Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, August 1  ___________________________________________________ History on this day, July 27, in 1943, In the Solomon Islands, the U.S. Navy patrol torpedo boat PT-109 sank after being hit by the Japanese destroyer Amagiri. The boat was under the command of Lt. John F. Kennedy. Eleven of the thirteen crew survived. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Man, woman charged in pregnant womans deadly stabbing in Georgia _________________________________________________ If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) __________________________________________________ Two farmers where discussing who had the meanest dog. One who had a very mean looking Doberman insisted that his was the meanest and that it could lick any other dog in the county. The second just looked at his mangy old yellow dog and said that he would wager his against any dog in the country. Well, after some animated discussion they finally decided to let the dogs fight it out. After a very short snarling match the old yellow dog leapt on the Doberman and killed it outright. The first farmer was aghast. His dog had been beating other dogs for years and had never had more than a small scratch or two. He turned to the other farmer and asked, "What kind of dog did you say yours is?" The first farmer replied, "Well before he lost his tail when he killed a gator, we called him a Mountain Lion!" ___________________________________________________ >From Eddie We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs." "Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're orderinga la carte," the waitress warned her. "You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously. "I'll take the special." "How do you want your eggs?" "Raw and in the shell," my wife replied. She took the two eggs home. __________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Curteze Avery and Shallandra Freeman LAGRANGE, Georgia, USA  Man, woman charged in pregnant womans deadly stabbing in Georgia  LaGrange police have arrested and charged two people with the murder of a pregnant woman. The woman, identified as 26-year-old Breanna Burgess, was found stabbed to death early Wednesday morning. Burgess was a single mother of three and expecting her fourth child. While police have two suspects in custody, family members say it doesnt ease their pain.  Breanna Burgess "Right now were trying to understand how someone could do this to another human being," Burgesss aunt Melissa Kurian said. No motive has been listed in the report. Family members said they are heartbroken by the sudden loss of the 26-year-old, who police found unresponsive on Fort Drive in LaGrange on Wednesday. Police said 26-year-old Breanna Burgess was found stabbed to death early Wednesday morning. Burgess was approximately 20 weeks pregnant. (Provided by family) "What were going through, you knowits awful," family member Paulette Ngtmi said. The LaGrange Police Department said officers were doing a routine check of the area when they found Burgesss body near a track. According to investigators, Curteze Avery and Shallandra Freeman knew Burgess and targeted her. "Its just senseless, you know, for someone to just do that to her," Ngtmi went on. Avery and Freeman are charged with murder and feticide. Burgess was five months pregnant at the time of her death. She leaves behind a 5, 7 and 9 year-old. "Its a monster who did this to her," her aunt said. While family members tell FOX 5 Atlanta 5 theyre somewhat relieved to see arrests made in her murder, it wont bring her back. "We want to see justice for her because she did not deserve what happened to her. No one deserves this, no one," Ngtmi stated. The family has started a GoFundMe to cover funeral costs. They said people can also send donations directly to Higgins funeral home in Lagrange _____________________________________________________ There is a room full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner." The room got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher. "Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk????" _____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Marge RE: Metered Connection Dear Webby, What is this W10 "Metered Connection" BS? It interferes with anything from drivers to even printing! Is that just a routibne W10 nuisance, or can it be fixed? Marge  Dear Marge Dear Marge Yes, routine W10 nuisance and moron malfunction. Theoretically, according to Microsoft, it puts a speed limit and data quantity limit onto your WiFi, so that if your hubby or yur daughter are watching dirty movies, it should limit their use of your WiFi, so that they don't interfere with you and your bible study group. Theoretically. Unfortunately, it does not really work and interferes with you installing or setting up a printer, until you get fed up with the nonsense and turn off "Metered Connection". Theoretically, according to Microslop, the way to do that is: To set a Wi-Fi network connection as metered/not metered: Select Start > Settings > Network & Internet > Wi-Fi > Manage known networks. Select the Wi-Fi network > Properties > turn on Set as metered connection. Well, that does not work if your machine is stand-alone and you want to use a USB connected printer. Just fart around in that area, and eventually your printer lights up and prints. Have FUN! DearWebby ________________________________________________ An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store. "Well, I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!" They all asked the farmer how it tasted. "Don't know" said the farmer. "Never could catch the SOB!!!" _____________________________________________________ A man was having marital problems. So he went to his shrink. The shrink says, "When you get home, throw down