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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, December 14, in 2013, The Chinese spacecraft Chang'e 3 became the first spacecraft to "soft"-land on the Moon since 1976. It was only the third robotic rover to land on the moon. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Clovis double murderer punished, blamed for a third death _____________________________________________________ Q Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. --- Fletcher Knebel My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. --- Mike Myers ____________________________________________________ My face in the mirror Isn't wrinkled or drawn. My house isn't dirty, the cobwebs are gone. My garden looks lovely and so does my lawn. I think I will not put my glasses back on. __________________________________________________ The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper. "Honey," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like the government is going to cut the military forces. They are going to eliminate six over-aged destroyers." To which the husband replied, "Sorry to hear that, dear. I'm sure you'll miss your mother when she's gone." __________________________________________________ An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Dave McCann, Clovis, California, USA Clovis double murderer punished, blamed for a third death The British national who killed his wife and mother-in- law in Clovis six years ago is now serving a life sentence. Tierney and Judy Cooper left a big impression on this community before they were killed. Tierney's sister escaped from the house while Dave McCann killed his wife and mother-in-law. Cortney Rider didn't live long enough to see the murderer. Tierney Cooper spent her 37 years of life putting other people first, according to her friends and family members. She cracked silly jokes, gave strong hugs, and wanted to help. "I miss and think about her every day," said friend Shannon Johnson. Tierney had recently started working at the Community Regional Medical Center burn center and she wanted to become a nurse. But on Mother's Day weekend in 2016, Tierney's estranged husband killed her and her mother a day after she'd asked for help from Clovis police. Her sister saw Dave McCann slash Tierney's throat and heard him tell Judy Cooper she was next. Cortney Rider got out of the house and told police everything, but what she saw left her with PTSD and she died from aggressive cancer in 2021 at the age of 50. "There's a known link between acute traumatic stress and cancer, and I have no doubt that witnessing the horrific deaths of her mother and sister contributed to her premature death," said Dr. Sara Edwards, a cousin to Tierney and niece to Judy. "In my mind, I feel that Dave is part of her death, too," said Tricia Miller, also a cousin to Tierney and niece to Judy. For his part, McCann said he's experiencing loss, grief, and sadness beyond comprehension. He asked for forgiveness, but he didn't take responsibility. McCann broke into his estranged wife's house wearing gloves, cut her throat, stabbed her mother several times, and left for the Central Coast, where he hid. He even wrote a letter threatening to kill the rest of the family. McCann also had a return ticket to his native England. ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk: Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon. Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk: Specificity; Cogito ergo sum; British; Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder; Loquacious; Transubstantiate. Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You're Drunk: Thanks, but I don't want to have sex; Nope, no more booze for me; Sorry, but you're not really my type; Good evening, officer, isn't it lovely out tonight? Oh, I just couldn't, no one wants to hear me sing! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that's where you get shitty ideas from ___________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of the sunflowers, and one of those bent- over grandmas in bloomers." Cashier reply's: "That'll be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten dollars for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers, and an apology to my wife!" _______________________________________________ It was my first year of teaching tenth-graders geometry, and I was frustrated with the lack of effort in the class. Trying to make the group more interactive, I asked, "Who can define a polygon?" The reply was, "A dead parrot." __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Do softly recited his nightly prayers while kneeling down. The mother was kneeling down beside. "Say your prayers louder, Do, I can't hear you," said mother. "But I'm not praying to you." was Do's immediate reply. ________________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Fonts Morning Dear, Still loving and look forward daily to your humor letters. Today I do have a question for you. Since my computer took a dump and a new computer got installed, I lost some fonts that I would like. What is the best site to download free fonts? I need several and would appreciate your help. Many thanks. Jim Dear Jim Here are some: https://www.1001freefonts.com/ https://www.wfonts.com/ https://www.dafont.com/ Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Robert, age