that so many people in Africa keep dying," said one girl. The bus stopped and started several times while children telephoned for help. One said they called police who didn't understand. They then called their father. 'The driver wants to kill us' Another boy exchanged text messages with his mother. "Mum, we're on the bus, I don't know where they're taking us... the driver wants to kill us, he has a gun, call the police," the recorded message said, according to Italian media. Magarini discreetly called the school switchboard, where a colleague picked up and heard children screaming. As police cars converged on the bus to stop it, "the children were banging on the windows, calling for help," said policeman Roberto Manucci, one of the first on the scene. The driver crashed through a roadblock, taking out a car, before being trapped by other cars. Several police distracted him at the front of the hijacked bus while colleagues forced open the back door and smashed windows. "I heard an explosion at the back window and in two seconds an amazing team was there, they got them all out," said Magarini. Amateur video shows the terrifying moment as the children ran away screaming and crying. At the same time, Sy set fire to the petrol-soaked vehicle with a lighter before being subdued by police. Trapped next to the driver, Magarini was dragged to safety by a policeman. "I was a second away from death," she said. Police carried out a hostage rescue operation "like you see in films about special forces", said Milan prosecutor Francesco Greco. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Janice RE: Converter Dear Webby, You used to have a great measurement converter. Do you still have it? Since you are on the decimal system, you won't need it, but we are still using feets and furlongs and dicks and elbows, and weird stuff, that does not convert by shifting the decimal point. So I need your converter again, please! And Thank You, Janice Dear Janice I use Convert.exe since about 1996. Convert It has never malfunctioned for me, is extremely fast, and has all measurement units you can think of. Yes, it still has Light-Years to Furlongs in there too. Everything is neatly sorted and easy to find. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Two irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad." Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the jews are fallin' victim to temptation." Then they saw a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the irishmen said, "What a terrible pity... one of the girls must be quite ill." _____________________________________________ Thibodeaux was driving his car past Boudreaux's house and saw a sign out front that read: "Boat For Sale". So Thibodeaux marches up to Boudreaux front porch and raps hard on the door. When Boudreaux opens it: Thibodeaux says, "Boudreaux! How long we ban frands? Boudreaux says, "Well.........All our lives,Thibodeaux." Thibodeaux says, "Why don't you told me you gotta boat?" Boudreaux says, "I ant gotta boat!" Thibodeaux says, "Da' sign say 'BOAT FOR SALE'." Boudreaux says, "OH-NO Thibodeaux! See dat old '72 Ford pickem'up truck over dare" Thibodeaux says, "Yas, I see dat old pickem'up truck" Boudreaux says, "See dat '76 Cheverlet see-dan" Thibodeaux says, "Yas, I see dat see-dan." Boudreaux says, "Well, dey boat for sale. ____________________________________________ One time when I was home visiting my folks, my mom asked me to set the table for dinner. I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the door was a risque picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built, but scantily-clad young woman. "Mom, what's this?" I asked. "Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to over-eat," she answered. "Is it working?" I asked. "Yes and no," she explained. "I've lost 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20!" One time when I was home visiting my folks, my mom asked me to set the table for dinner. I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the door was a risque picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built, but scantily-clad young woman. "Mom, what's this?" I asked. "Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to over-eat," she answered. "Is it working?" I asked. "Yes and no," she explained. "I've lost 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20!" | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today July 18 in 0064 The Great Fire of Rome began. 1536 The authority of the pope was declared void in England. 1789 Robespierre, a deputy from Arras, France, decided to back the French Revolution. 1812 Great Britain signed the Treaty of Orebro, making peace with Russia and Sweden. 1830 Uruguay adopted a liberal constitution. 1872 The Ballot Act was passed in Great Britain, providing for secret election ballots. 1914 Six planes of the U.S. Army helped to form an aviation division called the Signal Corps. 1932 The U.S. and Canada signed a treaty to develop the St. Lawrence Seaway. 1935 Ethiopian King Haile Selassie urged his countrymen to fight to the last man against the invading Italian army. 1936 The first Oscar Meyer Wienermobile rolled out of General Body Companys factory in Chicago, IL. 1936 The Spanish Civil War began as Gen. Francisco Franco led an uprising of army troops based in Spanish North Africa. 1942 The German Me-262, the first jet-propelled aircraft to fly in combat, made its first flight. 1944 U.S. troops captured Saint-Lo, France, ending the battle of the hedgerows. 1944 Hideki Tojo was removed as Japanese premier and war minister due to setbacks suffered by his country in World War II. 1947 U.S. President Truman signed the Presidential Succession Act, which placed the Speaker of the House and the Senate President Pro Tempore next in the line of succession after the vice president. 1971 New Zealand and Australia announced they would pull their troops out of Vietnam. 2001 A train derailed, involving 60 cars, in a Baltimore train tunnel. The fire that resulted lasted for six days and virtually closed down downtown Baltimore for several days. 2015 The Ebay spin-off of PayPal into a separate publicly traded company was completed. 2020 Do smiled. |
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