Good Morning, Do! Thank you, Moe!!! Today is Saturday, December 1 Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award:  Florida Woman Arrested After Gas Attack At Dollar General  ______________________________________________________ Today, December 1 in 1913 Ford Motor Co. began using a new movable assembly line that ushered in the era of mass production. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good. --- Thomas Sowell (1930 - ) The secret of being a bore is to tell everything. --- Voltaire, 1737 There is no kind of dishonesty into which otherwise good people more easily and frequently fall than that of defrauding the government. --- Benjamin Franklin ______________________________________________________ One morning a California highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten all their shovels. The crew's foreman radios the office and tells his supervisor the situation. The supervisor radios back and says, "Don't worry, we'll send some shovels. just lean on each other until the shovels arrive." ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A man went on a ski trip and was knocked unconscious by the chair lift. He called his insurance company from the hospital, but it refused to cover his injury. "Why is the injury not covered?" he asked. "You got hit in the head by a chair lift," the insurance rep said. "That makes you an idiot and we consider that a pre-existing condition." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Shella for this: A butcher fresh out of trade school in Canada gets a job skinning and cutting up the kills of local hunters. His first assignment is a moose. He cuts the moose up and puts the parts into carefully-marked bags: chops, steak, ribs, sirloin, etc, etc. When he finishes, he still has a pile of unidentifiable parts. He shrugs and puts them all into one large bag, which he marks "Moosellaneous." ______________________________________________________ >From Linda   Eagle Tree _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Shanetta Wilson, 37 Dania Beach, Florida  Florida Woman Arrested After Gas Attack At Dollar General  A knife-wielding woman threatened to gut a fellow Dollar General shopper after the victim complained in reference to the defendant farting loudly while in the checkout line, Florida police charge. Shanetta Wilson, 37, got into an argument Sunday evening after a male customer commented negatively about her passing gas, according to investigators who responded to the store in Dania Beach, a city just south of Ft. Lauderdale. As alleged in a complant affidavit, Wilson removed a small knife from her purse, opened the weapon, and told the victim she was going to 'gut' him. When Wilson pulled her hand back as if preparing to attack, victim John Walker, 55, was in fear that he was going to be stabbed by the defendant. Wilson, who lives in Dania Beach, was subsequently arrested on a felony charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill. She was booked into the Broward County jail, where she is being held in lieu of $2500 bond. Pictured above, Wilson has a lengthy rap sheet that includes convictions for battery; theft; marijuana possession; violating probation; and possession of cocaine with intent to sell. (2 pages) 
 From: Frank Re: Missing Humor Letter  Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Was there a humor letter for today Friday Noiv 30 ? *1@shaw.ca Frank  Dear Frank yes, sure. It went out as usual. When the sniveling ninnies censor your subscription, you can always read it on-line at http://webby.com/humor Have FUN! DearWebby  
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 The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "He's A basketball coach?" 
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 I was working at the grocery-store checkout counter, and a woman and her son came through the line. The son unloaded the cart. Two eggs in a carton had been cracked, and half a loaf of bread had been mysteriously crushed. His mother chided him, remarking that she would have to make French toast with the injured items. He looked properly repentant until his mother walked off. Then he whispered to me, "A friend told me to try the broken egg/squashed bread routine. That's how he gets his mom to make French toast for him!" ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Storing Christmas Lights  It is hard to get Christmas lights back in the original packaging. A quicker method is to reuse wrapping paper tubes. Attach the lights to one of the paper tubes and then wrap it around. Tape both ends and store in a large box with padding. 8 Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
 
 
Hours of beautiful scenes and relaxing music. 
 ___________________________________________________ The mother was having a hard time getting her son to go to school in the morning. "Nobody in school likes me," he complained. "The teachers don't like me, the kids don't like me, the superintendent wants to transfer me, the bus drivers hate me, the school board wants me to drop out, and the custodians have it in for me. I don't want to go to school." "But you have to go to school," countered his mother. "You are healthy, you have a lot to learn, you have something to offer others, you are a leader. And besides, you are forty-five years old and you are the principal." ___________________________________________________ A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her. Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out. The three cops were standing there waiting for her. Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.' He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R." The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?" Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R." Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?" Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E." "Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?" Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."  
 Today December 1 in 1835 Hans Christian Andersen published his first book of fairy tales. 1913 Ford Motor Co. began using a new movable assembly line that ushered in the era of mass production. 1913 The first drive-in automobile service station opened, in Pittsburgh, PA. 1919 Lady Astor was sworn in as the first female member of the British Parliament. 1925 The Locarno Pact finalized the treaties between World War I protagonists and guaranteed that WWII would start in a decade. 1934 Sergei M. Kirov, a collaborator of Joseph Stalin, was assassinated at the Leningrad party headquarters. 1941 In the U.S., the Civil Air Patrol was created. In April 1943 the Civil Air Patrol was placed under the jurisdiction of the Army Air Forces. 1942 In the U.S., nationwide gasoline rationing went into effect. 1943 In Teheran, leaders of the United States, the USSR and the United Kingdom met to reaffirm the goal set on October 30, 1943. The previous meeting called for an early establishment of an international organization to maintain peace and security. 1952 In Denmark, it was announced that the first successful sex- change operation had been performed. 1955 Rosa Parks, a black seamstress in Montgomery, AL, refused to give up her seat to a white man. Mrs. Parks was arrested marking a milestone in the civil rights movement in the U.S. 1959 12 countries, including the U.S. and USSR, signed a treaty that set aside Antarctica as a scientific preserve, which would be free from military activity. 1965 An airlift of refugees from Cuba to the United States began. 1969 The U.S. government held its first draft lottery since World War II. 1984 A remote-controlled Boeing 720 jetliner was deliberately crashed into California's Mojave Desert to test an anti-flame fuel additive. The test proved to be disappointing. 1987 Construction began on the Channel Tunnel between the United Kingdom and France. 1987 NASA announced four companies had been given contracts to help build a space station. The companies were Boeing Aerospace, G. E.'s Astro-Space Division, McDonnell Douglas Aeronautics, and Rocketdyne Division of Rockwell International. 1989 Dissidents in the Philippine military launched an unsuccessful coup against Corazon Aquino's government. 1989 East Germany's Parliament abolished the Communist Party's constitutional guarantee of supremacy. 1990 Iraq accepted a U.S. offer to talk about resolving the Persian Gulf crisis. 1990 British and French workers digging the Channel Tunnel finally met under the English Channel. 1991 Ukrainians voted overwhelmingly for independence from the Soviet Union. 1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin survived an impeachment attempt by hard-liners at the opening of the Russian Congress. 1994 The U.S. Senate gave final congressional approval to the 124-nation General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade. 1998 Exxon announced that it was buying Mobil for $73.7 billion creating the largest company in the world to date. 2013 Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos revealed "Amazon Prime Air" on "60 Minutes." The services was planned to use unmanned aerial vehicles to deliver packages to customers. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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