Good Morning, Do!  
 Today is Saturday, July 22 
 
 ____________________________________________________ History: today, July 22 in 1376, The legend of the Pied Piper of Hamelin leading rats out of town is said to have occurred on this date. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead  Hackney Labour councillor admits possessing indecent images of children  ___________________________________________________ Q The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive. --- John Sladek The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Notes pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu by her meaning husband.) Monday A.M. Dearest: Sleep late. Everything under control. Lunches packed. Kids off to school. Menu for dinner planned. Your lunch is on a tray in refrigerator: fruit cup, finger- sandwiches. Thermos of hot tea by bedside. See you around six. Tuesday A.M. Honey: Sorry about the egg rack in the refrigerator. Hope you got back to sleep. Did the kids tell you about the Coke I put in the Thermoses? The school might call you on this. Dinner may be a little late. I'm doing your door-to- door canvas for liver research. Your lunch is in refrigerator. Hope you like leftover chili. Wednesday A.M. Dear Doris: Why in the name of all that is sane would you put soap powder in the flour canister! If you have time, could you please come up with a likely spot for Chris's missing shoes? We've checked the clothes hamper, garage, back seat of the car and wood box. Did you know the school has a ruling on bedroom slippers? There's some cold pizza for you on a napkin in the oven drawer. Will be late tonight. Driving eight Girl Scouts to tour meatpacking house. Thursday A.M. Doris: Don't panic over water in hallway. It crested last night at 9 P.M. Will finish laundry tonight. Please pencil in answers to following: 1. How do you turn on the garbage disposal? 2. Why would that rotten kid leave his shoes in his boots? 3. How do you remove a Confederate flag inked on the palm of a small boy's hand? 4. What do you do with leftovers when they begin to snap at you when you open the door? I don't know what you're having for lunch! Surprise me! Friday A.M. Hey: Don't drink from pitcher by the sink. Am trying to restore pink dress shirt to original white. Take heart. Tonight, the ironing will be folded, the house cleaned and the dinner on time. I called your mother. ------------- I stopped taking flu shots in the mid 80s. Have not had a flu since. My doctor is in a big snit about that. He takes the flu shots and has his annual flu. ___________________________________________________ A man and his ten-year-old son were on a ski trip miles from home. At the boy's insistence, they decided to attend the Sunday worship service at a small rural church. The father forgot to bring any cash, so he reached in his pocket and gave his son a dime to drop in the offering plate as it was passed. As they walked back to their car after the service, the father complained. "The service was too long," he lamented. "The sermon was boring, and the singing was off key." Finally the boy said, "Daddy, I thought it was pretty good for a dime." ___________________________________________________ A great way to lose weight is to eat naked. Restaurants will almost always throw you out before you can eat too much.. ___________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ Good Morning, Helmut-End-Of-List! Today is Sunday, March 28 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ With Cocaine In Car, Boca Man Tries To Drive On Two Flat Tires ___________________________________________________ Today, March 28 in 2010 China's Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. signed a deal to buy Ford Motor Co.'s Volvo car unit. ____________________________________________________ Turn the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles. --- Frank Lloyd Wright (1869 - 1959) ____________________________________________________ Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny." Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out! ____________________________________________________ A country lad was being interviewed for a farm laborer's job. The boss said, "You must be fit. Have you had any illnesses?" "No Sir," said the lad. The boss asked, "Any accidents?" The boy said, "No Sir." The boss said to him, "But you walked in here on crutches. You must have had an accident!" The lad said, "Oh, no Sir! I was tossed by a bull, That was no accident. He's a mean cuss and I KNOW he did it on purpose!" ____________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess Walters will be giving a talk on marriage. There will not be any Women Worth Watching this week. Child care provided with reservations. I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirty and you gave me something to drink. The visiting monster today is Rev. Jack Bains. The Boars of Trustees will be meeting Tuesday night at 8PM The activity will take place on the church barking lot. __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Matthew Robinson Boca Raton Florida USA With Cocaine In Car, Boca Man Tries To Drive On Two Flat Tires A Boca Raton man driving recklessly in West Palm Beach allegedly fled the area southbound on Federal Highway in a Dodge Challenger that had two flat tires. The tires were so flat that sparks were seen shooting from the car. Matthew Robinson, of the 6100 block of NW 2nd in Boca Raton, was found by PBSO after a be on the lookout was issued. He was allegedly hiding in his car in Lake Worth. As police approached, they say they saw him hiding something in the car. Fearing it was a weapon, they extracted Robinson from the car, then found the suspicious item. Cocaine. During the extraction, wrote police, I noticed a clear plastic bag containing a white rock like substance Based on my training and experience I know this substance to be crack cocaine. Robinson was arrested and booked into the Palm Beach County Jail. He is now facing the charge of possession of crack cocaine. Bond was set at $1000, which Robinson posted several hours after his arrest on Wednesday. ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Elvira Re: Open Office or MS Office Dear Webby My daughter has a new teacher, who is a MS Office fanatic and claims she has to learn MS Office because, according to her, industry and commerce use MS Office. She threatened to fail my daughter, if she catches her without an MS Office registration. Elvira Dear Elvira Her teacher lied. Imagine a company with 5000 or more employees. Are they going to pay a ridiculous amount to do exactly the same amount of work? Not bloody likely. Obviously the teacher got a financial incentive, and does not give a Pelosi about the kids. The work produced is exactly the same. The only difference is the incentive given to the teacher. Using the programs is similar enough that if she goes to work at one of the few places that still use MS Office, she can fake it and adapt in an hour. You may have to talk to the superintendedent or some bigshot, and find out if the bribe was to the school or to the teacher. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ (Notes pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu by her meaning husband.) Monday A.M. Dearest: Sleep late. Everything under control. Lunches packed. Kids off to school. Menu for dinner planned. Your lunch is on a tray in refrigerator: fruit cup, finger- sandwiches. Thermos of hot tea by bedside. See you around six. Tuesday A.M. Honey: Sorry about the egg rack in the refrigerator. Hope you got back to sleep. Did the kids tell you about the Coke I put in the Thermoses? The school might call you on this. Dinner may be a little late. I'm doing your door-to- door canvas for liver research. Your lunch is in refrigerator. Hope you like leftover chili. Wednesday A.M. Dear Doris: Why in the name of all that is sane would you put soap powder in the flour canister! If you have time, could you please come up with a likely spot for Chris's missing shoes? We've checked the clothes hamper, garage, back seat of the car and wood box. Did you know the school has a ruling on bedroom slippers? There's some cold pizza for you on a napkin in the oven drawer. Will be late tonight. Driving eight Girl Scouts to tour meatpacking house. Thursday A.M. Doris: Don't panic over water in hallway. It crested last night at 9 P.M. Will finish laundry tonight. Please pencil in answers to following: 1. How do you turn on the garbage disposal? 2. Why would that rotten kid leave his shoes in his boots? 3. How do you remove a Confederate flag inked on the palm of a small boy's hand? 4. What do you do with leftovers when they begin to snap at you when you open the door? I don't know what you're having for lunch! Surprise me! Friday A.M. Hey: Don't drink from pitcher by the sink. Am trying to restore pink dress shirt to original white. Take heart. Tonight, the ironing will be folded, the house cleaned and the dinner on time. I called your mother. ------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------- If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ A man and his ten-year-old son were on a ski trip miles from home. At the boy's insistence, they decided to attend the Sunday worship service at a small rural church. The father forgot to bring any cash, so he reached in his pocket and gave his son a dime to drop in the offering plate as it was passed. As they walked back to their car after the service, the father complained. "The service was too long," he lamented. "The sermon was boring, and the singing was off key." Finally the boy said, "Daddy, I thought it was pretty good for a dime." ____________________________________________ A great way to lose weight is to eat naked. Restaurants will almost always throw you out before you can eat too much.. ________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock  Thomas Dewey, 36, Hampshire, England  Hackney Labour councillor admits possessing indecent images of children  former Hackney Labour councillor on Tuesday admitted possessing indecent images of children. Thomas Dewey appeared at Uxbridge Magistrates Court charged with five offences. The 36-year-old, from Hampshire, admitted making five category A , the most serious kind, of indecent images of children on April 29, 2022. On the same date he downloaded four category B and 203 category C images. He also admitted possessing 78 extreme pornographic images of children and having over 1,500 prohibited images of children in his possession on or before January 20 2022. Dewey was arrested by National Crime Agency officers at his home in Hackney on April 29, 2022, a week before he was elected a councillor. Labour were notified on May 16 by the councils Chief Executive that he had been arrested and he was suspended from the party. Dewey resigned as a councillor the same day, triggering a by- election last July. He is due to be sentenced at Isleworth Crown Court next month on August 15. ___________________________________________________ A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?" The host said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife and her mother." "What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter. "My former mother-in-law." replied the hunter. