Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, February 5 Today's Bonehead Award: Woman arrested after punching a fellow stripper and ripping electrical meter off club's wall ______________________________________________________ Today, February 5 in 1782 The Spanish captured Minorca from the British. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to get away from. --- Jodie Foster (1962 - ) Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so. --- John Stuart Mill (1806 - 1873) The upper classes are... a nation's past; the middle class is its future. --- Ayn Rand (1905 - 1982) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ John's beloved old super economy car was in deplorable shape, but he refused to get rid of it. So when the old junker was stolen from his office parking lot, his family was delighted. Nonetheless, they called the police and filed an insurance claim. Their relief was short-lived, within an hour an officer was on the phone. "We found the car less than a mile away," he said, trying to restrain himself. "It had a note on it that read, 'Thanks anyway, we'd rather walk.'" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The good bishop knew very well that not only did everyone in his small town look to him for an example, but that all too often, all eyes were on him as potential fodder for the local gossip mill, as well. This could be wearing; but usually, he was able to provide the good example and escape the tattlers. One night, however, after a long, hard day, a social obligation beckoned on top of his church responsibilities, and he came to a sudden stopping place. His hostess, noting that he looked tired, asked with concern, "A spot of tea, Bishop?" "No, thank you," he managed. "No tea." "Ah," she said. "Coffee, then?" "No coffee either, thank you." In the spirit of triage, she leaned closer and murmured, "I could bring you a scotch and soda in a coffee mug?" "My dear, this is my last word: NO soda." ______________________________________________________ Blue Carpenter Bee _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christie Caratini-Mendoza, 37, New Port Richey, Florida Woman arrested after punching a fellow stripper and ripping electrical meter off club's wall As the pole-dancing exercise trend of recent years taught the rest of us, exotic dancing takes some muscle. Police say a stripper in Florida showed her strength (and fearlessness) in a different way this week, by ripping an entire electrical meter off the wall of the club. According to local station WFLA, police say Christie Caratini- Mendoza, a stripper at Desire Gentleman's Club in New Port Richey, Fla., got into a fight with a co-worker. She reportedly punched the other woman, knocked her down and kicked her. Police say she then took her anger out on the Progress Energy meter bolted to the wall of the club, dismantling the meter and hiding it. From: Yorkie Re: Memory full Dear DearWebby, CAN YOU TELL ME HOW I KNOW IF MY MEMORY IS FULL? Dear Yorkie When you save a picture from a page, and Windows wants to save it as a .BMP file instead of JPG or GIF, then your RAM memory is so full that pretty soon programs will start to lock up. Then it's time to log off AOL, run CrapCleaner or reboot. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Mr. and Mrs. Steinfeld are asleep in their beds late one night, when Mrs. Steinfeld hears a noise downstairs. "Wake up!" cried Mrs. Steinfeld, nudging her husband. "There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the pot roast I made tonight!" "That will teach them!" said Mr. Steinfeld. "I just hope they don't die in the house!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Parents can be very upset when their children don't get into the college of their choice. As an admissions counselor for a state university, I took a call from an irate mother who was demanding to know why her daughter had been turned down. Avoiding any mention of the transcript full of D's, I explained that her daughter just wasn't as "competitive" as the admitted class. "Why doesn't she try anther school for a year and then transfer?" I suggested. "Another school!" exclaimed the Mother. "Have you seen her grades?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Fixing Tweezers Have your tweezers flattened out and lost their spring? Close the tweezers with a pencil placed halfway between the hinge and the points to increase the bend. Then they should grip again. Before bending the tweezers it is a good idea to first true the tips by pulling a double-sided diamond grit nail file or folded sandpaper sideways through the tips a few times. The sideways wipe will leave a microscopic version of the serration on pliers. Have FUN! DearWebby Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | The Sun King's perfumed bath. |
___________________________________________________ Panicking when her toddler swallowed a tiny magnet; my sister, Betty, rushed him to the emergency room. "He'll be fine," the doctor promised her. "The magnet should pass through his system in a day or two." "HDo you cook?ow will I be sure?" she pressed. "Well," the doctor suggested, "you could stick him on the refrigerator. When he falls off, you'll know." ___________________________________________________ A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast", so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What's your 'Unique Breakfast'?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken," she replied proudly. "Baked tongue of chicken? Do you have ANY idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" the man fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "Well, what would you like then, sir?" The man replied, "Just bring me some scrambled eggs." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "I've been volunteered to help move furniture for my mother-in-law tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!" ___________________________________________________ | Today February 5 in 1782 The Spanish captured Minorca from the British. 1783 Sweden recognized the independence of the United States. 1861 Samuel Goodale patented the moving picture peep show machine. 1885 Congo State was established under Leopold II of Belgium, as a personal possession. 1917 Mexico's constitution was adopted. 1917 The U.S. Congress passed the Immigration Act of 1917 (Asiatic Barred Zone Act) with an overwhelming majority. The action overrode President Woodrow Wilson's December 14, 1916 veto. 1924 The BBC time signals, or "pips", from Greenwich Observatory were heard for the first time. They are broadcast every hour. 1931 Maxine Dunlap became the first woman licensed as a glider pilot. 1952 In New York City, four signs were installed at 44th Street and Broadway in Times Square that told pedestrians "don't walk." 1958 Gamel Abdel Nasser was formally nominated to become the first president of the United Arab Republic. 1962 French President Charles De Gaulle called for Algeria's independence. 1982 Great Britain imposed economic sanctions against Poland and Russia in protest against martial law in Poland. 1988 A pair of indictments were unsealed in Florida, accusing Panama's military leader, Gen. Manuel Antonio Noriega, of bribery and drug trafficking. 1994 White separatist Byron De La Beckwith was convicted in Jackson, MS, of the 1963 murder of civil rights leader Medgar Evers. 1997 Switzerland's "Big Three" banks announced they would create a $71 million fund for Holocaust victims and their families. 1997 Investment bank Morgan Stanley announced a $10 billion merger with Dean Witter. 1999 Mike Tyson was sentenced to a year in jail for assaulting two people after a car accident on August 31, 1998. Tyson was also fined $5,000, had to serve 2 years of probation, and had to perform 200 hours of community service upon release. 2001 Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman announced their separation. 2019 Do smiled. |
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