Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, February 21 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Home intruder dies after elderly couple fights back in S.C. ___________________________________________________ Today, February 21 in 1842 John J. Greenough patented the sewing machine. ____________________________________________________ Fig Newton: The force required to accelerate a fig 39.37 inches per sec. --- J. Hart (1931 - ) As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something. --- Hagar the Horrible "Ring the bells that still can ring Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything, That's how the light gets in." --- Leonard Cohen ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: My Aunt Myrtie was in the fertilized egg business when I was young. She had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and 8 or 10 roosters whose job it was to fertilize the eggs. My aunt kept records, and any rooster or pullet that didn't perform well went into the pot and was replaced. Now, this took an awful lot of time. So my aunt got a set of tiny bells and attached them to her roosters so she could hear them chasing pullets. Now she could sit on the porch and still fill out an efficiency report by listening to the bells. My aunt's favorite rooster was Old Fart. A very fine specimen he was but his bell had not rung all morning. Aunt Myrtie went to investigate. Several roosters were chasing pullets, bells a ringing. O. F. had his bell in his beak so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, have his way with her and walk on to the next one. Aunt Myrtie was so proud of O.F., she entered him in the county fair. Old Fart was an overnight sensation. The judges awarded him both the No Bell Prize, and the Pullet Surprise. ____________________________________________________ Over dinner, a woman said to her husband, "I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!" "How did you meet this fellow?" He asked, very concerned. She said, "Well, we met by accident, I hit his wheel chair with the car." ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ FBI recommends "A whack with the stupid stick" "Anybody that falls for a Nigerian Letter scam deserves a whack with a stupid stick. That scam is as old as fax machines.'' --- Ray Lauer, FBI spokesman __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin award has been earned by Harold L. Runnels Jr., 61, Jackson, S.C., USA Home intruder dies after elderly couple fights back in S.C. According to police, earlier this week 61-year-old Harold L. Runnels Jr. broke into the Jackson, S.C. home owned by an 82-year-old man and his 79-year-old wife. Runnels knocked on the rear door of the home, and, when it was opened, charged through holding a large knife and began beating the senior couple. The intruder was greeted with a plot twist. During the attack, the womans forehead was cut and she fell to the floor. Meanwhile, the husband used a gun handle in defence, constantly striking Runnels, according to police. Runnels fell to the floor, conscious but non-responsive, according to authorities, who upon arrival found the intruder on the floor covered in blood. The victims and accused were taken to hospital, where Runnels died Monday night. According to the incident report, Runnels lived a block or two away from the victims. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Jane S Re: Monitor next to TV Dear Webby We live in a small condo which does not include an extra room for the computer. It have the computer on my desk with the back of it about a fingers width from the television. Is it safe to run the computer and TV at the same time or should I turn one off before turning the other on? Thanks. Jane Dear Jane That used to be a real concern with the big huge tube type monitors and TVs, but with today's flat screen monitors, that is not a problem at all. Have FUN! DearWebby A Sunday school teacher was instructing her class. Just before she dismissed them to go to church she asked them, "Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Little Johnny was quick to blurt out what he was certain was the correct answer, "Because people are sleeping!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ What is the difference between men and women... A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. ____________________________________________ When short hemlines came back into fashion, I dug an old miniskirt out of my closet. I tried it on, but couldn't figure out what to do with my other leg. Penn ____________________________________________ "After Mama gave birth to 12 of us kids, we put her up on a pedestal. It was mostly to keep Daddy away from her." --- Dolly Parton ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today February 21 in 1804 The first self-propelled locomotive on rails was demonstrated in Wales. 1842 John J. Greenough patented the sewing machine. 1848 The Communist Manifesto was published by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels. 1858 The first electric burglar alarm was installed in Boston, MA. 1866 Lucy B. Hobbs became the first woman to graduate from a dental school. The school was the Ohio College of Dental Surgery in Cincinnati. 1878 The first telephone directories issued in the U.S. were distributed to residents in New Haven, CT. It was a single page of only fifty names. 1916 During World War I, the Battle of Verdun began in France. The battle ended on December 18, 1916 with a French victory over Germany. 1932 William N. Goodwin patented the camera exposure meter. 1947 Edwin Land demonstrated the Polaroid Land Camera to the Optical Society of America in New York City. It was the first camera to take, develop and print a picture on photo paper all in about 60 seconds. The photos were black and white. The camera went on sale the following year. 1950 The first International Pancake Race was held in Liberal, Kansas. 1965 Malcolm X was assassinated in New York City at the age of 39 by assassins identified as Black Muslims. 1973 Israeli fighter planes shot down a Libyan Airlines jet over the Sinai Desert. More than 100 people were killed. 1975 Former U.S. Attorney General John N. Mitchell and former White House aides H.R. Haldeman and John D. Ehrlichman were sentenced to 2 1/2 to 8 years in prison for their roles in the Watergate cover-up. 1988 In Baton Rouge, LA, TV evangelist Jimmy Swaggart confessed to his congregation that he was guilty of an unspecified sin. He announced that he was leaving the pulpit temporarily. Swaggart had been linked to an admitted prostitute. 1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush called Ayatollah Khomeini's death warrant against "Satanic Verses" author Salman Rushdie "deeply offensive to the norms of civilized behavior." 1995 Chicago stockbroker Steve Fossett became the first person to fly solo across the Pacific Ocean in a balloon. He landed in Leader, Saskatchewan, Canada. 2003 David Hasselhoff and his wife Pamela were injured in a motorcycle accident. The accident was caused by a strong gust of wind. Hasselhoff fractured his lower back and broke several ribs. His wife fractured her left ankle and right wrist. 2019 At Cape Canaveral, FL, SpaceIL launched their Beresheet probe. It was the first privately funded mission to the Moon. The probe crash-landed on the Moon on April 11. 2021 Do smiled. |
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