eight, was the son of strict Presbyterian parents. He was very, very good, worked hard at school, did his chores, and was generally helpful and obedient. But one morning, for some reason, he came down to breakfast in a very nasty mood. When his mother served him prunes, he snarled, "I don't want prunes," and he refused to eat them. His parents were aghast, and his father said, "Robert, you know that Lord commanded children to honor and obey their parents, and He will punish those who do not." But Robert still refused and was angrily sent back to bed, and the prunes were put in the refrigerator. A few minutes later, a terrible thunderstorm came up with great roars of thunder and flashes of lightning. "Ah, wonderful," said Robert's mother, "this will teach him a lesson." To their great surprise though, Robert came to the top of the stairs and called down: "Sounds like God doesn't want you to make such a fuss about some silly prunes!" ____________________________________________________ Today, December 14 in 503, Physician, astrologer and clairvoyant Nostradamus was born at St. Remy, Provence, France. 1798, David Wilkinson of Rhode Island patented the nut and bolt machine. 1799, The first president of the United States, George Washington, died at the age 67. 1900, Professor Max Planck of Berlin University revealed his revolutionary Quantum Theory. 1903, Orville Wright made the first attempt at powered flight. The engine stalled during take-off and the plane was damaged in the attempt. Three days later, after repairs were made, the modern aviation age was born when the plane stayed aloft for 12 seconds and flew 102 feet. 1911, Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen became the first man to reach the South Pole. He reached the destination 35 days ahead of Captain Robert F. Scott. 1918, For the first time in Britain women (over 30) voted in a General Election. 1939, The Soviet Union was dropped from the League of Nations. 1945, Josef Kramer, known as "the beast of Belsen," and 10 others were executed in Hamelin for the crimes they committed at the Belsen and Auschwitz Nazi concentration camps. 1946, The U.N. General Assembly voted to establish the United Nation's headquarters in New York City. 1959, Archbishop Makarios was elected Cyprus' first president. 1962, The U.S. space probe Mariner II approached Venus. It transmitted information about the planet's atmosphere and surface temperature. 1975, Six South Moluccan terrorists surrendered to police after holding 23 people hostage for 12 days on a train near the Dutch town of Beilen. 1981, Israel annexed the Golan Heights, seized from Syria in war in 1967. 1983, The U.S. battleship New Jersey fired on Syrian positions in Lebanon for the first time after American F- 14 reconnaissance flights were fired on. 1985, Wilma Mankiller became the first woman to lead a major American Indian tribe as she formally took office as principal chief of the Cherokee Nation of OKlahoma. 1986, The experimental aircraft Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan and Jeana Yeager, took off from California on the first non-stop, non-refueled flight around the world. The trip took nine days to complete. 1987, Chrysler pled no contest to federal charges of selling several thousand vehicles as new when Chrysler employees had driven the vehicles with the odometer disconnected. 1988, The first transatlantic underwater fiber-optic cable went into service. 1990, After 30 years in exile, ANC president Oliver Tambo returned to South Africa. 1993, The United Mine Workers approved a five-year contract that ended a strike that had reached seven states and involved some of the nation's biggest coal operators. 1995, The presidents of Bosnia and Herzegovina, Serbia, Croatia signed the Dayton Accords to end fighting in Bosnia. 1995, AIDS patient Jeff Getty received the first-ever bone-marrow transplant from a baboon. 1997, Iran's newest president, Mohammad Khatami, called for a dialogue with the people of the United States. The preceding Iranian leaders had reviled the U.S. as "The Great Satan." 1997, Cuban President Fidel Castro declared Christmas 1997 an official holiday to ensure the success of Pope John Paul II's upcoming visit to Cuba. 1998, Hundreds of Palestinian leaders renounced a call for the destruction of Israel. 1999, U.S. and German negotiators agreed to establish a $5.2 billion fund for Nazi-era slave and forced laborers. 1999, Charles M. Schulz announced he was retiring the "Peanuts" comic strip. The last original "Peanuts" comic strip was published on February 13, 2000. 2000, It was announced that American businessman Edmond Pope would be released from a Russian prison for humanitarian reasons. Pope had been sentenced to 20 years in prison after his conviction on espionage charges. 2001, European Union leaders agreed to dispatch 3,000- 4,000 troops to join an international peacekeeping force in Afghanistan. 2001, The first commercial export, since 1963, of U.S. food to Cuba began. The 24,000 metric tons for corn were being sent to replenish what was lost when Hurricane Michelle struck on November 4. 2013, The Chinese spacecraft Chang'e 3 became the first spacecraft to "soft"-land on the Moon since 1976. It was only the third robotic rover to land on the moon. 2022 Do smiled.
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