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ The Easterner had always dreamed of owning his own cattle ranch, and finally made enough money to buy his dream spread in Wyoming. "So, what did you name the ranch?" asked his best friend when he flew out to visit "We had a heck of a time," admitted the new cowboy."Couldn't agree on anything. We finally settled on the Double R Lazy L Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch." "Wow!" his friend was impressed. "So where are all the cows?" "When they saw that branding iron, they all ran away." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! __________________________________________________  DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Elvira Re: Open Office or MS Office Dear Webby My daughter has a new teacher, who is a MS Office fanatic and claims she has to learn MS Office because, according to her, industry and commerce use MS Office. She threatened to fail my daughter, if she catches her without an MS Office registration. Elvira  Dear Elvira Her teacher lied. Imagine a company with 50,000 or more employees. Are they going to pay a ridiculous amount to do exactly the same amount of work? Not bloody likely. Obviously the teacher got a financial incentive, and does not give a Pelosi about the kids. The work produced is exactly the same. The only difference is the incentive given to the teacher. Using the programs is similar enough that if she goes to work at one of the few places that still use MS Office, she can fake it and adapt in an hour. You may have to talk to the superintendedent or some bigshot, ior the media, and find out if the bribe was to the school or to the teacher. Chances are pretty good that the people at your local paper and/or radio station also use Open Office, and will raiuse a stink on behalf of the kids. Have Fun! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsmanlike-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents." "Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat. "That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents." "Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark. "There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the ..., in a sensitive area." "Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?" "Southern Methodist." "Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys." ___________________________________________________ "What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife, "my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?" "What I love most about you," responded the man's wife, "is your incredible sense of humor." __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today July 22, in 1376, The legend of the Pied Piper of Hamelin leading rats out of town is said to have occurred on this date. 1587, A second English colony was established on Roanoke Island off North Carolina. The colony vanished under mysterious circumstances. 1796, Cleveland was founded by General Moses Cleaveland. 1798, The USS Constitution was underway and out to sea for the first time since being launched on October 21, 1797. 1812, English troops under the Duke of Wellington defeated the French at the Battle of Salamanca in Spain. 1926, Babe Ruth caught a baseball at Mitchell Field in New York. The ball had been dropped from an airplane flying at 250 feet. 1933, Wiley Post ended his around-the-world flight. He had traveled 15,596 miles in 7 days, 18 hours and 45 minutes. 1937, The U.S. Senate rejected President Roosevelt's proposal to add more justices to the Supreme Court. 1943, American forces led by General George S. Patton captured Palermo, Sicily. 1941, Plans for the Pentagon were presented to the House Subcommittee on Appropriations. 1955, U.S. Vice-President Richard M. Nixon chaired a cabinet meeting in Washington, DC. It was the first time that a Vice- President had carried out the task. 1975, Confederate General Robert E. Lee had his U.S. citizenship restored by the U.S. Congress. 1987, The U.S. began its policy of escorting re-flagged Kuwaiti tankers up and down the Persian Gulf to protect them from possible attack by Iran. 1998, Iran tested medium-range missile, capable of reaching Israel or Saudi Arabia. 2000, Astronomers at the University of Arizona announced that they had found a 17th moon orbiting Jupiter. 2003, In northern Iraq, Saddam Hussein's sons Odai and Qusai died after a gunfight with U.S. forces. 2003, In Paris, France, a fire broke out near the top of the Eiffel Tower. About 4,000 visitors were evacuated and no injuries were reported. 2004, The September 11 commission's final report was released. The 575-page report concluded that hijackers exploited "deep institutional failings within our government." The report was released to White House officials the day before. 2009, The longest total solar eclipse of the 21st century, lasting up to 6 minutes and 38.8 seconds, occurred over parts of Asia and the Pacific Ocean. 2023, Do smiled. 
 

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