your briefcase, run to her, embrace her, take off her clothes, and yours, and make mad passionate love to her." In two weeks he was back in the shrink's office. The shrink asked "How did it go?" He said, "She didn't have anything to say, but her Bible Study group sure got a kick out of it." _____________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ There's nothing worse than a snotty doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong in a room full of other patients. I know we all have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it. An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?" "There's something wrong with my penis," he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said. The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private." The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" "There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?" "I can't piss out of it," the man replied. The doctor's office erupted in laughter. _____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room. "Can you believe this? The first day of our vacation, and she goes into labor!" The second one looks at the first and says, "What do you have to complain about? This is our honeymoon!" ____________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ Guido's first job when he got to the United States was sweeping the floors in a pizzeria. After 15 years of hard work, Guido owned not only the store he started in, but a chain of 50 pizza stores. Guido believes it's now time to relax a little bit. Enjoy the fruits of his hard labor. He calls a contractor to have a huge mansion built for himself. Guido tells the contractor, "Makea you sure you puta lotsa da 'halo statues' inna da house. I wanna have lotsa da 'halo statues' in my mansion, capiche? One inna every room. One in da kitchen. One in da bathroom. Every room!" The contractor is impressed with how religious Guido is, promises to do a good job, and carefully plans a niche in every room for Guido's statues. The contractor personally searches for just the perfect religious statues for each room. Finally, the house is completed and the contractor takes Guido on a tour of Guido's new mansion. The contractor is full of pride showing off his work, but Guido looks concerned and fretful. Finally, the contractor says, "Is there something wrong, sir?" "Wherea are alla my halo statues?" Guido cries. The contractor points to the different statues he's carefully selected and placed everywhere. "They're in every room, sir, just like you asked!" Guido replies, "No no no! I doan wanna no Saintas. I wanna da 'halo statues'!" "Sir?" "You know? Halo statues! Deya ring! You picka dem up, anna you say, 'Halo? S'dat you?" ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ Part of the passenger arrival briefing from the lone flight attendant on a United Express O'Hare-to-Memphis flight: "Please remove all personal items from the aircraft. Any items left on board can be found at my yard sale next Sunday." ______________________________________________________ The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door. "We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife." "Well, tell me!" the man said. The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first." So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in San Francisco Bay." "Oh my god!," said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?" "Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her." "If that's the good news than what's the great news?!", Mr. Wilkens demanded. The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow morning." ____________________________________________________ 
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 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 
 Today, August 1, in 1498, Christopher Columbus landed on "Isla Santa" (Venezuela). 1774, Oxygen was isolated from air successfully by chemist Carl Wilhelm and scientist Joseph Priestly. 1790, The first U.S. census was completed with a total population of 3,929,214 recorded. The areas included were the present states of Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, Vermont and Virginia 1834, Slavery was outlawed in the British empire with an emancipation bill. 1873, Andrew S. Hallidie successfully tested a cable car. The design was done for San Francisco, CA. 1893, Shredded wheat was patented by Henry Perky and William Ford. 1894, The first Sino-Japanese War erupted. The dispute was over control of Korea. 1907, The U.S. Army established an aeronautical division that later became the U.S. Air Force. 1914, Germany declared war on Russia at the beginning of World War I. 1936, Adolf Hitler presided over the Olympic games as they opened in Berlin. 1943, In the Solomon Islands, the U.S. Navy patrol torpedo boat PT-109 sank after being hit by the Japanese destroyer Amagiri. The boat was under the command of Lt. John F. Kennedy. Eleven of the thirteen crew survived. 1944, In Warsaw, Poland, an uprising against Nazi occupation began. The revolt continued until October 2 when Polish forces surrendered. 1946, In the U.S., the Atomic Energy Commission was established. 1953, The first aluminum-faced building was completed. It was the first of this type in America. 1956, The Social Security Act was amended to provide benefits to disabled workers aged 50-64 and disabled adult children. 1957, The North American Air Defense Command (NORAD) was created by the United States and Canada. 1973, The movie "American Graffiti" opened. 1975, The Helsinki accords pledged the signatory nations to respect human rights. 2006, Cuban leader Fidel Castro turned over absolute power when he gave his brother Raul authority while he underwent an intestinal surgery. 2022 Do! smiled. 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!